ROMANCE INFORMATIONS

Aka USB Multiboot Reanimator (2010/MULTI)

2010-04-20T13:20:00.000-07:00

Aka USB Multiboot Reanimator (2010/MULTI) | 846 MB

Infomation:
With this tool you can download the operating system and utilities without having to install them on your computer or the availability of the operating system. Flash-card is designed for quick and easy system recovery in case of failures in its work, to test the hardware, backup or restore data
Year: 2010
Version: 10.03
Language: Multi (ENG | RUS | UKR)
Platform: Windows XP, Linux OS
The medicine: not required
Size: 846 MB

Menu akaUSB

OS boots from drive C:

Acronis ==>
- True Image Echo Enterprise Server 9.7.8206 RU full with Universal Restore
- True Image Home 2009 12.0.9646 RU full
- Disk Director Server 10.0.2169 RU full and safe
- Disk Director Suite 10.0.2161 RU OS Selector

Menu utilities ==>
- Diagnosis of iron - QuickTech Pro
- Diagnostic MemTest86 + memory
- Diagnostics HDD - VICTORIA v3.52
- Testing of the hard disk - MHDD 4.6
- Restoring the hard disk - HDD Regenerator

Download Live CD ==>
- Booting BartPE
- RusLive RAM Mini
- Alkid Live CD
- Alkid Live CD (without SCSI / RAID)
- Slitaz Linux 2.0

Download DOS =>>>
- DOS with a set of utilities (Super DOS)
- Universal diskette (Universal Boot Disk)
- Download DOS (VC, support for NTFS)
- Download DOS (Nero DOS)

Loaders (Plop, Vista and others) =>>>
- Download PLOP Boot Manager (IMG)
- Download PLOP Boot Manager (ISO)
- Download PLOP Boot Manager (BIN)
- Download the Windows XP drive C:
- Download Vista boot manager
- Boot from CD-ROM
- Boot from floppy A:
-Grub Command Line

Boot from floppy A:
Booting from CD-ROM
Shut down
Restarts
English menu ==>

Installing Grub4DOS
1. Before the operation stick is recommended to format the program HPUSBFW, by saving all of it necessary (if any)
2. Run Grub4DoS_GUI. Once launched, select (Browse button) the purpose, ie the device which will install the boot loader (in our case, stick).
- This installer has been done to accelerate the installation of the bootloader, simply follow the instructions and the installation will not take a minute.
3. Push the button "Extract". The program Grub4Dos Installer 1.1 is established in Crogram Files and throws a shortcut on the desktop. At the same time on your chosen vehicle and extract the file loader (File - Boot; Files - grldr, Menu.lst) and open window Grub4Dos Installer 1.1.
4. In the program Grub4Dos Installer 1.1, in the uppermost row (pull-down menu), select the target to install the bootloader (stick). There is nothing else to choose not.
5. Push the button Install.
6. If all goes well, then you will see the console window to press Enter. Press Enter.
7. After you install the bootloader to copy all akaUSB.iso (except for the folder Documentation) to stick (with replacement).

To verify the correctness of execution of action is to use the MobaLiveUSB_0.2. Copy it from the Documentation folder in the root of your stick and run (in Windows XP i Seven must be run as administrator), then booted the virtual machine Qemu. It allows you to boot from your stick without having to reboot.

http://hotfile.com/dl/33011614/9a1c627/akaUSB.part02.rar.html
http://hotfile.com/dl/33011668/faa6f8a/akaUSB.part03.rar.html
http://hotfile.com/dl/33011691/5de45ef/akaUSB.part04.rar.html
http://hotfile.com/dl/33011713/f1939a7/akaUSB.part05.rar.html
http://hotfile.com/dl/33011744/09e4c4e/akaUSB.part06.rar.html
http://hotfile.com/dl/33011825/300a875/akaUSB.part07.rar.html
http://hotfile.com/dl/33011841/7ed6086/akaUSB.part08.rar.html
http://hotfile.com/dl/33011858/3367472/akaUSB.part09.rar.html

Windows XP SP3 NASA 2nd Generation 2010

2010-04-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

Windows XP SP3 NASA 2nd Generation 2010 | 697 MB

Infomation:
The Second Generation from Windows XP NASA SP3 2010 comes with New Exclusive Technology used for the first time. It uses “Automatic Recovery for Basic System Files in every Windows Boot” or “Self Maintenance”. This means every time windows reboots all basic system files will recover automatically as if windows was installed for the first time without affecting the programs and other files and without taking additional time! Windows XP NASA Second Generation SP3 2010 is very fast, fully stable, NO system errors, High Internet speed. More developments and improvements for all features and functions of the previous edition “XP NASA SPACE v1.0 SP3 2010? VGA clarity, sound effects, Graphics and Multimedia, New 3D Themes Multi Color, Icons, 3D Wallpapers and Transparency.

Release Name: Windows XP NASA Second Generation SP3 2010
System: Windows XP Professional SP3 English Original MSDN x86
Year: 2009
Language: English
CD Key: Already Slipstreamed Original Key
Activation: Already activated
Install method: Unattended
File format: ISO
Size: 697 MB
Bootable
Integrated latest updates and hotfixes
Accept updates form microsoft

Programs Added: (You can stop installation of any program don’t need it)
River Media centre (for 3D Multimedia)
yahoo messenger 10
Yahoo multi messenger
Firefox 3.5
Flash player 10
Fire Tune
Winrar 3.8
K lite codec 5.1.8
Winamp 5.5.6 with 3D skins
.Net framework 2
Stardock Icon pacakger
Xoft spy Full (last edition)
clean unistaller
Dp projection
Madotate
Rocket Dock
True transperncy
Ubericon
Yzshadow
and more..

Apperance:
25 New 3D Themes (Multi Color) with icons, sounds and wallpapers
70 New 3D Wallpapers (High Resolution)
Windows 7 logon screen (optional.. you can change it)
Startup Screens: (optional.. you can change it)
Ubuntu linux apperance
Windows 7 apperance
Mac OS apperance
and more..

Adobe Photoshop CS4 - Windows 32-64, Mac, Portable

2010-04-20T13:12:00.000-07:00

Adobe Photoshop CS4 - Windows 32-64, Mac, Portable

DOWNLOAD:

http://hotfile.com/dl/38940221/de31763/Wallpaper_Pack.part1.rar.html http://hotfile.com/dl/38944284/1aadd5d/Wallpaper_Pack.part2.rar.html http://hotfile.com/dl/38942749/664f107/Wallpaper_Pack.part3.rar.html http://hotfile.com/dl/38943268/ee71cc3/Wallpaper_Pack.part4.rar.html http://hotfile.com/dl/38940454/35b1cda/Wallpaper_Pack.part5.rar.html
Keygen and Installation Instructions:

PASSWORD:
Blaqkie

Ultra Video Converter 4.6.0416

2010-04-20T13:08:00.000-07:00

Ultra Video Converter 4.6.0416 | 8 MB

Ultra Video Converter is a powerful video tool to convert all popular video formats to AVI, MPEG, VCD, DVD, WMV, ASF, MP4, 3GP formats. It can support almost all video formats including AVI, DivX, XviD, MPEG, DAT, WMV, ASF, RM, RMVB, MOV, QT, MP4, M4V, 3GP, FLV, MKV. Integrated High-speed MPEG encoder which let you make DVD-Video files (VIDEO_TS, AUDIO_TS) and VCD/SVCD image (*.bin, *.cue), so you can burn VCD/SVCD/DVD disc easily by using third-party buring tools.

Ultra Video Converter allows you to split, join and convert video files. Ultra Video Converter lets you join small video files into a large movie file. It also splits large video files into smaller pieces. You can create files that are small enough to email to friends and family. The main features include: adjust output video quality, adjust 4:3 or 16:9 video aspect, add subtitile onto the output video, all encoders/codec are built-in and any supported conversion can be done once you downloading the software.
Fast conversion speeds and high quality, simple GUI and very EASY to use.

Key Features:
• Video source supports AVI, DivX, XviD, MPEG, DAT, WMV, ASF, RM, RMVB, MOV, QT, MP4, M4V, 3GP, FLV, MKV etc.
• Supports all video files to AVI, DivX, Xvid
• Supports all video files to MPEG1, MPEG2
• Supports all video files to VCD, SVCD, DVD compatible MPEG formats
• Supports all video files to VCD SVCD image (*.BIN, *.CUE) and DVD-Video files (*.IFO,*.VOB,*.BUP)
• Supports all video files to WMV, ASF
• Supports all video files to MP4, 3GP
• All encoders/codec are built-in and any supported conversion can be done once you downloading the software
• Batch files conversion
• Output size adjustment, output quality adjustment
• Cut unwanted parts by specifing start time and end time
• NTSC/PAL setting options for DVD, VCD, SVCD exporting
• Support "Drag and Drop" from Windows Explorer
• Custom define the output audio volume.
• Add letterbox to keep the original aspect ratio
• Support large video file, even large then 2GB
• Fast conversion speeds and high quality
• Simple GUI and very EASY to use.

Adobe CS4 Master Collection (2009) With Keygen

2010-04-20T13:06:00.000-07:00

Adobe CS4 Master Collection (2009) With Keygen | 5.43GB
Adobe Creative Suite 4 Master Collection

Infomation:
•Adobe InDesign® CS4
•Adobe Photoshop® CS4 Extended
•Adobe Illustrator® CS4
•Adobe Acrobat® 9 Pro
•Adobe Flash® CS4 Professional
•Adobe Dreamweaver® CS4
•Adobe Fireworks® CS4
•Adobe Contribute® CS4
•Adobe After Effects® CS4
•Adobe Premiere® Pro CS4
•Adobe Soundbooth® CS4
•Adobe OnLocation™ CS4
•Adobe Encore® CS4
•Adobe Bridge CS4 (offers direct access to Version Cue® and Adobe® Device Central)
•Adobe Dynamic Link
•Adobe Media Player

NO DVD'S NO CD'S just the FULL VERSION original download which was 5.43GB zipped and 8.5GB unzipped. I've left it zipped to reduce the amount you have to download and at 5.43GB it can be easily burnt to a DL DVD for backing up purposes.

To install
1. Disconnect from the internet.
2. Run KeyGen.
3. Run CS4 setup.
4. After install completes select Register Later.
5. Exit CS4 setup.
6. Run Activation Disabler.
7. Reconnect to the internet

AIO Nero 9 (x32x64) + Activation Video

2010-04-20T13:03:00.000-07:00

AIO Nero 9 (x32/x64) + Activation Video | 810 MB

Infomation
Simply Create, Rip, Burn, Copy, Share, Backup, Play, and Enjoy
Nero 9 is the next generation of the world’s most trusted integrated digital media and home entertainment software suite. It features new cutting-edge functionality that makes enjoying digital media content simple.

This easy-to-use yet powerful multimedia suite, gives you the freedom to create, rip, copy, burn, edit, share, and upload online. Whatever you want – music, video, photo, and data – enjoy and share with family and friends anytime, anywhere.
With easy-to-use Nero StartSmart command center, your digital life has never been more flexible, feasible, and fun.

Year:2010
Version Created : 2010.04.01
Lang: Multi
Activation : Yes

Encyclopaedia Britannica 2010 Ultimate Reference Suite (PC - Mac) DVD ISO Fixed

2010-04-20T12:59:00.000-07:00

Encyclopaedia Britannica 2010 Ultimate Reference Suite (PC - Mac) DVD ISO Fixed | 3.73 GB

Infomation:
Encyclopaedia Britannica 2010 Ultimate Edition DVD. For Student and Home Use. When you need the facts, turn to the 2010 Britannica Ultimate Reference DVD for trusted information written by Nobel laureates, historians, curators, professors, and other noted authorities. From the youngest student to the curious adult to the most advanced researcher, users of every level will find what they need. Three age-appropriate encyclopedias; interactive tutorials in math, science, social studies, and other subjects; homework help; and other essential learning tools make it the most complete reference source available.

The 2010 Britannica Ultimate Reference DVD includes:
• Encyclopжdia Britannica
Access the world's most trusted and authoritative information, featuring over 75,000 articles from the 32-volume Encyclopжdia Britannica print set.
• Britannica Student Encyclopedia
Find information easily in over 15,800 entries that are tailored to school subjects.
• Britannica Elementary Encyclopedia
Instill a look-it-up habit that will stay with students in school and in life.
• Book of the Year
Explore notable events in 11,000 articles covering science, politics, sports, and more from 1993 - 2008.
• Homework Helpdesk
A collection of useful homework resources including a video subject browse, online learning games and activities, online subject spotlights, and how-to documents on topics such as writing a book review.
• Online Learning Games and Activities
Hundreds of fun and interactive games and activities to help students with subjects like Math, Science, and Social Studies.
• Two Complete Dictionaries and Thesauruses from Merriam-Webster®
Together, Merriam-Webster's Collegiate® and Student Dictionaries and Thesauruses provide access to 405,000 definitions, synonyms and antonyms.
• Merriam-Webster's Spanish-English Translation Dictionary
Translate an English word to Spanish and a Spanish word to English with the click of the mouse.
• World Atlas
Take a tour of the world through more than 2,600 maps linked to articles about countries, economies, cultures, and national statistics.
• Timelines
Watch history unfold with timelines that show the people, events, and discoveries of the past.
• Britannica BrainStormer
Discover new ideas and relationships between topics with this interactive tool.
• Britannica Classics
Discover new ideas and relationships between topics with this interactive tool.
• Explore
Easily browse through Videos, Britannica Classics, Classical Music, and more.
• New Explore Feature! Heroes & Villains
The new ‘Heroes & Villains browse provides easy access to more than 600 biographies covering the world’s heroes and villains throughout time.
• Virtual Notecards
Take and save notes from your articles on a virtual notecard. Notes are printable, which makes your research easier, more productive, and portable.
• Britannica Workspace
Save articles, images, video, and more in one convenient location to help keep your research organised.
• Rich Multimedia
View vivid illustrations with 31,000 images, video, and audio that bring fascinating topics to life.
• Additional Videos, Web Links, and Magazines Online
Link to 166,000 sites you can trust-selected by Britannica editors-plus links to thousands of videos and magazines for a wealth of additional information.

What you can expect to find:

• 105,974 articles/59,887,275 words
° 75,907 — Encyclopжdia Britannica
° 15,994 — Britannica Student Encyclopedia
° 2,767 — Britannica Elementary Encyclopedia
° 81 — Britannica Classics
° 11,225 — Britannica Book of the Year (1993-2007)
• 33,927 photos, illustrations, tables and special comps
• 2,696 maps
• 496 video clips
• 721 sound clips
• 182 animations and Shockwave
• 293 World Data Profiles
• 1,098 Daily Content
• 166,000 Web links
• 215,00 Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary & Thesaurus entries
• 105,000 Merriam-Webster's Student Dictionary & Thesaurus entries
• 7,383 indexed timeline entries
° 4,260 — Encyclopжdia Britannica
° 2,635 — Britannica Student Encyclopedia
° 488 — Britannica Elementary Encyclopedia
• Online Learning Games and Activities
° 219 Activities — Britannica Student Encyclopedia
° 227 Activities — Britannica Elementary Encyclopedia
• Thousands of magazine articles and videos online

What's New for 2010:

— Explore Feature : Heroes & Villains. The new Heroes & Villains browse provides easy access to more than 600 biographies covering the world’s heroes and villains throughout time.
— More Articles!. Thousands of new and revised articles.
— More Images!. Thousands of new and revised images.

Product Information:

- Packed in 1 DVD Case
- Containing 1 DVD
- ISBN-13: 978-1-84326-484-2
- ISBN-10: 1-84326-484-6

System Requirements:

Windows.
* Microsoft® Windows® XP (with SP2) or Vista
* Pentium III® or equivalent processor
* 512 MB RAM (1GB recomended)
* 1.55 GB free hard-drive space (3.35 GB for Full installation)
* DVD-ROM drive
* 1024x768 resolution, 16-bit color
* Sound Card and speakers recommended
* Printer recommended
* Internet access recommended

Macintosh
* Mac® OS 10.4.x w or 10.5.x.w/ Java 1.5
* PowerPC G5 or Intel Core processor
* 512 MB RAM (1 Gb recomended)
* 1.55 GB free hard-drive space (3.35 GB for Full installation)
* DVD-ROM drive
* 1024x768 resolution, millions of colors
* Sound Card and speakers recommended
* Printer recommended
* Internet access recommended

Windows XP Professional SP2 (Live CD)

2010-04-20T12:56:00.000-07:00

Windows XP Professional SP2 (Live CD) | 689 MB

Infomation:
It is primarily designed to be an emergency disk for your PC. For whatever reason, if something happens to your current OS and you need to keep working on something, this disk can come to the rescue - Windows XP on a CD! Boot up your PC with this disc and keep working. If you need to diagnose what went wrong and fix it, this is your CD. Load up Windows XP Professional SP2 without affecting or touching your system files and use one of the many many many recovery programs that have been included if you need to recover existing data.
You can browse the net with Firefox (lots of extensions) and do it safely with ZoneAlarm firewall that only starts if you need it. You can watch music videos and listen to music while working on a ******** in one of the many productivity apps, and even encode and decode xvid avi files! There's some games too, classic ones that you may actually like.

While it isn't as good as actually having Windows XP installed onto a hard disk, it comes reasonably close.

This Live CD will beat any of the other Live XP discs out there
THIS is a Live XP CD!"

Features

* Boots your PC with Windows XP Professional SP2. Most features you are used to are available in terms of Start Menu, Desktop, Windows Explorer, Registry, etc.

* Video support is provided by the VBEMP x86 Project which produced the Universal VESA/VBE Video Display Driver for Windows NT x86 Architecture that drives the video in the PE. This means that most people will see something, even if its not the highest resolution you are used to. For example, i have a 1440 x 900 screen that only gives me a max resolution of 1152 x 864 in the PE due to not supporting widescreen resolutions by default but that's still pretty good considering. The best resolution i've been able to get is 1280 x 1024 x 32 bit color. Those with flat panels with exactly this default resolution will have the best experience.

* Network and Mass Storage support is via the latest driverpacks from driverpacks.net -- they will work for most of the world's network cards (not wireless though sorry) and also the latest SATA drives. These network card drivers combined with PENetwork 0.39 (automatically starts and asks if you want to start networking) will get 99% of people with LAN network connections onto the net, if that is how you normally connect.

* Audio support is provided for most systems via the XPE project. The following cards are supported: Realtek AC97 base, kxAudio (SBLive/Audigy), Creative PCI, Creative SB16, Aureal Vortex 8810/8820/8830, VIA AC97, Intel 82801AA/AB/BA/CA AC97, SiS 7018, ALi Audio Accelerator, Crystal WDM, CS4281, ESS Allegro, Maestro, etc., Yamaha DS1, OPL3-SAx, Aztech 2320, NeoMagic MagicMedia, USB Audio, and also MS VMWare, and Virtual PC.

* USB device support is available for external hard drives, mice and keyboards but please plug-in prior to booting with the CD. All external hard disks should be recognized.

* Over 300 apps are available from the CD, the shortcuts are dynamically created at boot time. It's easy to add and subtract from this list to make your custom CD, just have a look inside the ppApps folder and work it out. To take out apps, just delete the folder. To add apps, just include the required files - use the existing folders to understand how it works. Then use the file inside the MakeCD folder to re-make the CD image.

* Boot SDI - The entire system directory for the OS is loaded into your RAM at boot time. This was achieved using the Boot SDI ****** in WinBuilder. This means you have a limited ability to install programs you wish to use for a PE session. The amount of space isn't huge, you only get 24 MB of free space for your system directories but this should be sufficient for most apps, the program files can go onto another drive. Anything that needs to reboot will not generally work but everything else should.

* Loading into your RAM also means a relatively short load time. It should only take 2 - 4 minutes, as opposed to 6 - 10 mins if you are booting directly from the CD. It is also a much more responsive system due to operating entirely inside your RAM as opposed to relying on a very slow connection between your CD drive and PC.

* A RAM disk is also created in addition to loading the system folders into RAM. This was set to allocate the size of the disk using a % based formula that allocates different amounts depending on how much you have actually available. Many applications will make use of this space and will be assigned to the B: drive. This is how it equates:

- 512 MB installed RAM will have a 60 MB RAM disk;
- 768 MB - 120 MB
- 1 GB - 171 MB
- 2 GB - 375 MB

* The following apps are integrated into the explorer shell: 7-Zip 4.57, CMD anywhere, Scanner 2.8, and WinRAR 3.71. Also, FoxitReader 2.2 will open PDF files automatically, and Irfan View will open all the files it recognizes which includes audio files and HEAPS of others. Also integrated were Windows ******ing (WSH), Visual Basic (VB6), and AutoIT (au3).

* The following apps are loaded automatically on booting: Unlocker 1.86, and PowerMenu 1.51.

System Requirements

System Minimum Requirements:

* Any computer that can normally run XP, with at least 512 MB of RAM to have all features available. This may also run on systems with only 384 but it won't be very usable. It defintely won't work on a system with only 256 MB.
* A CD or DVD drive (the faster the better).

System Recommended Requirements:

* Any computer that can normally run XP with at least 1024 MB of RAM. All features and applications will work.

Microsoft Visual Studio Team Foundation Server (2010)

2010-04-20T12:53:00.000-07:00

Microsoft Visual Studio Team Foundation Server (2010)-ZWTiSO | 1.52 GB

Infomation:
Microsoft Visual Studio Team Foundation Server 2010 is the collaboration platform at the core of Microsoft’s application lifecycle management solution that automates the software delivery process and enables organizations to effectively manage software development projects throughout the IT life cycle. Team Foundation Server 2010 enables the team to be more agile, collaborate more effectively, and deliver better quality software while building and sharing institutional knowledge. Project artifacts and data from work item tracking, source control, builds, and testing tools are stored in a data warehouse and powerful reporting and dashboards provide historical trending, full traceability and real-time visibility into quality and progress against business intent.

System Requirements

* Supported Operating Systems: Windows Server 2003 R2 (32-Bit x86); Windows Server 2003 R2 x64 editions; Windows Server 2003 Service Pack 2; Windows Server 2008 R2; Windows Server 2008 Service Pack 2

o Windows Vista (x86 and x64) with Service Pack 2 or later (all editions except Starter Edition)
o Windows 7 (x86 and x64)
o Windows Server 2003 (x86) with Service Pack 2 or later (all editions)
o Windows Server 2003 R2 (x86) or later (all editions)
o Windows Server 2008 (x86 and x64) with Service Pack 2 or later
o Windows Server 2008 R2 (x64)

* Supported Architectures:
o 32-Bit (x86)
o 64-Bit (x64)

* Hardware Requirements:
o Computer that has a 2.2GHz or faster processor
* RAM:
o 1 GB RAM for x86
o 8 GB of available hard disk space

* Prerequisites:
o Microsoft SQL Server 2008
o Windows SharePoint Services 3.0 - with Service Pack 1 or later

Microsoft Visual Studio 2010 Ultimate V10.0.30319.1 RTM

2010-04-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

Microsoft Visual Studio 2010 Ultimate V10.0.30319.1 RTM | 2.28GB

Infomation:
Microsoft Visual Studio 2010 Ultimate is the comprehensive suite of application lifecycle management tools for teams to ensure quality results, from design to deployment. Whether you're creating new solutions or enhancing existing applications, Visual Studio 2010 Ultimate lets you bring your vision to life targeting an increasing number of platforms and technologies—including cloud and parallel computing.

Eliminate 'no repro' with IntelliTrace
The new IntelliTrace feature makes the "no-repro" discussion a thing of the past. Testers can file rich and actionable bugs with system information, and even include an environment snapshot. That way developers can reproduce the reported bug in the state it was found.

Understand existing architecture
The Architecture Explorer helps you understand and unleash the value of your existing code assets and their inter-dependencies. You can produce detailed models of exactly how an application is constructed and even drill-down into specific areas for a deeper understanding.

Ensure architectural compliance
Use the new layer diagram to define and communicate logical application architecture and to validate code artifacts against the required architecture. Layer diagrams help your development efforts stay on track so your application conforms to your original vision.

Embrace Manual Testing
Visual Studio Test Professional 2010, part of Visual Studio 2010 Ultimate, provides you with a single tool to capture and update test requirements, automate navigation of manual tests, and speed up the fix and accept cycle by capturing the entire test context. This provides developers with everything they need to ensure that every error is reproducible.

Be proactive about agile project management
Visual Studio 2010 Ultimate is optimized for today's iterative development process with features that help you remain productive and react to potential risks before they happen. You can monitor the health of your project using reports that are automatically generated. Plus manage your project's capacity with historical data and Microsoft Excel-based planning documents

Microsoft Windows Vista ULTIMATE x86 SP2 Integrated 2010

2010-04-20T12:47:00.000-07:00

Microsoft Windows Vista ULTIMATE x86 SP2 Integrated 2010 | 1695.1 MB

Infomation:
Service Pack 2, the latest service pack for both Windows Server 2008 and
Windows Vista, supports new types of hardware and emerging hardware
standards, includes all of the updates that have been delivered since
SP1, and simplifies deployment, for consumers, developers, and IT
professionals.

- Quick Details -
File Name: 6002.18005.090410-1830-1_iso_update_sp_wave1-RTMSP2.1_DVD.iso
Version: 948465
Knowledge Base (KB) Articles: KB948465
Date Published: 6/22/2009
Language: all
Download Size: 1695.1 MB

- Overview -
Service Pack 2 for Windows Server 2008 and Windows Vista (SP2) is an
update to Windows Vista and Windows Server 2008 that supports new kinds
of hardware and emerging hardware standards, and includes all updates
delivered since SP1. SP2 simplifies administration by enabling IT
administrators to deploy and support a single service pack for clients
and servers. Please see the Windows Server SP2/Windows Vista SP2 page on
TechNet/MSDN for additional details and documentation.

Windows Vista SP2 TechNet
Windows Server 2008 SP2 TechNet
SP2 is an update to Windows Server 2008 and Windows Vista that
incorporates improvements discovered through automated feedback, as well
as updates that have been delivered since SP1. By providing these fixes
integrated into a single service pack for both client and server,
Microsoft provides a single high-quality update that minimizes
deployment and testing complexity for customers.

Service Pack 1 is a prerequisite for installing Service Pack 2. Please
make sure that your system is running Service Pack 1 before you install
Service Pack 2.

Note: Windows Server 2008 released with Service Pack 1 included. Windows
Vista SP1 information and downloads can be found on the Windows Vista
SP1 TechNet page.

This is a DVD ISO image that contains Service Pack 2 for Windows Server
2008 SP2 for x86, x64, IA-64 and Windows Vista for x86, x64. This image
will work with all Windows Server 2008/Windows Vista languages.

- System Requirements -
* Supported Operating Systems: Windows Server 2008; Windows Server 2008
for Itanium-based Systems; Windows Vista; Windows Vista Business 64-bit
edition; Windows Vista Enterprise 64-bit edition; Windows Vista Home
Basic 64-bit edition; Windows Vista Home Premium 64-bit edition; Windows
Vista Ultimate 64-bit edition

Windows Server 2008, Windows Vista

Microsoft Windows Server 2008 R2 Enterprise x64 Integrated March 2010

2010-04-20T12:43:00.000-07:00

Microsoft Windows Server 2008 R2 Enterprise x64 Integrated March 2010-BIE | 2.93GB

Infomation:
Windows Server 2008 R2 builds on the award-winning foundation of Windows Server 2008, expanding existing technology and adding new features to enable organizations to increase the reliability and flexibility of their server infrastructures. New virtualization tools, Web resources, management enhancements, and exciting Windows 7 integration help save time, reduce costs, and provide a platform for a dynamic and efficiently managed data center. Powerful tools such as Internet Information Services (IIS) version 7.5, updated Server Manager and Hyper-V platforms and Windows PowerShell version 2.0 combine to give customers greater control, increased efficiency, and the ability to react to front-line business needs faster than ever before.

HowTo:
Extract Files
Burn Image to DVD
Boot from DVD
Install to unpartitioned space without serial
Check BIE-Dir on DVD

Microsoft Office 2007 SP2 Blue Edition

2010-04-20T10:22:00.000-07:00

Microsoft Office 2007 SP2 Blue Edition

This is the copy from the original disk, which is (as said before) only accessible to technicians of Microsoft. This version of Microsoft Office 2007 will never appear for sale, since this is the only version where there is no need for a serial. This version also doesn't need an activation. The installer is very simple, undetailed and handy. The interface of application is completely changed, it is modernized and practically reminds in no way to the previous versions*** a few minutes the software will be installed on your computer, without any questions or other things that slow down the installation.

*Microsoft Office Access 2007
* Microsoft Office Excel 2007
* Microsoft Office Groove 2007
* Microsoft Office InfoPath 2007
* Microsoft Office OneNote 2007
* Microsoft Office Outlook 2007
* Microsoft Office PowerPoint 2007
* Microsoft Office Publisher 2007
* Microsoft Office Word 2007

Office Enterprise 2007 is the most complete Microsoft toolset provided for people who must collaborate with others and work with information efficiently, regardless of location or network status. Office Enterprise 2007 builds on the strengths of Microsoft Office Professional Plus 2007, adding Microsoft Office Groove 2007 and Microsoft Office OneNote 2007, enabling people to collaborate and create, manage, and use information more efficiently.

Microsoft Office 2007 comes loaded with a default blue theme , but now they have added two more themes to the theme set. Now it comes with a silver and black theme

No serial key needed because this version is only available to equipment manufacturers and not to the general public. It updates and is fully working, no need to crack/patch it as well.

http://hotfile.com/dl/38510455/da84086/O.part2.rar.html

http://hotfile.com/dl/38510638/9c8aa9f/O.part3.rar.html

http://hotfile.com/dl/38510793/b1975d1/O.part4.rar.html

http://hotfile.com/dl/38510943/301d744/O.part5.rar.html

QuarkXPress v8.16 Multilingual

2010-04-20T10:19:00.000-07:00

QuarkXPress v8.16 Multilingual

QuarkXPress? is powerful layout software with an intuitive, versatile interface that lets you combine writing, editing, and typography with color and pictures to produce dynamic final output.
QuarkXPress is widely used by magazines, newspapers, advertising agencies, typesetters, printers, corporate publishers, design firms, catalog houses, book publishers, and form designers. It is also used by businesses with publishing requirements.

Download

http://hotfile.com/dl/38007858/d781037/QP.v8.16.ML.part2.rar.html

VSO PhotoDVD v3.1.0.2d

2010-04-20T10:12:00.000-07:00

VSO PhotoDVD v3.1.0.2d | 14 mb

VSO PhotoDVD is the easiest photo slideshow software to create beautiful DVD slideshows of your digital pictures. Share your digital pictures in an original way by watching them on TV with any DVD player. With PhotoDVD create movie like DVDs of your pictures and music, with a menu complete with chapters, audio and subtitles selection.
A wizard-style interface guides you through the steps of slideshow creation, from adding pictures, music and comments to previewing your work. Bring you photos to life by customizing the transitions and animations or leave the settings as automatic. A complete menu with video thumbnails and chapter points is automatically created! After following an easy 1, 2, 3 step process you can watch your photos on TV and be impressed by the professional look and feel of your creation!

SoftMaker Office 2010.579 Multilingual Portable

2010-04-20T10:09:00.000-07:00

SoftMaker Office 2010.579 Multilingual Portable | 59.53 Mb

Your office suite is the most important application on your PC for document creation, both at work and for personal tasks. Choose the right office suite, and you will become more productive immediately. Choose SoftMaker Office 2010, and you will get the job done in less time, with better results, and at a drastically lower cost than with Microsoft Office. If you need to exchange Word documents, Excel sheets, or PowerPoint presentations with colleagues and business partners, you are no longer dependent on high-priced Microsoft Office: SoftMaker Office 2010 reads and writes all your Word, Excel, and PowerPoint files seamlessly.
Choose SoftMaker Office 2010 as your office suite, and you will get the job done in less time and with better results.
SoftMaker Office reads and writes Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint files seamlessly - and costs only a fraction of Microsoft Office.

Firefox Powerfull Suite 3.6.2010

2010-04-20T10:07:00.000-07:00

Firefox Powerfull Suite 3.6.2010 | 24.2 MB

Mozilla Firefox - the browser works very quickly, and the speed of apparent not only during loading of Web pages, but when looking at bookmarks and history. Made it through the engine, and Mozilla allows you to view all web pages in one window mnogovkladochnom and also has many other useful options, including the ability to significantly enhance connectivity plug-ins (and released their great number). Features of Mozilla Firefox:
"Pop-Up Blocker (born pop-up)
"Tabbed browsing (born tabbed browsing) (multiple pages in one window)
"Built-in search bar in search engines and dictionaries
"The so-called" Live Bookmarks "(born Live bookmarks) - mechanism for integrating RSS-flows
"Ample opportunities for setting up the behavior and appearance
"Support for multiple extensions
"Built-in tools for web developer
"Automatic updates of both the browser and its extensions (version 1.5)
"Display content at once (makes it comfortable to continue surfing even with incomplete page loads, which is particularly noticeable on a slow connection and a large number of embedded objects)
Pop-up Blocker
You will no longer annoying pop-up windows that open when you visit many sites. You can manually specify which sites allow pop-ups, but with what not.
Security
You are spared from the various spyware programs, as well as elements of ActiveX. You can independently control their privacy, flexibility to manage their personal data. The browser allows you to instantly remove the traces of their stay in the network.
Smart Search
Search Bar, located next to the line input allows you to search any data in the global network. You can use multiple search engines.
Live Bookmarks
Support for RSS is built into the browser. Create live bookmarks and keep up with all the latest happenings in the world.
A single repository for the magazine and bookmarks
Add site to bookmark, thanks to the yellow star in the address bar, it is now possible with one click. Manage Bookmarks, and standardized and implemented in a single dialog box. Select the required options become more convenient due to the presence of special groups recently added bookmarks, and most frequently visited websites.
Intellectual Lilly
As soon as you start typing the address immediately a window appears with the tips, where the bold type shows all matches. The window contains a list of previously visited sites. String correctly responds not only to the addresses of sites, but also on their titles, which greatly simplifies and speeds up input. They are displayed in the window with a history of previously opened websites. Even if you do not remember the exact address and name of the resource will tell you the true path.
Quick and easy downloading files
Completely redesigned download manager allows pumps a file after a disconnection. The status bar always shows the number of received files and the approximate time until the download is complete.
Automatic Updates
You no longer need to manually download new versions of the browser as they are released. The system updates automatically download a small patch the size of a few hundred kilobytes, saving you time.
Optimal base composition
Simple, intuitive browser has everything that you may need in everyday life. Bookmarks magazine, full-screen mode, zoom text and much more - all this takes place in Mozilla Firefox.
Extensibility
Mozilla Firefox - the most scalable and flexible customizable browser on the planet. You can customize the toolbar to put additional expansion modules and themes. Like the telescopic fishing-rod, Mozilla Firefox can be converted from a small compact browser amazingly multifunctional tool to explore the World Wide Web.
Developer's best friend
Mozilla Firefox includes a built-in console error notifications on web pages. Additional extensions like Firebug, you can easily develop and debug web pages.
Used extensions: [68]
- AbcTajpu 1.6.7
- Adblock Plus 1.1.3
- Adblock Plus: Element Hiding Helper 1.0.6
- AddThis 3.0.1
- AniWeather 0.7.4
- Answers 2.3.54
- Auto Copy 1.0.1
- AutoPager 0.6.0.20
- Better Gmail 2 1.1.1
- Better GReader 0.8.3
- BetterCache 1.24
- Billeo 2.1.0.7
- ColorfulTabs 4.3
- CoolPreviews 3.0.1
- Copy Link Text 1.4.6
- CuteMenus - Crystal SVG 1.9.3
- CyberSearch 2.0.5
- Dictionary Switcher 1.0.1
- Download Manager Tweak 0.9.2
- Download Statusbar 0.9.6.7
- DownThemAll! 1.1.9
- Facebook Toolbar 1.4.3
- Favicon Picker 3 0.5
- Feed Sidebar 4.3.1
- Feedly 2.14
- Firefox Showcase 0.9.5.5
- FireFTP 1.0.7
- FireShot 0.80
- Flagfox 4.0.3
- FoxLingo 2.6.1
- FoxTab 1.3
- Friendbar 4.0.3
- Google Shortcuts 1.9.2
- IMacros for Firefox 6.6.0.1
- Integrated Gmail 2.5.5
- Is.gd Creator 0.2.2
- Lazarus: Form Recovery 2.0.5
- Menu Editor 1.2.6
- MR Tech Toolkit 6.0.4
- Multiple Tab Handler (treatment group tabs) 0.5.2010032801
- MultirowBookmarksToolbar 4.9
- NoScript 1.9.9.57
- Organize Status Bar 0.6.4
- Personal Menu 4.3.2
- Picnik 2.3
- Pixlr Grabber 2.0.3
- Qtl 14.1
- Quick Locale Switcher 1.7.0.1
- QuickProxy 2009.07.19
- Read It Later 2.0.3
- ReminderFox 1.9.7
- RSS Ticker 3.0.4
- Russian spellchecking dictionary 0.4.3
- ScrapBook 1.3.7
- SearchPreview 4.2
- Secure Login 0.9.3
- StumbleUpon 3.63
- Tab Mix Plus 0.3.8.2
- Tab Preview 0.3
- Tab Sidebar 2.5
- Targeted Advertising Cookie Opt-Out (TACO) 2.0
- TinEye Reverse Image Search 0.7.1
- Update Scanner 3.1.2
- VideoSurf Videos at a Glance 0.71
- Weave Sync 1.1
- WikiLook 2.5.5
- WOT 20091028
- Xmarks 3.5.10
The switching extensions: [1]
- Russian (RU) Language Pack 3.0.10
The total number of extensions: 69
Installed Themes: [1]
- Standard
Installed Plugins: (6)
- Java (TM) Platform SE 6 U10
- Microsoft ® DRM
- Mozilla Default Plug-in
- Shockwave Flash
- Shockwave for Director
- Windows Media Player Plug-in Dynamic Link Library

Topaz DeNoise 3.0.1 for Photoshop

2010-04-20T10:04:00.000-07:00

Topaz DeNoise 3.0.1 for Photoshop | 9 MB

Topaz DeNoise is an advanced noise reduction plug-in for Adobe Photoshop. It uses a new and powerful method of filtering noise that is a generation above the popular “wavelet”-based algorithms that other noise reduction products currently use. This new technology that weve developed over the past few years maximizes image details while reducing noise simply and effectively.

Topaz DeNoises main functions are to:

1. Remove luma and chroma noise from correctly-exposed photos quickly and efficiently.
2. Rescue underexposed images by removing the excessive noise that accompanies all brightening exposure adjustments.
3. Keep image details intact and sharp and restore details previously obscured by noise.
4. Keep the noise reduction process simple, powerful, and repeatable by efficiently and automatically detecting the amount of noise to be removed without requiring excessive user input.

Windows Topaz DeNoise is compatible with

* Photoshop CS and above
* Photoshop Elements
* Paint Shop Pro
* PhotoImpact X3
* Irfanview

To update to Topaz DeNoise v3 for Windows

Obtain a new license key from the link above.
Go to Control Panel -> Add/Remove Programs in XP, or Control Panel -> Programs and Features in Vista. Scroll down the programs list and uninstall Topaz DeNoise.
Download the Topaz DeNoise for Windows zip file above. It will appear as topazdenoise_setup.zip.
Double click on the downloaded file and run the Topaz DeNoise installer. Youll need an unzipper like WinZip or WinRAR to successfully extract it.
Follow the instructions in the installer. When prompted for the directory in which to install Topaz DeNoise, we recommend that you leave it at the default location.
Close and restart Photoshop. Topaz DeNoise will be in your Filters menu.

Best-quality noise removal software available anywhere
New noise removal technology processes entire image for information
Exceptional color noise detection and removal
Preserves and in some cases even enhances image detail
Automatic noise detection and smooth interface keeps noise reduction simple .

Windows 7 Activation Keys Working

2010-04-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

FinalBurner PRO 2.20.0.226

2010-04-20T09:58:00.000-07:00

FinalBurner PRO 2.20.0.226 | 11.73 MB

Powerful audio / video / mastering and burning kit. There are many fine products that can burn CDs and DVDs. But do they have the features you require? FinalBurner is the last burner you will ever need! Burn Blu-Ray or HD-DVD media with revolutionary High Definition media support.Author your own DVD-Video or re-master an existing one, or save yourself a blank DVD-R and design a Video CD if your source video is coming from a compact digital camera and is not on par with DVD resolution. Use your MP3 collection to create your own audio CD that you can listen to in a car. Protect your favorite songs and movies from scratches by creating backup copies of your DVD movies and audio CDs.

Main features:
- Burn Data CD/DVD (CD R/RW, DVD+R/RW, DVD-R/RW, DVD DL, HD-DVD, Blu-Ray, etc.)
- Autorun menu designer
- Burn Audio CD (Import *.wav; *.mp3; *.ogg; *.mid; *.wma; *.aac; *.mp4; *.m4a; *.xm; *.mod; *.s3m; *.it; *.mtm; *.mo3 audio files.)
- Burn Video DVD (Import AVI, DIVX, XVID, MP4, MPG, WMV, ASF, MOV, FLV, etc. Capture from Web cam, TV tuner, DV, etc.)
- Burn VideoCD
- Burn SuperVideoCD
- Burn WMVHD CD/DVD (720p,1080p)
- Burn ISO images
- AudioCD Ripper
- Burn MP3 CD/DVD (Import *.wav; *.ogg; *.mid; *.wma; etc. audio files.)
- Copy data CD/DVD

- Design and print CD jewel case and DVD box labels, booklets.

Xilisoft Video Converter Ultimate 6.0.3.0416

2010-04-20T09:54:00.000-07:00

Xilisoft Video Converter Ultimate 6.0.3.0416 | 28.87 MB

Xilisoft Video Converter is powerful, versatile video conversion software which converts between all popular video formats such as convert AVI to MPEG, WMV to AVI, WMV to MPEG or H.264/AVC video, convert AVI files to iPod formats, etc. No other programs like Xilisoft Video Converter supports so comprehensive video formats including AVI, MPEG, WMV, DivX, MP4, H.264/MPEG-4 AVC, RM, MOV, XviD, 3GP, FLV, VOB (the video format used in DVD), DAT (the video format used in VCD, SVCD), etc. In addition, the video converter provides an easy way to convert video file to popular audio file, like MP2, MP3, WMA, WAV, RA, M4A, AAC, AC3, OGG, etc. The video converter also supports APE, CUE decoding and audio CD ripping.

* Act as 3GP Video Converter, iPod Video Converter, PSP Video Converter, Zune Video Converter, AVI MPEG Converter, MP4 Video Converter, MOV Converter, MKV to MPEG converter, etc.;
* Convert between all popular video formats including AVI, MPEG, WMV, DivX, MP4, H.264/MPEG-4 AVC, RM, MOV, XviD, 3GP, FLV, help you on how to convert AVI to MPEG, convert MKV to AVI, convert MKV to MPEG;
* Convert videos to popular audio files, including MP2, MP3, WMA, WAV, RA, M4A, AAC, AC3, and OGG, and convert between these audio formats;
* Extract pictures from video and output them as JPG, PNG, GIF, BMP, SWF;
* Convert pictures to video formats like AVI, FLV, SWF, MOV, 3GP, WMV, etc.

Extensoft Artisteer Standard Edition v 2.4.0.25435

2010-04-20T09:50:00.000-07:00

Extensoft Artisteer Standard Edition v 2.4.0.25435 ML/RUS Portable | 65 Mb

Artisteer - the first and unique product of automation a web of design which instantly creates a fantastic kind, unique templates for MS Joomla, Drupal, Wordpress, themes for your blog or a HTML-page.

* Design awesome WordPress Blogs, professional Joomla! and Drupal templates, and cool Website designs in Minutes
* Easy to Use
* No need to learn Photoshop, CSS, HTML or other technologies
* Export as Wordpress Theme or CMS Template
With Artisteer YOU immediately become a Web design expert, editing and slicing graphics, coding XHTML and CSS, and creating Web design templates and Joomla, Drupal and Wordpress themes - all in minutes, without Photoshop or Dreamweaver, and no technical skills.

Top 10 reasons to use Artisteer
1. Generate cool Web design ideas.
2. Adjust generated dhttp://samura1.softarchive.net/addnews/esigns to create great looking Web and Blog templates.
3. Create perfectly correct, validated HTML and CSS that conform to Web standards.
4. You dont need to learn Photoshop, CSS, HTML and other Web technologies to create great looking designs, including images and buttons.
5. If you are a Web designer, generate ideas, prototypes and quick Websites for your clients and friends.
6. Choose and use many included design elements, from backgrounds to photo objects and buttons.
7. Automatically solve problems with image aliasing, Web browser compatibility and other details requiring time and knowledge.
8. Learn how to create professional HTML and CSS code.
9. Save money on Wordpress Themes and Web design templates.
10. If you don't have the time, hire your kids to create great looking Website for you.

Softmaker Office v2010.576 Portable

2010-04-20T09:47:00.000-07:00

Softmaker Office v2010.576 Portable | 138 MB

If you need to exchange Word documents, Excel sheets, or PowerPoint presentations with colleagues and business partners, you are no longer dependent on high-priced Microsoft Office: SoftMaker Office 2010 reads and writes all your Word, Excel, and PowerPoint files seamlessly.

Choose SoftMaker Office 2010 as your office suite, and you will get the job done in less time and with better results.

SoftMaker Office reads and writes Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint files seamlessly – and costs only a fraction of Microsoft Office.

Everything speaks for SoftMaker Office 2010:
Powerful: Sophisticated office software for business and home users alike.
Compatible: Reads and writes all Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint files seamlessly.
Fast: Starts and works blazingly fast. Slow is out.
Reliable: Does what you want. No nasty surprises.

http://uploading.com/files/4f1fbe34/SO%2Bv2010.576.part2.rar/

Ableton Suite 8.1.1 Full

2010-04-20T09:44:00.000-07:00

Ableton Suite 8.1.1 Full | 1.22Gb

The software package of Ableton Suite gives you a rich world of sound, perfectly complementing the possibility of instruments Live 8. In Suite 8 has the tools, which a musician can only dream of: a wide range of synthesizers, a powerful sampler, electric and acoustic drums, hammer tools, as well as 10 sample tools.

Library Ableton Suite 8 completely surpasses all that Ableton offered to us before. Thinking about the musicians, developers of Live Suite 8 connected easy to use well-chosen set of tools with a wide range of magnificent sounds.

Collision – this is a unique program to work with various percussion. Developed in conjunction with AAS, this program uses physical modeling play sounds of these instruments: xylophone, marimba and glockenspiel. Moreover, Collision powerful enough to allow the user to create their own instruments and sounds.

Latin Percussion – it is a rich collection of Brazilian, Afro-Cuban and African percussion and drums. With Latin Percussion, you can use in their tracks, the sounds of the Congo and bongo, timbaleza, shakers, claves, tambourines and bells. Included with the tools and are pre-set clips, and lots of rhythmic patterns. So, the program Latin Percussion – is not only a set of drums, it can work, and by the “drummer”.

Here’s what experts say about Ableton work on his great synthesizer Operator: «We have opened the hood, all carefully inspected and made a serious pumping our wheelbarrow. Indeed, the eighth version of the synthesizer includes new types of filters, more options for routing and additional modulation wave synthesis with the possibility of drawing the initial wave. Operator in the eighth version – the most powerful and flexible than it ever was.

Installation:
Installing Ableton, replace the file “Live 8.1.1″ in the folder C: \ Program Files \ Ableton \ Live 8.1.1 \ Program at the same file from the folder Crack, run the file “Authorizelive811″ from the folder Crack.

Windows 7 Ultimate x86/x64 Maximum VICTORY v.2.0 (4.2010)

2010-04-20T09:40:00.000-07:00

Windows 7 Ultimate x86/x64 Maximum VICTORY v.2.0 (4.2010) | 4GB

Windows 7 Ultimate x86/x64 Maximum VICTORY optimized for low memory consumption and computer resources and high performance

System requirements:
* 32-bit (x86) or 64-bit (x64) processor with a clock frequency of 1 gigahertz (GHz) or higher
* 512 megabytes (MB) (for 32-bit system) memory (RAM)
* 10 gigabytes (GB) (32-bit system) hard disk space
* DirectX 9 graphics device with a WDDM driver version 1.0 or higher

DOWNLOAD :

Full Software - Download for Free including Serial and Activaition Key .

2010-04-20T08:39:00.000-07:00

Ashampoo Burning Studio 2010

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Auto Ghost Windows

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Informatix Piranesi 2010

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Kaspersky antivirus 2010

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Kaspersky internet securrity 2010

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Microsoft Office 2010 Plus

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Nero Move It 1.5.10.1

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Norton internet Security 2010 Full

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Start Menu 7 Pro 3.62

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CorelDRAW VideoStudio Pro X3 v13.6.0.367 Multilingual

http://hotfile.com/dl/38854086/c01e49f/CVSPX31360367En.part2.rar.html
http://hotfile.com/dl/38854095/97cf977/CVSPX31360367En.part3.rar.html
http://hotfile.com/dl/38854114/057c360/CVSPX31360367En.part6.rar.html
http://hotfile.com/dl/38854134/7788394/CVSPX31360367En.part5.rar.html
http://hotfile.com/dl/38854153/5e9ae8b/CVSPX31360367En.part4.rar.html
http://hotfile.com/dl/38854164/ab4c587/CVSPX31360367En.part7.rar.html

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SmartDraw 2010.12

SmartDraw 2010.12 | 24 MB
SmartDraw - The World's Most Popular Business Graphics software. Create professional-looking business graphics in minutes. No experience needed! SmartDraw's point-and-click drawing method makes it easy for anyone familiar with basic computer tasks to easily create professional-quality business graphics. SmartDraw lets you create the professional flowcharts, floor plans, org charts, technical diagrams, or calendars using our easy to use SmartTemplates. Plus, SmartDraw works hand in hand with Word, PowerPoint, Excel, and other tools. SmartDraw features dramatically improved graphics capability, with professionally designed gradients, textures, effects, styles, and themes. SmartDraw is software that helps you work smarter by communicating visually. Whether it's a flowchart to explain a business process, a Gantt chart to show a project schedule, or an organization chart, SmartDraw is unique because it draws more than 40 different types of visuals for you, including timelines, maps, charts, decision trees and floor plans.

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Google Earth Pro (Gold) 400$

Google Earth Pro (Gold) 400$

Google Earth is a virtual globe program that lets you surf through our entire planet.
You can zoom and search for your town and much more things such as school, churches etc! Google Earth Pro (Gold) is the upgraded version, it has alot of more features such as movie

making or advanced printing and much more... Worth 400 $
Google Earth Pro combines the power of Google Search with satellite imagery, maps, terrain and 3D buildings to put the world's geographic information at your fingertips.

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AVG Anti-Virus Pro 9.0.814 Build 2810

AVG Anti-Virus Pro 9.0.814 Build 2810 ML | 105.7 MB

AVG Anti-Virus - a new version of the famous anti-virus program from Czech developer to protect your PC from dangerous objects and network threats. Program blocks viruses, trojans, worms, spyware, and a module to deal with rootkits helps get rid of malicious processes, masking job viruses. Compatible with Windows Vista and Windows 7.

AVG Anti-Virus includes the following modules:
Antivirus and Anti-Spyware: protection against viruses, worms, spyware and trojans
Anti-Rootkit: protection against hidden threats, spreading malicious content
Identity Protection: Protection against new and unknown threats
LinkScanner Search-Shield: mapping of security assessments in real time for all the search results of search services, Google, Yahoo and MSN / Live
LinkScanner Active Surf-Shield: Protection in real time from the infected web pages during the Internet
Web Shield: Checking the downloaded files and protection from accidental infection with obmenemgnovennymi Messaging

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Paragon Hard Disk Manager 2010 Server

Paragon Hard Disk Manager 2010 Server |118 MB

Paragon Partition Manager 10 Server is an integrated set of powerful tools that is specially designed to tackle most of the problems the user might face while using PC. A highly intelligent program engine together with built-in advanced recovery facilities make it possible to securely carry out partitioning operations of any complexity, optimize performance of NTFS and FAT file systems, migrate the system to another hard disk, etc. without fear to lose precious data.

No need to install it!
Hard Disk Manager 2010 Server bundles corporate editions of our bestselling Drive Backup and Partition Manager and is aimed at easy and efficient storage management within stand-alone physical Windows servers all through their life cycle:
* Exclusive drive re-partitioning facilities
* Rock-solid disaster recovery technologies
* Unique file system optimization tools
* Reliable storage disposal techniques...

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Kaspersky All version Activation Key (20th April 10)

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AVG 9.0 PRO Anti-Virus + several keys till 2018

AVG 9.0 PRO Anti-Virus + several keys till 2018 | 124,53 MB

Anti-Virus, Anti-Spyware, Anti-Spam, LinkScanner & Firewall. Comprehensive protection for your computer! This award-winning product gives you unbeatable Internet security by protecting against viruses, spyware, hackers, spam and malicious websites. AVG Internet Security is a reliable and easy-to-use solution for home and small office users which is trusted by millions of users worldwide. Unique Internet security thanks to new technology - Only AVG gives you real-time protection against malicious websites thanks to our new LinkScanner technology. Comprehensive protection for Windows against all online threats from the world's most trusted security company. Use the Internet with confidence in your home or small office.

FEATURES:
All-in-one protection
• Anti-Virus: protection against viruses, worms and trojans
• Anti-Spyware: protection against spyware, adware and identity-theft
• Anti-Rootkit: protection against hidden threats (rootkits)
• Anti-Spam: filters out unwanted and fraudulent e-mails (anti-phishing)
• Web Shield & LinkScanner: protection against malicious websites
• Firewall: protection against hackers
• System Tools: for easy system management

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Driver Checker 2.7.4 Datecode 20.04.2010 Portable

Driver Checker 2.7.4 Datecode 20.04.2010 Portable | 11.56 MB
New Manage Your Windows Drivers with Ease. Driver Checker allows you to easily detect and update the latest drivers for your entire hardware devices. It can also back up the existing drivers and restore the drivers in case that you needed to reinstall or upgrade your operating system. Driver Checker provides an easy-to-use interface through which only a few clicks can make your jobs completely done with ease.

Key Features and Benefits of Driver Checker:
-Starightfoward and intuitive interface
-Better PC performance and improved stability
-Access to the largest drivers database in the industry
-Continous updates for the latest manufacturer drivers
-Submit the unavailable drivers updated in next version
-Unlimited technical supports with our 24x7 technicians
-Automatically update and maintain these drivers: Printer Drivers, USB Drivers, Sound/Audio Drivers, Vista Drivers, Bluetooth Drivers, Mouse Drivers, Keyboard Drivers, RAID Drivers, Scanner Drivers, Video Drivers, Modem Drivers, Network Drivers, Linksys Drivers, Webcam Drivers, Graphic Drivers, VGA Drivers & Other Windows Driver

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Hard Drive Inspector 3.60 Build 323 Professional & for Notebooks

Hard Drive Inspector 3.60 Build 323 Professional & for Notebooks | 5.48 Mb

Hard Drive Inspector is a powerful, effective and easy-to-use program that monitors hard drive health. The value of information stored on an average computer hard drive often exceeds the value of the computer itself. But a hard drive is one of the most unreliable internal computer devices. When it crashes (which happens quite frequently), the stored information will be lost fully or partially. Subsequent information recovery is either not possible at all, or constitutes a very sophisticated and expensive procedure that can be performed only by specialists.

Modern hard drives support S.M.A.R.T. (Self-Monitoring, Analysis, and Reporting Technology) that was specially developed to detect upcoming disk failures. Using this technology Hard Drive Inspector can monitor the current state of various life-critical parameters describing a disk's reliability and performance. Hard Drive Inspector analyzes this data and warns the user if the parameters indicate a critical reduction of disk reliability. Timely alerts make it possible to copy the data and replace an unreliable disk, thus preventing information loss.

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Adobe Photoshop CS5 Extended Essentials Full version

Adobe Photoshop CS5 Extended Essentials DVD | 1.35 GB

Description: Total Training for Adobe Photoshop CS5 Extended: Essentials is learning the way it needs to be; informative and engaging with fast results. Follow along with real-world techniques, and time-saving tips presented in a clear, concise manner that put the power of the worlds leading image editing software in your hands.

Title: Adobe Photoshop CS5 Extended
Essentials
Category: Print Design & Publishing
Presenter: Amadou Diallo

Platform: Windows & MAC OS
Format: DVD-ROM & Online
Running Time: 6.2 Hrs, 1 DVD
Level: Beginner to Intermediate
Project Files: Included
Availability: DVD Pre-Order only
Shipping Info: DVDs estimated shipping date is April 30, 2010.
Solutions: Multi-User Education Government International More

Highlights
Five New Features covered in this title:

1. The Refine Radius Tool
2. Content-aware healing and fills
3. The Mixer Brush
4. Live Workspace updates
5. Mini Bridge

http://hotfile.com/dl/38838116/49e9687/CS5_Extended_Essentials.part2.rar.html
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Putting Romance Back Into Your Marriage

2008-08-07T00:29:00.000-07:00

by: Mark McAuley
Let me start by saying I am not a psycholigist or therapist, I am just a guy, who was married for 16 years, until that ended about a year and a half ago. I am now in a new and exciting relationship, which I believe will work out great. I am forty years old and just speaking from experience. Hopefully these tips I give you will spice up your love life again.
Often times in a marriage or long-term relationship, couples tend to fall into a routine. What maybe started out as a very romantic relationship, begins to slow down as bills, children, work and all the pressures of life conspire to give us stress and lead us away from what is really important.
I would venture to guess that most divorces stem from this problem. You see each other As a business partner, parenting partner, chore partner. But not so much as a lover. You have to drive the kids here and there, while your partner is getting the groceries. There is always something to do,and it usually does not include being alone with your partner.
Every once in a while you remember what it was like in the beginning, and think why can’t it be like that again. By the way, both sexes think this, the problem is they only think it, and usually don’t talk about it.
When the kids are small, I know it isn’t as easy to make time for each other, but the most important thing you can do for your marriage is to MAKE time. If that means getting grandma and grandpa to watch the kids overnight, or splurging on a babysitter once a week, it would be the best investment you could make in your marriage.
If you could get away with your partner for a date night once a week, you won’t regret it. Whether going out for dinner, or a movie, or a long walk together, it will bring the two of you closer together. Plus, getting away from the kids is a great stress reliever.
Then when you get back home, still with no kids around, a great way to spice things up in the bedroom, is with lingerie. It may sound cliché, but it really works. Think about it ladies, your partner sees you all week as a mom, housekeeper, breadwinner. The last thing he is thinking of you as, is a bedroom goddess. Believe me, if you come home after a nice night out, and you go upstairs and put on a beautiful piece of lingerie, a nice teddy, or corset, body stocking, or bustier, you’re partner will definitely be put into the mood.
It will make him see you as he used to see you. More than a mom, etc. After all, isn’t that what you want?
But, don’t stop there. A great way to spice things up is to try things you never tried before. That could be something as simple as bringing some food into the mix, you know strawberries, whip cream, things like that. Then, there is always the massage, everybody loves a massage with warm oil. Just the fact you are doing things differently will really help spice things up. We all know that we fall into a routine in the bedroom after a while. The only cure for that is to change things around.

Relationship Advice: Follow Your Gut!

2008-08-07T00:28:00.002-07:00

by: Justin C Luyt
Relationship Advice: Follow Your Gut!Copyright © 2005 Justin C. LuytThe Spirit of Romancehttp://www.SpiritOfRomance.comWhen people seek relationship advice from a trusted friend or family member, it is most likely a waste of time, says relationship author Justin Luyt."We ask for relationship advice often when we feel we do not have the answers to our relationship challenges," Luyt says. "We grasp for external wisdom, with the false belief that we do not know the answers, but if we are being authentic to ourselves, we have those answers."Luyt recently published The Spirit of Romance, a book that offers readers practical relationship advice and uses interactive planning tools to not just change thoughts, but feelings and behavior, too. Using the term "Spirit", Luyt defines the inner source people must acknowledge before looking honestly inside themselves instead of seeking relationship advice from others."We know why we are where we are in the relationship," Luyt says, "but often avoid our own internal introspection. Spirit challenges us to grow and learn."He insists that by strengthening relationship with Spirit, people can truly grow and move past the challenges at hand."When we ask for help from a friend, it is for an ear... not guidance," he summarizes.Throughout his book, Luyt offers a look at self-reflective relationship advice, all based on Spirit, which allows people to see others in their true light, as people filled with desires, dreams and vulnerabilities.Luyt writes people seek mutual personal and spiritual growth as the basis for any relationship. His ideas of Spirit inspire people too look within their core being to experience something they can understand and feel completely. This acceptance of Spirit negates the need for outside relationship advice when people can answer the crucial questions with knowledge from within.When a relationship changes form or course, people have it within their Spirit to redirect their energies from sensitivity and vulnerability to spiritual strength. This strength gives people the ability to become their own relationship advisors because they have gained the insight necessary to overcome false doubts.Luyt writes, "People are here to grow; and spiritual growth occurs in a space of love, not fear."Through his public speaking and counseling work, the South African native has developed the Accelerated Romance Coaching Program, a one-of-a-kind mentoring and coaching system for singles and couples. Various Fortune 500 companies have used his trans-continental engagingly fresh, out-of-the-box and into- reality approach for group seminars, training and coaching.

Romance On A Budget – Cheap Thrills Can Lead To A Lifetime Of Love

2008-08-07T00:28:00.001-07:00

by: Heidi Richards
Romance isn’t about spending money, it’s about spending time together, spending energy and creativity to attract and keep the relationship exciting and the love alive. - Heidi Richards Romance isn’t about how much money you lavish on another. It’s about attracting the object of your affection. Romance is about making dreams and fantasies come true. Romance is defined as “an exciting and mysterious quality; a relationship between two lovers.” It is the “act of making your partner feel loved.” Romance is more than an act, it’s a state of being. It’s the heart, the soul and the mind working together to create an adventure, and increase enthusiasm for one another. “Romance means intimacy and connection, which means paying attention to detail. It’s making her lunch or giving him a massage. It’s making the bed together and cuddling. It’s holding hands and leaving little “love notes” around the house. It’s touching and feeling and listening and sharing. It’s excitement and serenity, spontaneity and planning. It’s telling the other person what you want, and doing the things the other person likes. It’s connecting deeply. Romance is about timing, imagination, exploration and creativity. Being Romantic is about…. being creative, being willing to take a risk. Sometimes it’s being sweet. Sometimes it’s being silly. Romance is about … the right attitude. And attitude can cost you a little or a lot. True romantics have the right attitude; and use imagination to cultivate loving, sensual relationships. So just how do you develop the right attitude? Start out with little acts of affection, little things to show you care and can be romantic. Here are a few suggestions (excerpted from the book, Romance on a Budget) to help you spark your imagination. - This Kiss (#10) – You must remember this; a kiss is still a kiss… kiss often. Repeat several times. - Look into My Eyes (#11) – When you gaze into each others eyes, everyone else seems to disappear. And looking intensely at one another can send a message to your lover that can lead to other things. - You Light up my Life (#15) - Spray the perfume or cologne you wear on a light bulb. When the light is turned on the scent of you will fill the room. - What a Feeling (#19) – Tell your love how much you appreciate him/her. Write your message on a post-it-note and stick it where it is sure to be found. - Get out of your Comfort Zone (Intro) – Do something impulsive, even a little risky that will excite your lover and ignite the romance. Like the song says “Love Don’t come easy.” I believe that “Romance Don’t Come Easy. “ But with a little practice and planning, the results can be thrillllllllling….

Recovering from Romantic Fantasy

2008-08-07T00:27:00.001-07:00

by: James Sniechowski
Chances are you never thought you needed to be rescued from romance. In fact, you probably feel you need more romance in your life, not less. The truth is that most hearts are broken in the painful difference between the possibility of real romance and the insistence on the fantasy of romance -- with the real thing taking the loss. Recovering from romantic fantasy is based on your willingness to accept who you and your partner are -- without deceit, without drama, without all of the false puffery so many of us put around our images of love, relationship and intimacy. Recovering from romantic fantasy does not mean living without it. It means you will have, perhaps for the first time in your life, the chance to experience reality-based romance that is meaningful, fulfilling, passionate and can actually help create a relationship you can trust and delight in. This kind of romance -- real romance -- can fill your soul with the feeling and knowledge that you are loved for who you are, just as you are, and it can inspire you to love deeply and fully in return. What can you expect should you decide to recover from swept-away romantic fantasy? Here's an example.Judith: One evening, we bought a special pie for a friend, to thank him for a favor he'd done for us. It was a strawberry-banana cream pie with a collar of sculpted whip cream around the top. Careful not to tip it, Jim set it on the floor of the car behind the driver's seat and we made our way home.The day had been particularly difficult for Jim, and he was feeling raw and vulnerable. When we got home, he picked up the pie and the box caught on the edge of the seat, tumbled over and landed top down. It was that kind of day. He looked to me and timidly said, "Maybe it'll be okay." He opened the box and the pie, of course, was demolished, more like strawberry-banana-cream porridge. Jim slumped.I was angry that the pie had fallen and shocked when Jim announced it might have survived intact. I knew better. How could he not have? But, more importantly, I knew Jim wassuffering. I understood what he was going through. So, I put my arm around him and told him, "It's a mess, isn't it? I'm so sorry..... Let's get another one later." It was a moment of real romance that left both of us feeling whole and human, compassionate and connected, loved and loving. In contrast to the grandiosity of romantic fantasy, we were just in our garage with a fallen pie, and yet we both experienced a sense of grace and beauty and a special bond of intimacy.Can you picture yourself sitting around dreaming up a romantic fantasy where a dropped pie leads to heartfelt love? Most people, being honest, would have to say, "No." That's just not how romance is thought of in our culture. Besides, romantic fantasy always ends up being punitive. It is contemptuous of "fallen pies." It's dismissive of human imperfection, derisive of anything that doesn't reach the lofty heights of romantic bliss.Real romance comes from beyond what you already know. It's spontaneous, unrehearsed and open-hearted. It's about what's happening in the moment, about the attention and affection between two people. When you're open to the heightened awareness of real romance, a vivid, even ecstatic experience can spring from any unexpected moment. If you try to hold onto it, you cancel your invitation for life to catch you off guard and take you into the deepest places of your heart and soul.

Decorate your bedroom for romance!

2008-08-07T00:26:00.000-07:00

by: Pat bowlin
Want to spice up your bedroom to let some romance in?Decorating your bedroom for romance doesn't even have to be difficult or expensive. You can really let your creativity run wild here. The most important thing to keep in mind is that you want to soothe all of the senses to both take away other distractions and relax completely. This should be your oasis, your refuge to reconnect and enjoy your partner's company.A great place to start is lighting. Get rid of the glare, and you're well on the way to more romance!Candles, candles and more candles can bring a lot of romance into the bedroom for a pretty small investment. Candles, both large and small, tapered, pillar or votives all generate a warm, inviting, flickering light to the room. Group them together in several areas of the room for the best effect. Adding a dimmer switch to lighting can also be quite effective in designing bedrooms for romance- and cost very little as long as you can install it yourself. It isn't as difficult as you might think!Placing mirrors to reflect your softened light will add more depth to your bedroom.Window dressings that are plush and appealing should darken the room and prevent lights from traffic or other external noise from interrupting the romantic mood you are creating. The window treatment can match or contrast the bedding and often can be found as an accessory to the bedding set you select. Draperies that billow and flow can add a touch of romance to the bedroom as well.The bed, of course, is the focal point of the bedroom in most cases, and the bedding you select for romance can set just the perfect mood.Many people think of silk and satin when thinking of romantic bedding. Both silk and satin can be costly and a bit slippery on the bed. The good news is that the same luxurious effect and feel can be created with 100% cotton sateen sheets if you don't want the added expense of genuine satin or silk linens. Choose bedding for your romantic bedroom that centers on relaxing, romantic colors. Avoid using too much grey, yellow or pink. Red, black, white, blue and green is very popular. Newer colors like pearl, bronze and even gold can really create the feeling of luxury and are quite romantic.Remember that all of your senses should be involved for the perfect touch of romance- so adding interesting texture for bedding can be another opportunity to bring out romance. Velvet, faux fur and velour are rich, soft to the touch fabrics that can be used for comforters, blankets and throw pillows.Peacock Alley is one of the most well-known luxury bedding maker. They offer an especially warm, romantic bed linen set called the Marrakech Ebony. It features shades of green, gold and ebony in prints reminiscent of the African plains and looks especially romantic when highlighted by candlelight. 55% linen and 45% rayon create luxurious sheets which are easy to care for. The Vienna Ensemble from Peacock Alley is 100% Egyptian cotton in white on white featuring eyelet lace. Euro sham, coverlet, boudoir pillows add wonderful interesting detail to the bedding which brings back the romantic 1800s.And if you'd prefer to keep your expenses down abit, then you could go for the shabby chic approach, which means focusing on your own sense of style, mixing just about any romantic touches into the bedroom- as long as the overall result is soothing and relaxing. You don't have to follow anyone else's idea of romance. Just be creative!If you really want to go all out, you could add a canopy to your bed. You can easily create the same effect of a canopy bed with about 10 yards of material like linen, silk or satin and four hooks placed in the ceiling. Simply drape the cloth so that it billows and flows to just above the bed linens. This touch will enhance any spacious bedroom and can provide a bedroom with low ceilings a more spacious feel.Finish your new romantic bedroom with abit of soft music, maybe some potpourri and some fine chocolates and champagne, and there you have it!You can live in a bedroom that surrounds you with romance every night if you wish. Simply bring together your own creation of romantic touches and enjoy.

Feng Shui and Romance

2008-08-07T00:25:00.002-07:00

by: Heidi Richards
Using the Ancient Art to Enhance Your Romantic Space “If your love life needs a quick boost, you can use the art of placement to produce the romantic results you desire.” Heidi Richards Feng Shui (pronounced fung shway) is the ancient Asian practice of object arrangement and space planning designed to bring balance, harmony and well-being to your environment. Its purpose is to enhance prosperity, creative, health and romance. Feng Shui fortifies a home with positive energy known as chi. The attainment of positive chi is both an art and a blessing to those who manifest that chi. The word “feng” means wind and “shui” means water, each one associated with a good harvest and ultimate good health or good fortune. If your love life needs a quick boost, you can use the art of placement to produce the romantic results you desire. Relationships need the proper environment to grow. They need the balance of the five elements, too much or too little will find the romance wither. Here are some Feng Shui tips to enhance your romantic space: The first thing you must do is remove clutter out of your romance area (generally this is the bedroom). That means you must remove trash, dirty ashtrays, dead plants and nothing should be stored under the bed. Dust and cobwebs on the fans, walls, light fixtures and ceilings should be cleaned away. Enhance your space with romance colors, such as shades of pinks, reds and whites. Guys, this does not mean it has to be feminine. You can use maroon, grayish tones of pinks and whites to achieve the same results. The key is to not use any one color so much that it overpowers the others. Other good colors include browns, beiges, lavenders, yellows and deeper shades of those are appropriate. If you keep flowers in the room (an excellent way to attract romance into your life), make sure they are always fresh. At the first sign of wilting, toss them out. Silk flowers are an okay alternative, provided they are free of dust. Absolutely no dried flowers as they signify death. Also, make sure the roses are de-thorned. Nothing prickly such as cactus, unless your goal is to break-up. In Feng Shui a Relationship Alter positively stimulates a relationship. Designate a special place in your romance area in which to put items that will encourage a healthy, loving relationship. Things to include in your relationship altar can include a heart shaped pink crystal quartz, a pair of candles, mandarin ducks. Use the Pairs Principle to encourage love. That means two candles, two nightstands, two lights on top, two potted plants, two pillows, two chairs, etc. The Chinese symbol for love is Mandarin ducks. They signify love, romance, fidelity, affection, and loyalty in love. Your bed should be placed in the commanding position of the room. This is to permit the widest possible vision. The door or entry to the room should be easily seen from the bed. And the head of the bed should be against a wall or against a corner. If you have nightstands, make sure one is on either side (a pair) and that the bed is accessible on three sides to attract and keep a partner. The bed should not be placed under a window. The bedroom is for sleep and intimacy. No one should come into your room without your invitation. There should be no distractions such as workout equipment, a television, things that would remind you of work. It is good to hang pink (heart-shaped) crystals and wind chimes in a sunny window to attract good love energy (yang). Pictures of you as a child, your children or other relatives should also be removed from the bedroom or romance area. This space should be reserved for couples and should only display pictures of the two of you. Dim lights will give the room a warm, inviting feeling. No harsh fluorescents or high wattage lighting, here. While this is by no means the ultimate guide to Feng Shui for Romance, it is a good start. These ten tips will give your relationship area the boost it deserves and your romance the fulfillment it requires. Altar your space and you will altar your love life. If you want to know more about the ancient art of Feng Shui, there are many excellent resources listed below. Recommended reading: Feng Shui for Love & Romance by Richard Webster Feng Shui DOS & Taboos for Love by Ana Ma Wong The Complete Illustrated Guide to Feng Shui: How to Apply the Secrets of Chinese Wisdom for Health, Wealth and Happiness by Lillian Too Build a Better Life Using Feng Shui: A Workbook and Guide for Applying Feng Shui in Your Environment by Debra Michie

Top 10 Ideas To Revive a Fizzling Relationship

2008-08-07T00:25:00.001-07:00

by: Micheline Micheline
Top 10 Ideas To Revive a Fizzling Relationship?Copyright 2005 Micheline Love is exciting, and when a relationship is new, almost everything you do together is fresh and alive, and keeps you enthralled. Then time begins to pass, and while the love is still there, the relationship may have lost some of its sparkle, whether it's because you now have a family or not. Here are some of the top 10 ideas to revive a fizzling relationship that might just put some of the bubble back into the champagne of your life.1. Do something unexpected. Send your partner flowers at work. That applies to men, too! Or take them out for dinner on a weeknight. 2. What lit your fire to start with? Strike the match again, by duplicating that initial moment you fell in love with your partner, and be sure to tell them why you've created this just for them.3. Communicate. If you find it hard to say things, try surprising your better half with notes in their lunch, on their pillow, in the car, etc. Often the written word opens other doors.4. Make time just for you. And don't break the date! Book babysitters ahead or clear your work calendar so there is nobody on it but the other person.5. Get out of the rut!-literally. Take your partner somewhere new, and alone. Even if it's just a cabin on the lake. Rediscover each other all over.6. Find something you like about your partner, every day. Then tell them what it is.7. Find a shared interest. Explore new hobbies, sports, or other interests that you both like, and can participate in together.8. Accept your partner's faults. Then admit your own. Make an effort not to keep repeating them out of laziness or habit.9. Get physical. Touch your partner. In compassion, sympathy, friendship, and sexual attraction. Let them know that you are there.10. Make promises, and keep them. Slip a note into their wallet or purse that says what is being served for dinner tonight, and promise that dessert will be worth waiting for!

Sports And Romance

2008-08-07T00:24:00.002-07:00

by: Nicole Dean
How can sports possibly be be romantic? It's simple. Just ask any man who has cheered on his favorite team, while cuddling with his wife, and he'll tell you.Many women I know profess to hate all sports. Why? If it's something your husband really enjoys, wouldn't you rather learn about it, and share the common bond of sports than to have him watch it alone or always leave to watch it with his buddies? Me? I'd rather be a sports wife than a sports widow.Before you start to panic, let me sneak in a disclaimer. No, you don't have to put on a parka and sit through an icy-cold Green Bay Packers game in November to show your husband your love. You can certainly sit warm and cozy on your living room couch together, to show him that he is special to you.Does the thought of being cooped up indoors watching a game bore you to tears? If so, take him on a trip to see his favorite professional team or player. Or, for a more relaxed date, go to a local Middle School or High School game. You'll love the energy. It's hard not to get hooked watching those kids put their hearts and souls into their games.You're still not convinced? Why not show your romantic side with your sports-loving husband in a fun, active way. No matter what his favorite sport is, you can easily find a way to participate.Football Fans: Toss the football with him in the yard. If you've never played football before or just got your nails done, use a Nerf ball. When he lets you tackle him, you can sneak in a kiss.Basketball Fans: Shoot hoops in the driveway. Play a game of "HORSE". The winner gets a back rub or snuggling afterwards. That way you both win!Baseball Fans: Play catch with a water balloon on a hot summer day. Go to the batting cage. Or join a softball league together. It's great exercise, and you get to enjoy time together.Hockey Fans: Dust off your rollerblades, grab a hockey stick and a street puck and hit the street with your husband. What do you have to lose other than a few inches off your thighs?Fantasy Sports Fans: Join his Fantasy Football, Baseball or Basketball League. It's a great way to get to know his friends and also be one of the 'cool' wives. You might even surprise him and win a few games.Golf Fans: Play golf together. Or, if your finances are tight, try a game of mini-golf!NASCAR fans: Visit the local arcade. Find two racing games that are connected so you can race each other.Tour de France fans: This one is easy. Pack a lunch and a few jugs of water on your bikes and hit the road.No matter what you plan, it'll be a treat for him. And, the next time you're watching an episode of Desperate Housewives, don't be surprised if you find your husband sitting next to you.

Your Intuition and Romance

2008-08-07T00:24:00.001-07:00

by: Heidi Richards
Using all Six Senses to Be More Romantic “Knowing what your partner wants and needs is your sixth sense or intuition at work.” - Heidi Richards Call it intuition. Call it ESP. We all have it and can use it to create a lasting romantic relationship. When our sixth sense is in full gear, it’s like one of those timeless moments between two people when nothing else in the world matters and no one else exists. I’m not talking sex, here. I am talking when two people connect on a level beyond the physical. Let me explain. I was married for 16 years to a good man; he was a good father and a good provider. In fact, we seldom had any conflict in our lives. For some women that might be enough. And yet something was missing from our relationship. He just didn’t “get” me. Even after 16+ years of marriage, he didn’t really know what I liked or what made me tick. It was inevitable that we would not stay together forever. Then I met a man whom I have been with for nearly 14 years. It was like he knew instinctively what I liked without me even telling him. Rarely does a day goes by when one of us doesn’t call each other and talk about something the other was actually thinking or go to the store and buy dinner (just what the other was craving without verbalizing that craving). We tease one another about how keen our sixth sense is at certain times. I find it very romantic. I call it a connection to something more and greater than the physical senses are able to distinguish. And how about the other five senses? How do we know just which senses we should focus on? If they work to create the kind of romance your partner appreciates, then I believe you have what it takes to increase the power of your sixth sense, far beyond touch, taste, sight, smell and sound. Here are some tips for using all six senses to be more romantic (excerpted from the book Romance on a Budget – www.romanceonabudget.net): Sight Look into my Eyes (#11) – When you gaze into each others eyes, everyone else seems to disappear. And looking intensely at one another can send a message to your partner that can lead to better things. Sound Listen … (#37) – Do you want to know a secret? Being a good listener is an art. Some people are natural good listeners, others need practice. When you truly listen to one another it demonstrates that you care about what they are saying. It’s most important communication skill in a successful long-term relationship. If you really want to know your partner’s likes and dislikes, wants and desires, perfect the art of listening. Taste Hungry for love (#120) – Visit a local fruit or vegetable grove together and pick your own. Take your goodies home and cook up something wonderful, then feed it to each other. MMMMMM… Good! Smell The scent of you (#46) Spray your perfume or cologne on the phone most often used by your partner. Or all the phones in the house. This will surely kick the romance meter up a few notches. It’s especially effective if you are going out of town. Touch Touch me in the morning (#115) – … in the afternoon, in the evening. Give your partner a massage. Buy some fragrant massage oils and watch the tension turn to pleasure. Take turns. Intuition A Hard Day’s Night (#30) – After a hard day’s work, surprise your partner by having a steaming hot bath ready and waiting. Light the bathroom with candles and yummy scents. After bathing and drying your partner off, show him/ her to your candle lit boudoir, where the bed is ready and waiting with satin sheets and rose petals and soft music is playing. This is where you will proceed to rub his/her body down with scented body massage oil. After working up an appetite, have a romantic dinner ready, waiting to be served. Developing and using all six senses in romance can create a connection that goes deeper – to our souls. Knowing what your partner wants and needs is your sixth sense or intuition at work. When you develop your sixth sense in romance you will instinctively know which of the other five to use when and in which combination to use them.

Here Comes the Sun (Signs) - Romance, Astrology and You

2008-08-07T00:23:00.003-07:00

by: Heidi Richards
"Your sun sign can tell a lot about you as a lover. It can help you explore how you approach your romantic love interests." Heidi Richards Is it easy for you to get close to someone or do you take your time in developing meaningful relationships? What does your partner bring to your relationship that either helps it blossom or keeps it from going anywhere? Are you finding love elusive or does it come easy? How do you relate to those you are romantically attracted to? What kind of relationship are you looking for? What kind of partner are you seeking? While reading about your sun sign is not the entire answer to the age-old challenge of finding the right partner, it can be a start. Your sun-sign is only one aspect of your persona, what makes you, you. Your Rising and Moon also determine the life you were born to lead. Romance, Astrology and You will shed some light on sun signs and romance. Beyond that, you may wish to you seek professionals who can prepare your chart and give you a more in-depth personality/life reading. The signs are divided into the four elements which represent them. They are the elements of Fire, Earth, Air and Water. This first page covers the Fire signs - Aries, Leo and Sagittarius. The Earth signs - Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn are on the next page, Air signs - Gemini, Libra and Aquarius, the next and the last page is dedicated to the Water signs – Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces. Fire Signs Fire signs represent enthusiasm and energy. The hallmark of fire is inspiration. With a joy for life, they can be ardent, forceful and have a tendency to be extremely impulsive. ARIES - (March 22 - April 20). Aries is ruled by Mars, and its symbol is the Ram. Aries is a Fire sign, impulsive and energetic. You are bold and impatient, easily infatuated, and often lose interest if boredom sets in. You tend toward impulsive rather than cautious when it comes to matters of the heart, making your interest known (sometimes too quickly), and you tend to be very direct – shy is not a word to describe the impetuous Aries. You quickly bounce back from rejection, although it isn’t something you are use to, as you like to get your way. Quips and quarrels are often seen as foreplay with the direct Aries. You like the conquest in romance and can play "hard-to-get". You find it stimulating when the object of your affection plays the same game. However, in the long run you love to let yourself be caught, to be "swept away" with desire. You gravitate toward the confident, rather than those who appear needier. Aries loves to be caressed and told that you are the best. LEO - (July 23 – August 22) Leo is ruled by the Sun and its symbol is the lion. As a Fire sign, Leo’s world revolves around the principles of identity and drama. You love to be the center of your partner’s adoration and attention. You tend to be flamboyant and melodramatic when it comes to matters of the heart. You crave attention and find ways to announce that you have arrived, whether it be with a look, the way you “waltz” into a room, the way you toss your head or even the way you walk up to someone and give them a gentle touch. You are a true romantic and have been known to write a poem or two. You have style, are generous and love to “surprise” the object of your affection with flowers and candy. In fact, surprises are second nature to you. You often sport an aristocratic air, even if you weren’t born into nobility. You love to be adored and admired and taking the lead in romance gives you a sense of power. You expect to be respected, and will act worthy of respect with one you desire. You know how to turn on the charm and raise the heat in a relationship. Leos love to be touched and admired. SAGITTARIUS - (November 22 – December 21) Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter and is symbolized by the archer. This Fire sign is connected with the identity. You crave variety, new ideas, and new experiences. In fact, you can be a little "excessive," which means you can over-do things a bit - or a lot. You love to explore new places, people and foods. Change is something you simply cannot live without. Routine is not a word that sits well with you and anyone romantically interested in the archer better be ready for adventure. You are a truth seeker, love to learn and your interests are eclectic and varied. You tend to embellish things a bit (almost to the point of exaggeration) especially when it comes someone who might be attracted to you. You want them to find you as interesting as you find life itself. You love your "space" and freedom and want your partner to feel the same. You find independence in others as sexy as it is second nature to you. Playful dates are a real turn-on for someone seeking a good-time. When it comes to love-interests, you want to be "friends first". Honesty is paramount to you and you expect it from those in your life, especially your mate. You can be philosophical one moment and class clown the next. You are very jovial and will seek a partner who makes you laugh. When it comes to spirituality, you consider yourself a guide along the long and winding road to self-discovery. And when in the learning mode, the Sagittarius will be a "seeker" or student to those who can teach or inspire you. Sagittarians are as turned-on by a stimulating conversation as they are by sensual exploration.Earth signs are physical and have to do with primarily material affairs. They are natural and their feet tend to be firmly planted on the ground, "earthy" types. The hallmark of earth signs is practicality. TAURUS - (April 21 – May 21) Taurus is ruled by Venus and its symbol is the bull. Taurus is an Earth sign which is connected with fruitfulness and stability. You love luxury and sensual comforts such as silky satin sheets, robes fit for a king or queen and beautiful surroundings. You seek comfort, security and beauty. A perfect romance to you is one that is harmonious and beautiful, even if a bit materialistic. Because of your fondness for pretty things, you will proudly display your possessions and purchasing power. You are easygoing, calm, and comfortable to be around. You enjoy sharing "quiet times" with your love interest and also get excited about everyday activities such as shopping and cooking and dining. You tend to be stubborn and will do whatever you can to get what you want. When it comes to showering affection on the object of your desire, you enjoy physical contact. You have a very sensual nature and appreciate the pleasures of food, art, music, perfumes, fondling, or sex. Because you appreciate nature; a walk in the woods, hiking and rock-climbing may be considered exciting dates. You also love sunsets camping, gardening and simply being outdoors and can be attracted to those who are equally down-to-earth and outdoorsy. As long as your partner or mate displays the qualities of loyalty and honesty qualities which you likely possess, they will have your undying loyalty and a relationship destined to endure. VIRGO - (August 23 - September 22) Virgo is ruled by Mercury and is symbolized by the Virgin. As an Earth sign, Virgo is connected with material things and practicality. The ultimate organizer, you gravitate toward anything that puts your analytical mind to use. To the outside world you may appear reserved and tend to hold back your emotions, when it comes to love, it’s no holds barred for the loving Virgo. You display great attention to detail which can be considered good fortune or a curse when it comes to relationships. You are good at remembering your partner’s desires (even those that were only mentioned in passing) and love to cater to those desires. To you, organizing the object of your affections is considered “flirting.” Your favorite role is to be of help and service to friends and partners. You are witty, perceptive and logical. Your reasoning powers help you to resolve conflicts easily and quickly taking your romance to new depths. You need a partner who will help you loosen your cautious shy nature. You are a good listener and communicator, an important aspect in romance. You love to “fuss” over your partner and can sometimes be seen as critical. Your partner should know though, that if you were not interested, you would not work so hard to help your love interest be “all he or she can be.” Good health is of great concern to you and you work hard to take care of yourself. You aim to please and when it comes to love you fall hard. Virgos are most attracted to those who keep themselves physically fit. Capricorn – (December 22 - January 20) Capricorn is ruled by Saturn and is symbolized by the sea goat. As an Earth sign, Capricorn is motivated, determined and sets practical goals. Taking unnecessary risks is not your “thing,” even in the area of romance. You are ambitious and responsible. You will, however do “whatever it takes” to get what you want. Social status, reputation, position, and career are important to you. You use these to impress and attract the object of your desires. When it comes to love, no silly games for you, you prefer a more mature approach to courtship. Glamour and dazzle are more your style – so an evening that starts out in a limousine would be perfect. You are supportive and dependable, good qualities in any relationship. Security, a good home, and the finer things in life are what you strive for. You do not shy away from commitment, as long as it is with the right person – in fact you "play for keeps" and will be forever faithful. Some might consider you a loner, but do not be fooled by the aloof Capricorn. You are longing for a deep, meaningful relationship with just the right partner. Capricorns can be as powerful in the bedroom as they are in the boardroom, so lovers beware. You are seen by your peers as a “winner” and often attract the same. When it comes to romantic adventures, you are both practical and romantic so a perfect getaway for you could include both work and play. Air signs have a great deal to do with relationships and intellect and are gatherer knowledge using their intuition and the head. They are known for getting what they desire and achieving their goals. Their hallmark is making a difference in the world, whether it be in their own circle of influence or something much larger. Gemini - (May 22 – June 21) Gemini is ruled by the planet Mercury and is symbolized by the Twins. An Air sign, Gemini is connected with communication. You have a way with words. You're good at flirting and teasing, and can be a real sweet talker. Because of your “twins” influence you are clever at adapting your style to suit the seduction. You can be witty and clever and easily are attracted to good conversationalists. You love the power of suggestion and using double entendres. In fact, you use them proficiently when you are flirting with others, whether they be romantic interests or just passing fancies. You adapt easily to most situations and love to share stores of people, places and experiences, which you skillfully use to arouse the interest of one you desire. Because you are so tuned into communicating, you can see both sides of a situation. You know there are always at least three sides to every conflict. The sides of each party involved and the truth; which you have a knack for discovering. You can be a prolific writer. Love letters, poetry and notes are easily used to seduce the object of your affection. And mind games are beyond your realm of romantic antics. Internet chat rooms and forums stir your interest. Who knows, you may even find your future mate online. You have been known to give “good phone,” and enjoy long conversations that revolve around romance and sexual innuendos. Flirting is second nature to you and you are almost shameless when it comes to practicing your flirting style. Because of their sometimes short attention span, Gemini lovers are more likely stay around if they feel mentally stimulated. Libra - Romantic. (September 23 – October 23) Libra is ruled by Venus. An Air sign, Libra is connected with social relationships and its symbol are the scales. Known as a diplomat to those closest to you, you have an incredible sense of objectivity and seek harmony and balance in relationships and life. Happiest when you are in love, you can be sweet and sensitive. You love talking about things relating to love and romance such as novels, movies or songs. It is your way of flirting with the object of your desires. You are a charming, gracious and considerate lover and can adapt your style to attract the one you desire. In fact, you like to be partners in most aspects of life and will find ways of including those you love and admire in your plans, whether it be at work, home or play. Although crowds of people don’t seem to bother you, you prefer spending time with your love interest alone rather than in a group setting. You may start out at a big gala affair, but will look for an appropriate time to get away so the two of you can spend time alone together. You are a thoughtful partner and lover and give your full attention to your mate. Giving your undivided attention is your way of flirting. You have a keen interest in others and can lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on. You love courting and or being courted by the object of your affection. Hearts and flowers go a long way in the romance arena of your life. Librans do not like to be manipulated, fair play is an absolute must. Aquarius - (January 21 – February 21) Aquarius is ruled by Uranus. An Air sign, Aquarius is very social, and is symbolized by the water bearer. An inventor at heart, you can be seen by others as a little “quirky,” often gravitating toward the future and progress of humankind. You are considered a visionary and open-minded looking for less conventional ways of being and doing than the other signs. You don’t generally break down under peer pressure; you prefer to be different from others. You are highly liked and surrounded by friends because you know how to be one. A humanitarian, you long for social reform and prefer those who share your thoughts on life over those who easily conform to societal pressures. You tend to be more attracted to the outrageous than one who looks and act like everyone else. You are sometimes thought of as a “rebel with a cause” and will be attracted to a partner who you shares your desire to change the world. You are a free spirit who needs his or her own space, but don’t mind sharing that space with the object of your affection, as long as you don’t get pushed into a corner. You enjoy sharing your vision of the future with the one you desire and consider it your way of flirting. Sometimes you appear aloof or unemotional, which can be a turn-off for some. Not to worry, the right person will find it attractive and be curious to know what lies beneath that detached exterior. It seems an odd way to "flirt", but it can be attractive to those who are curious and have a similar demeanor. It is the game of “intrigue” that can often turn someone on and make them want to know more. The Aquarius is a creative and imaginative in lover and will often seduce the object of their desire in unusual ways (and places).Water signs are reflective, responsive and whose nature is toward abundance, sometimes excess. Their hallmark is their emotional, expressive nature. Cancer – Caring - (June 22 – July 22) Cancer is ruled by the Moon and its symbol is the crab. It is a Water sign, and as such is connected to the world of emotion and the instincts. People react in a positive way to your sensitive intuitive nature. If it’s a love interest you are after, you instinctively know how to get the attention you desire. Because you are a good friend and confidante, people have a tendency to confess their sins to you. When it comes to flirting you prefer a more demure or reserved approach to one that is overt. You are a caring, nurturing lover and enjoy cuddling and hand-holding. You may seduce the object of your desire with a home-cooked meal of fare that is fit for a king or queen. You tend to fuss over the object of your affections, a clear indication that you are interested in pursuing the relationship further. Pampering and affection are your signatures in romance. You are also very protective of your love interests (all relationships for that matter) and will go to the ends of the earth to make those in your life feel safe and secure. Family is important to you and you enjoy sharing family traditions as well as starting those of your own creation. For you, home is where the heart is. A Cancerean in full courtship mode will invite their love interest to meet the family. You make those you love feel like the center of the universe. Scorpio - (October 24 – November 21) Scorpio is ruled by the planet Mars and is symbolized by the scorpion. As a Water sign it is connected with the world of emotions. You can be intently focused, even absorbed on the object of your desire. You are send by others as sultry, emotional and even a "dangerous". Your passionate nature can smolder for days, weeks and even months and then it all of the sudden erupts into a volcanic fire that is almost impossible to contain. You have a sexy animal magnetism" that can subtly seduces the object of your desires. There is a mesmerizing way about you; when you look into the eyes of your love it is as though you are looking deep into their soul. You are a born detective and will go to almost any lengths to find out about someone to whom you have an interest in. You are intense and emotionally perceptive. When hurt, you don’t mend easily and don’t forgive quickly (if ever). You know how to channel your energy and power into exploring your lover’s sexuality. You are intuitive and inquisitive; there are no secrets you won’t discover. However, your nature is such that you may keep a few secrets of your own. Ever resourceful and self-confident, you know what’s best for you and think you know what’s best for others. Sex with a Scorpio is anything but subtle, it is full of energy, daring and can even involve some risk taking. You are looking for a fearless lover, one willing to create a romance that will unleash your passions. Pisces - (February 22 – March 21) Pisces is ruled by the planet Neptune , and its symbol is two fish bound together. Pisces is a water sign, emotional and compassionate. You have an air of mystery and love a good secret. You love affairs of the heart and could become involved in a love tryst or steamy affair. You can be shy or coy, and your sensitive side and air of vulnerability can and will often work to your advantage to attract the object of your desires. You love romance and fantasy and sometimes have a hard time separating the two. You are able to share your deepest feelings with the one you love and often connect on a soul level. It is said the eyes are the window to the soul and you often find yourself flirting with your eyes. Pisces men are often seen as gallant (opening doors, and offering a hand) and both sexes can be self-sacrificing often putting the needs of their lover ahead of their own. You tend to daydream and often have your head in the clouds. You would rather go with the flow than ruffle feathers. You love to serve your lover and shower him or her with delightful fantasies. You have a spiritual nature, and are very creative. When it comes to romance, you can be unpredictable and truly enjoy the game of love, although you will pursue the object of your affection with slow, careful intent.

Infidelity Excuse: I Fell Out of Love...and just love being in love

2008-08-07T00:23:00.001-07:00

by: Dr. Robert Huizenga
I find this dilemma rather common for younger couples, probably mid or late 30s and younger.
Usually one reports, “falling out of love” and is truly disturbed by this shift. He/she (and this is not merely a female problem!) wants to “recapture” those feelings.
This person has found a “significant other” who has stirred those dormant feelings and this person once again “feels in love.”
They are determined not to “settle” for a less than an ideal relationship, which means, of course, feeling the love feelings.
Here are some Key Points for this kind of affair. (The 6 others are outlined in my E-book.)
1. Unfortunately, our culture (movies, songs, romance novels, soap operas, romance comedies) teaches us that this is how it’s supposed to be. “Falling in love” is the norm – the implication being, that if it doesn’t happen, or if it goes away, something is wrong – with you, your spouse or the marriage. A good relationship must first unlearn a great deal.
2. The person who was driven to find “that loving feeling” (reminds me of a song…) usually experiences a high degree of guilt and conflict. He/she is often married to a “good” person and the desire to “find that loving feeling” seems selfish (which it is) and immature (which it is). Intuitively (and this person usually has a great deal of intuition and sensitivity) it is known at another level that he/she is not on the right path.
3. This person usually has a need for drama and excitement. Life easily becomes a soap opera. Emotional juice from the fall-out of emotionally intense relationships reigns rather than living life from the core of who one is.
4. There is little understanding, or perhaps healthy models, of the shifts needed as a relationship matures. For example, “falling out of love” usually happens when the attractors become the distracters. For example: His love for fun and spontaneity, which drew her initially to him, becomes irresponsibility. Her stability and calm, which drew him initially to her, become control.
5. The person “looking for love” is actually looking for the ideal, someone out there, who will project back to him/her that he/she is OK. No, more than OK, close to perfect.
6. This person needs to be adored, or think another adores him/her, because there is a lack of inner strength and solid identity. The other becomes my world, because I lack a world. Being “in love” is the panacea for my emptiness.
7. Sexual intercourse does not need to be a part of these relationships. Sexual activity may indeed END the relationship or at least move it to the point where the attractors become, again, the distracters. The idealized images may be held together by long phone calls, gifts, holding, love letters, e-mails, etc.
8. This type of affair often occurs when there is a “lull” in the marriage relationship. The responsibility of raising children, starting and maintaining a career, paying bills, etc. become the focal point for the couple. Romance becomes a foreign word. People are especially vulnerable for this type of affair after the children are in school and/or the oldest child reaches early adolescence. (There are good reasons for this, from a family systems perspective, but I won’t get into that here.)
Tip: If your spouse is struggling with this type of relationship, make sure you hold and care for your self. Your spouse does not have the capacity to do this for you (or anyone) at this point. Yes, you are ok. Her/his affair says less about you and much more about the emptiness within her/him. It is time for you to know you better. Model for him/her what it means to be a person with a core, with integrity, with boundaries, with values, with meaning, with purpose and actively figure out what your needs are, and get them met. Maybe she will ask questions. Maybe she will not. Maybe soon. Maybe later.
For more information on the different kinds of affairs, what causes them, the probabilities of them ending a marriage and what you can do about it, visit my site.

Photos for Internet Personals: Top 4 Reasons Why Your Must Have a Photo

2008-08-07T00:22:00.004-07:00

by: Elena Solomon
Copyright (C) 2005 Elena SolomonAny online dating site will tell you that uploading your photo can increase your chances tenfold.Why should you have a photo in your personal ad online?Here are top 4 reasons:1. You get more responses to your ad2. People are more likely to answer your messages3. You appear more credible4. You can influence people’s opinion about youNow let’s consider those four points in more detail.1. YOU GET MORE RESPONSES TO YOUR ADMost members only view ads of members who have photos in their profiles. If your profile does not have one, you are not even in the search results. Some online dating sites also send newsletters to members with ads of new members who joined recently. If your ad does not have a photo, you may not make it.2. PEOPLE ARE MORE LIKELY TO ANSWER YOUR MESSAGESGood-looking people (who obviously have photos in their personal profiles) receive lots of mail. If you are writing to someone attractive and don’t have a photo in your profile, your message is likely to be ignored.3. YOU APPEAR MORE CREDIBLEWhen you do not have a photo in your personal ad on the dating site, it looks like you are either hiding something or you are too lazy to have one taken. Either way, it’s not good for your success on the dating site. If you are concerned about privacy, you can take a photo in sunglasses or from a distance, this will be better than having no photo at all.4. YOU CAN INFLUENCE PEOPLE’S OPINION ABOUT YOUThis is the biggest advantage of all. When people view personal ads online, photos are the most interesting part, both for men and women. Men mostly look for beauty, women for personality shining through.People try to figure out your personality by looking at your photos. If you appear happy, easygoing, open and warm, they will be naturally drawn to you. If you appear stiff, reserved, timid and insecure, they will feel repulsed. Look at your photos from this point of view, and if your photos don’t flatter you, get new pictures.You can use a webcam or take a photo of yourself with your mobile phone camera – this will only take you a couple of minutes. This is what most people do. But if you want BETTER than average results, then consider going an extra mile - this always pays off. Spend a day to get the right photos, and you may set up your love affair for life! Don’t you think it’s worth it?Get a friend with a digital camera to take a few hundreds of photos of you in different settings. Make sure you are dressed neat and stylish, and use open body language (no crossed legs or arms, no barriers between you and the viewer, relaxed, comfortable pose, and a lovely smile).Choose a dozen or so photos where YOU like yourself the most, and then show them to your friends of the OPPOSITE gender. Usually there will be one or two favorites: use them in your Internet personals ads.Having the right photo in your online dating campaign is crucial. It can make a difference between choosing from dozens of people competing for your attention and not having a date for the Saturday night. Update your photo in your Internet personals ad and check the difference – it can be staggering!

Infidelity: How “My Marriage Made Me Do It” is a Cop-out

2008-08-07T00:22:00.003-07:00

by: Dr. Robert Huizenga
Ask someone why they had, or are having an affair and you may hear something like this: “I have a lousy marriage. My marriage is dead. There is no intimacy, no sex, and no excitement. The love is gone. We’ve grown apart. I can’t stand the marriage. There was nothing happening in the marriage and the affair just happened.”
These statements are rationalizations and fail to “get at” the underlying issues.
Key points:
1. It’s as if a marriage is an animal gone bad. A marriage does not have a life of it’s own. In reality, there is no such thing as a “marriage.” One is “married” as a result of making some promises and signing a paper at one point. After the paper is signed, two people continue communicating and acting toward one another in particular ways that they hope will help them get what they individually want. Just as there is no “marriage,” there is no such thing as a “relationship.” There are, however, ways of relating for which each person is responsible. Remember the comedian Flip Wilson (that dates me) and his “The devil made me do it” skit?
2. We idealize “marriage” or “romantic relationships” with the expectation we will get what we want, without much effort to boot. The movies, popular public press and romance novels/stories don’t help much here. A “marriage” is behind the eight ball from the word go. “IT” can’t win.
3. From day one most of us don’t have a clue about how to get, build, nurture and maintain healthy and intimate ways of relating. We need ‘love 101’ and it’s not there. We rely upon experimentation or bad models.
4. If the “marriage” is dead, why in the world would one choose to have an affair? Talk about jumping from the frying pan into the fire. It really is stupid. You add a whole layer of deceit and shame that eventually will result in consequences more dire than approaching your spouse and saying, “I’m really unhappy. What I’m doing with you obviously is not working. I want out.” Oh well, maybe some people need more problems and suffering.
5. If the “marriage” is bad, obviously, I don’t have to look at me. I can blame “it” or the other. Some of us find it difficult to look at me. Some of us don’t know how to look at me. Some of us never think of looking at me.
Tip: If your partner/spouse is having and affair and blames it on the “marriage,” don’t buy into it. The “marriage” is not the problem. You are not the problem. Your spouse/partner chose the affair out of ignorance, fear or inadequacy.
The “My Marriage Made Me Do It” is just one of 7 affairs outlined in my E-book, “Break Free From the Affair.” For more information on the issues behind the other kinds of affairs and tips for dealing with them, visit my site.

Soulmate Connection

2008-08-07T00:22:00.001-07:00

by: Robert Johannsen
We know there are magical signs once we meet our soulmates face to face. Expect it to be not ordinary. Imagine a fairy-tale coming alive. Most certainly, there would be sparks flying, butterflies in the stomach, stuttered sentences, ease of communication, physical attractions, love-at-first-sights, answered prayers, love remembered from dreams; in other words, a soulmate connection. At first, the connection may be quite dream-like and a little too overwhelming until it turns into a vague familiarity. It may also be intense there may be no words to describe it perfectly. Details of soulmate connections can every so often overpower love itself. It’s spirit-lifting. It’s addictive. It’s without doubt a “connection” between two hearts. It’s beyond anything you have experienced. Meeting your soulmate at this time and age is a rare gift, one who’s interested needs to plumb the depths of all possibilities, if not, just wait for it to happen. But for some, waiting can be as dreadful as searching without finding the “right one”. So might as well go for it and enjoy every second of your “finding your soulmate expedition”. At least, you will not tell yourself you did not try. Romance novels and studies on “finding your soulmate” have it all- the unbelievable peaks and lows people go through just to meet their soulmates. And their stories have all one thing to say- once they have met their soulmates, it was as if they have known and loved each other before. And they can’t wait to spend their lives with each other forever. With all these far-fetched concepts about soulmate connection, who then do you think wouldn’t do anything for love? If it’s that heavenly perfect, anyone will surely risk anything just to experience it. How about you? How far would you go for love? It’s every girl’s dream for sure – to meet her soulmate and experience a soulmate connection. Because if the feeling is euphoric, why not? If meeting your soulmate is all you think of and soulmate connection has captured your creative imagination and loving heart, it becomes hard-wired into your brain. It’s all you’re going to think of and focus on. The best thing about finding your soulmate is that you will love with a pure heart and with the cleanest intention to give your all to that one special person. Robert Johannsen MA is a psychology and freelance author living in British Columbia. Robert's articles on Psychology, Relationships and Popular Culture have been published in numerous magazines in Canada, the US and the UK. His popular Ebook, Proven Secrets for Attracting your Soulmate has helped people from all walks of life find that special someone since 2000.

Sensations Of A Kiss

2008-08-07T00:21:00.003-07:00

by: Marc Lindsay
Sensations of a KissDespite the relative tastelessness of kisses, they are usually referred to as sweet. Tasting of wine, strawberries and honey are some of the most common descriptions of lover’s kisses, although some poets are more creative. For example, The Song of Songs says, "Thy lips drip as the honeycomb, my spouse: Honey and milk are under thy tongue."The feeling of a kiss is also described in a multitude of ways, The pounding of the heart, quivering of the limbs, pain in the chest and quickening of the breath are some examples of this. The Persian poet Ha-fez, writes that he fears he will “char her delicate lips” when he writes of kissing his beloved.The Spirit Within a Kiss"At what else does that touching of lips aim but at a junction of souls?"Favorinus of ArlesThe Babylonian goddess of love, Ishtar, was said to hold life in her mouth, offering spiritual delight to those who worshipped her. “That rarest gift, the honeyed kiss of love/ On earth, is sweeter bliss than gods enjoy,” she tells one of her followers.Another example of the use of kisses as an exchange of life force or spirit is in the Egyptian legend of Osiris and Isis. When Osiris’ jealous brother, Set, threw him into the Nile, his wife Isis searched for his body in the river and breathed life into him through a kiss.The Renaissance saw a rapid rise in the view of kissing as an exchange of souls, and as an offering of the self to the other person. Allusions to kissing in poetry included an eternal kiss, a swoon that carried the couple almost to death, and most importantly, the diffusion of one soul into the body of the other. Perhaps one of the most potent notions of kissing revolves around the belief in its life force and vitality. The Romans particularly believed that kissing a dying lover would keep the spirit in the body longer. Ovid, particularly, mourns that his wife will not be able to extend his life with her love because of his exile. Kisses could even follow the dead into the Underworld as a comfort to the shades of the dead.

How to keep the passion aflame

2008-08-07T00:21:00.001-07:00

by: Jake Markus
The honeymoon is over. Maybe you’ve been together a few months, a few years, or even a lot of years. At some point, though, the early flames of passion will fade and you’ll start looking for ways to reignite them.You’re in luck, then, because that’s exactly what this article is about!1. Have Fun Together Remember the fun times you had when you first started dating? You laughed, you played, and you spent time enjoying each other’s company. There’s no reason for the fun to stop just because you’ve been together for a while. Think about some of these options:- Collect cartoons or jokes that your spouse will enjoy - Play a game together, like checkers or backgammon - Do something unexpected to surprise your spouse - Do a puzzle together - Make popcorn and watch a favorite movie 2. Be Romantic What did you used to do when the two of you were romancing each other? Jump start the romance by going back to some of those previous activities that generated warm feelings. Maybe you used to:- Eat dinner by candlelight - Hide a love note in your spouse’s lunch - Build a fire and relax in front of it - Take walk in the moonlight 3. Go Back To Dating One way to jump start your relationship is to “date” each other again. Add to the fun by calling to ask each other out, and the one doing the asking then plans the date. To make it more challenging, set a budget limit for the date. You’d be amazed at how much fun it is to be creative and plan a date for $30 or less.Once you’re on the date, treat each other as you did when you were first getting acquainted. Men, open the car door for your lady. Women, put on a special dress and flirt with your gentleman.4. Do The Little Things The day to day grind of life can really wear you down, and at those times paying attention to the little things gets harder. It’s more important then ever, though, that you make the extra effort to do the little things that your spouse will really appreciate. You could:- Make a point to give your spouse a hug and a kiss each morning before you leave and each evening when you get home - Remember to say please and thank you - Pick the chore your spouse dislikes the most, and do it for him or her without being asked - Say “I love you” often, not just when you think it’s expected 5. Be Physical We’re not just talking about sex. Being physical means touching her arm, holding his hand, offering a gentle caress or neck rub after a tough day. And when the two of you do move towards having sex, don’t just turn out the lights and get on with it every time. Seduce each other a bit, light some candles and take a bubble bath together. As pleasurable as sex is, doing the same thing the same way every time gets boring so spice things up a bit and you’ll be amazed at what will happen.

In the Cause of Love: A Romantic Drags Love

2008-08-07T00:20:00.002-07:00

by: larry jaffe
In the cause of love, we do many foolish things. We go out on limbs not built for climbing in order to be gallant and free. We rise up to challenges and escape seemingly hum drum lives casting our hearts into the unknown. We start wars. We end wars.This is love, we say, never knowing where we will be struck next. And some are touched for entire lifetimes. And some are struck repeatedly in an agony of relationships that start well and end, just as well. We fall in love all too readily.We know all the clichés of soul mates, life mates, true love, perfect love, etc. etc. We find them heartwarming and grand, romantic even. But when we fall out of love, we fall hard for it is much more difficult to fall out of love than into it. There is nothing very romantic about a broken heart. We cavalierly declare that it obviously must not have been true love; otherwise, we would still be together. And we peer around corners hoping beyond hope that he or she awaits us.And some love with their bodies and some with their minds and some find even deeper solace loving to the depths of their souls.For some love like life is a journey. My parents have been married 58 years their offspring divorced at least once. Love is a certainty for my folks. They cannot and will not imagine one without the other. I have never thought that this was the love affair of the ages or one filled with passion and romance. There is a symbiosis between them, an odd dance non-stop for almost 6 decades. I wonder what keeps them going, that secret formula that keeps them together year after year.I admire them and often stand in awe. I often have enough trouble living with myself let alone another lately. But their marriage is not all hugs and kisses, lovey dovey type thing. In fact, I barely remember the last time I saw them in love’s clench. Actually, I remember quite well as it was their 50th Anniversary. My family is not the huggy type. However, it has improved with living. There is a magic something that links them together from morning to night. The romance is hidden but secreted in their hearts and undying vows.My romanticism leaps from speeding trains, screams from rooftops and dares to be overcome. I love being in love. Nevertheless, these extreme bursts of romantic fervor last years and not a lifetime as my folks have accomplished. It makes one wonder because it cuts to the core of a lifetime of passion. My parents are a miracle I think to myself. I admire their perseverance and patience. We speak the words of love. But do we understand the intricacies of what makes love work? Do we know how to love another being let alone ourselves? And which comes first loving ourselves (that whole me thing) or loving someone else? And can you truly love another if you are rather misanthropic about yourself?How much do you need to know about the soon to be significant other in order to fall in love? Jeez, I know many questions. Well you see I am taking this thing called love apart into all its facets so questions have to come up in order for the answers to be arrived at. I am using my parents as a model because they are still doing it after all these years and what makes them persist as they do?Love is a Kevlar vest for my heartI know about my loves and lacks thereof. I tend to dive right in without looking to see if there is water in the pool, without thought, fear or concern. Once in love I feel invulnerable like love is this Kevlar vest over my heart. With hindsight, I can see this is a rather one-sided view of things. A kind of ego ridden love that is so overwhelming that I would need a SuperMate not a SoulMate. Nevertheless, I love the sudden explosiveness in my universe that love brings, that impact of emotion and energy. I live for that passion. I would not wish to go through life without it! However, maybe this explosive passion flares so brightly and then seemingly burns itself out. Then again, perhaps not, mayhap that flame would be eternal. I have learned much from each of my loves. I have learned that boredom is the fiercest of diseases and punishments. Redefining loveAnd I have learned that love must be redefined to be successful. Old school concepts of one heart, one soul, and one love are out the door. The most important lesson being that true love is more the separateness of things than it is the mushing of things together (note: that is a technical definition). Love is the willingness and the desire for each to be whole, undivided and unique. Co-creation means one creates a team of love (as corny as that sounds). It is the granting of beingness of another and not the desire to be “one” is the complete acknowledgement of your love.Romantics will of course decry this and what I am about to say. They will feign broken heart malaise and woe is me and other assorted inanities. They will beat themselves with bungee cords or some such. But the fact is when you take into consideration the state of current romantics and climbing divorce rates, what the heck do they really know anyway?Again, I state most emphatically, it is not the togetherness of things, of two lovers glommed together with Madison Avenue wallpaper and notions of what love should be. No, it is not the togetherness but the unique separateness that counts and if that uniqueness is admired and given life, love blossoms forth.All too often, we hum these clichés until we run out of tune. Your LifeMate, your SoulMate, etc. is not half of you, they are entities unto themselves. We in a relationship are not halves of anything; we are whole entirely and uniquely whole. Team LoveThe ridiculousness of this popularized notion of this one beating heart concept is best illustrated when observing the rest of life; like say sports (am a guy ain’t I). Nowhere in the annals of sport does anyone say one player. Players with individual capabilities, characteristics, skills, etc all go into making a great team. The individual is not suppressed by his or her teammates; to the contrary, skills and abilities are enhanced. Some teams even take their comradery off the field and hang out together. Why should love sanely and logically be any different? How did we get the quaint notion that somehow we must divide ourselves down the middle and join the other person to make one whole person? When did we decide to be our soulmate instead of ourselves?Strength is determined and created by two beings creating together, not whittling down to one or even two with broken hearts. It is the uniqueness of the players that make a great team, not the identicalness of them. This is after all the game of love.There are those that may now shout that I am removing the romance from love with such analytical statements. And draining the tragedy from broken hearts is blasphemy and sacrilege. I gotta tell you, there is nothing at all romantic about abuse and divorce.Is it not time to put love on a new level with new ways to measure its impact and affection? We live in the 21st Century now and communication capabilities have truly sped up our lives that are just full of yesterdays and some tomorrows. We live with hindsight have little foresight and I would recommend midsight, i.e. looking at now and seeing what is without hindrance of past or future.Let us put love back on the pedestal where it belongs, something exalted and striven for not to be tossed into like a tsunami of emotion. Let us redefine love based on communication and understanding and not a dartboard. Admiration coupled with desire and passion would indeed mean true love for it could not be anything else. And you know he or she may just be around the corner.

How to Use Your Brain to Seduce Women

2008-08-07T00:20:00.001-07:00

by: Caterina Christakos
CHESS-MATEIf you're one of those guys telling to yourself that AntonioBanderas might be a little prettier then you but again your IQbeats that of Einstein by an inch, than the next lines were written for you. You have to know how to use your advantage against a two-digit IQ macho-man and this is no easy deal. Some studies even say that intelligence alone is actually not too sexy to most people. Therefore it would be wiser to use intelligent ways to seduce a woman then just act smart.There are more ways to do this, some better and some worse. For example, you can be immoral enough to use your wits just to have sex, by manipulating women. For this "hit-and-run" approach you'll need a little more than just your intelligence, you'll have to know how the human mind, women's in particular, work in order to outsmart them, control the game and win it using their own weapons. But before you get to keen on the idea just remember that there are other, more honest ways of winning a woman's admiration.All of our actions, interacting with the opposite sex included,involve a little risk taking. If you think you are the hit-and-runtype of guy maybe you should watch Cruel Intentions and destroy all the excitement that comes with the game. But if you're not then just "go with the flow" and see what happens. Gamble a little and let romance play its natural role in a relationship.If you take things even further into consideration you might end up concluding that every single word and gesture we do when we interact with another person has its risky part in it. Saying "HI" to a stranger on the street, asking someone on a date, asking for her phone number in the middle of the date or trying to get the first kiss at the end of the night... There are always two possibilities: the YES possibility and the NO possibility. Butwould it be so exciting if you wouldn't take all these risks?Compare this interaction with a snow boulder! With each risk youdecided to take the boulder gets bigger and heavier. And if allgoes well it will get big enough to become unstoppable. That'swhen you can say that you have a real relation.Playing the game smartly also includes playing it honestly. Thehit-and-run guys pose as the feminist sensitive men while usingtheir wits to control the game and reach their goals. But sincerityis about something else, it's about being yourself.More than that it is about being comfortable with who you areentirely. It's about doing what you want to do and not fear thatyou will lose something because of your actions. And mostimportantly it's about honestly not want something in particularfrom a woman because seducing a woman is not a goal in itself, isnot a hunting game, nor a chess game. It's just our way of findingthe other half.

Online Dating: 10 Critical Mistakes ALL People Make – Including You!

2008-08-07T00:19:00.002-07:00

by: Elena Solomon
Copyright (C) 2005 Elena SolomonOnline dating is fascinating.You can meet thousands of available singles that are literally just a click away, seeking love, romance, dating, marriage, friendship – and yes, of course sex. Men and women alike join dating services hoping to make new friends and start new relationships. But there are some common mistakes ALL people make when using Internet personals – including YOU!Here are ten common mistakes all people make when dating online. Check out if you are guilty of some of them.MISTAKE #1 - “Giving it a try”Most people start using online personals with the attitude “Let me give it a try and see where it goes”. They don’t really think they WILL meet someone – they only HOPE to meet someone. What is the difference? When you “hope” to succeed, you don’t try hard enough – if it works, great, if it does not work, fine, at least I’ve tried. When you think you “will” meet someone, and it does not work, you change something in your approach to online dating to get the results you want.BOTTOM LINE: Don’t “give it a try” – do your best.MISTAKE #2 - Hoping “the right person will find you”Most people don’t pay when post their profiles on online dating sites, which usually means they can receive letters but cannot answer ads of other members. They hope people will be writing to them. If you are an 18-year-old model-type girl, this may work for you. But if you are not, then you shouldn’t hope your dream partner would email you out of blue. You will get much better results if pay for premium membership to the dating site and write to people yourself. BOTTOM LINE: Contact other people; don’t wait for them to contact you.MISTAKE #3 - Sending one-linersIt’s amazing how many people using online personals send letters of the type “Hi, liked your profile, please see my profile”. If your photo does not impress the other person in an instant, most likely they will just delete your email. Some *might* actually read your profile – and if there is nothing in your profile that impresses them in an instant, then they will also just delete your email. BOTTOM LINE: Write letters that have some substance in them.MISTAKE #4 - Sending form lettersI always know when I receive a form letter - always! I am sure you know it too. If there are no personal references in the letter, I know this letter was not written specially for me. No one wants to be one of the crowd. Every person wants to be special!BOTTOM LINE: Write individual letters for each person you contact.MISTAKE #5 - Writing boring lettersMany people are guilty of this one. They write about things they want to say and not what the other person wants to hear.The result: letters that are plain BORING.Remember: it’s not about YOU – it’s about THEM! Tell them what you liked about their profile so much that you decided to write to them. Some things may be uncertain in their profiles – ask questions and guess the answers. For example, she ticked “Tell you later” in her profile about kids – if she did not have any kids, she would say so. Ask if she has kids and tell her you think she does and that you just love kiddies. A person who actually THINKS and what more – thinks ABOUT HER, it’s indeed something special, and your letter is sure to get noticed. Don’t talk much about yourself in your letter (she can always read your profile) - tell her why you think you will be the right guy for HER. If you do not fit her requirements 100%, tell her why it won’t be a problem. You pride yourself as having great sense of humor? Back up your claim – make her laugh! From the first line, your letter should grab her attention and she should not be able to stop reading till the end. THEN she will be certainly compelled to check your profile on the Internet personals website.BOTTOM LINE: Write interesting letters – the type of letters you would like to receive.MISTAKE #6 - Contacting dozens of members at onceOnce people pay for their premium membership to the online dating site, they tend to contact dozens of members at once. The reason for that is that they don’t hope to receive much response. STOP for a minute: what are you actually looking for? Most of us are interested to start a relationship with someone special. In fact, all you need is only one person – but the one who is RIGHT for you. Do you really want to correspond with 50 people at a time? Spend more time reading profiles on the site, and then select a precious few that you like the most and write to them. Make sure you get responses from your favorites before contacting other people.BOTTOM LINE: Don’t contact dozens of people at once – concentrate on the ones you like the most.MISTAKE #7 - Not following upLet’s face it: we live in a fast-paced world. We tell people “Let’s get together soon” and forget it in an instant. We send an email, never get a response and lose the contact forever. This is extremely important when using Internet personals: if you do not get a response, follow up. Send another email. Tell them you are waiting for an answer and you want to hear from them even if they are NOT interested. Having somebody who is really interested in you is not very common nowadays. This very fact may convince people to answer you. Check if they are premium members. If they are not, they might have to pay the membership fee before they are allowed to answer your email, and this is the reason why they did not respond. Check the rules of the website before assuming they are not interested.BOTTOM LINE: Follow up. Make sure there are no technical problems averting your contact.MISTAKE #8 - Not having a photo in your profileIf you don’t have a picture in your profile, you are missing out on people’s attention great deal. Many great singles, men and women alike, NEVER answer mails from members without photos – leave alone writing to them. If you are concerned about privacy, take a photo where you are in the distance and hardly recognizable, or put on sunglasses. Smiling broadly also changes your face. BOTTOM LINE: Put a photo in your profile. This is proven to increase your chances up to 10 times.MISTAKE #9 - Bad body language on the photosWhen people look at your photos, they try to figure out what kind of person you are. If you cross your arms of legs, or in any other way “cover” your body on the photos, placing a barrier between you and the viewer, you make them think you are timid, insecure and lack confidence. Use open body language - open palms, arms on the sides of your body – never “covering” it, smile and “look” the viewers in the eyes. BOTTOM LINE: Check your body language – people make their opinion about your personality by looking at your photos.MISTAKE #10 - Giving upYou’ve tried this and that and nothing worked, so you give up: “Internet dating just doesn’t work for me”. That’s the biggest mistake of all. What you should do is to use your negative experience and learn WHY it did not work. Look at profiles of other people that attracted you and compare it with your own profile. Try to change your wording. Get a new photo with a happy smile. Try to contact somebody you feel nothing about and see how it goes. Maybe you are just trying too hard? Treat your search for a partner as you would treat the search for a new job: if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. Make it your habit to check new listings every day and write to one person. See what works and use it again. Borrow ideas from other people. Just don’t give up!BOTTOM LINE: Online dating works. All you need to do is to gain experience. Practice makes perfect. Your special person is waiting for you!

Sex, Love and Poly-Behavioral Addiction

2008-08-07T00:19:00.001-07:00

by: James Slobodzien
Proposing a New Diagnosis and Theory for Patients with Multiple AddictionsBy James Slobodzien, Psy.D., CSACExperts in the field of addictions are presently purporting that between 3 and 6 percent of the world’s population (193 to 386 million people) are presently affected by a sexual dependency or compulsivity (Carnes, 2005). Sexual dependency is a diagnosable and treatable disease, which today is generally, regarded in about the same way that alcoholism and drug addiction (chemical dependency) was regarded 40 years ago. Even so, there still exists a wide range of understandable misunderstandings about compulsive sexual acting out, created out of ignorance about the nature of sexual addiction, and supported and perpetuated by the multibillion dollar pornography industry. Sexual Dependency - is a global term that covers a wide range of maladaptive and self-defeating behavior patterns and relationships such as: 1. Love Addiction – a disorder in which individuals repeatedly become involved in enmeshed, intense, codependent relationships, even when those relationships or partners are destructive;2. Romance Addiction - a disorder in which individuals become obsessed with the intrigue and the pursuit of romance and thrive on the thrill of the chase, but find it impossible to sustain a committed, intimate relationship with another person;3. Sexual Anorexia – a disorder in which individuals become dominated and obsessed with the emotional, physical, and mental task of avoiding sex; and4. Sex Addiction – a disorder in which individuals become obsessed with sexually-related, compulsive self-defeating maladaptive behavior.But can one really be addicted to love as the popular 80’s song proclaims? In a recent research study, (Aron, A. 2005) published in the June issue of the Journal of Neurophysiology, researchers used functional MRI to watch the real-time brain activity of 17 college students (10 women, seven men), all of whom were in the early weeks or months of new love. These researchers concluded that, love may vie for the same real estate in the brain as drug addiction. “Early love, rooted as it is in the caudate nucleus, is all about addiction.” "It is a drug addiction." "It's certainly got some of the main characteristics of drug addiction -- as with drugs, once you fall in love you need that person more and more, so much so that, after a while, you have to marry them. There are other things, too -- real dependence, personality changes, withdrawal symptoms." “And just like the need for cocaine or heroin, love can make people do crazy, sometimes dangerous things.” According to Aron (2005), the findings help explain instances where people fall in love with people they aren’t even sexually attracted to; or why others can feel equally strong, sudden emotion for a newborn child or even God.So does this mean that all people who are newly in love have an addiction? Are all men who look at pornography addicted? Are all women who read romance novels addicted? Are all people who avoid sex considered sexual anorexics? No, no, no, and no. Then how can we differentiate between addiction and healthy relationships? Like other forms of addictive diseases and lifestyle disorders such as chemical dependency, pathological gambling, eating disorders, and religious addiction - Sexual dependency is characterized by an addictive cycle of:1. Obsession or preoccupation; 2. Ritualization; 3. Compulsive behaviors; 4. Loss of control and despair; and5. Shame and guilt that perpetuates a maladaptive belief system of impaired thinking and unmanageability.Typically, sexual addictive patterns are considered pathological problems when issues concerning sexual behaviors become the focus of life, causing feelings of shame, guilt, and embarrassment with related symptoms of depression and anxiety that cause significant maladaptive social and/ or occupational impairment in functioning. Addicts don’t use sex for affection or recreation, but for the management of anxiety and/ or emotional pain.We must consider that some people develop dependencies on certain life-functioning activities such as sex that can be just as life threatening as drug addiction and just as socially and psychologically damaging as alcoholism. Sexual addiction takes many forms with various levels of severity to include: 1. Controversial behaviors (obsessions with pornography, and sex with strangers to engaging in cyber-sex); 2. Unacceptable behaviors (exhibitionism, voyeurism, indecent phone calls); and3. Profound Sex offender behaviors (rape, incest, and child molestation). Though solitary forms of this addiction may not be overtly risky, they can be part of a pattern of distorted thinking and identity conflict that can escalate to involve harming the self and others. An example of a Sexual Disorder (NOS) or Not Otherwise Specified in the DSM-IV-TR, (2000) includes: distress about a pattern of repeated sexual relationships involving a succession of lovers who are experienced by an individual only as things to be used. (It should be noted that the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders has never used the word “addiction” to describe any of its disorders).The defining elements of this kind of addiction are its secrecy and escalating nature, often resulting in diminished judgment and self-control (Carnes, 1994). Brief History of Sex AddictionIn 1976, a suburban hospital administrator asked Dr. Patrick Carnes to start an experimental program for chemically dependent families. The theoretical constructs of the program originated in general systems theory, especially as it applied to families and the 12-steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. One of the many factors which stood out from a family perspective was that the addictive compulsivity had many forms other than alcohol and drug abuse including overeating, gambling, shoplifting, and sexuality. Members of groups like Overeaters Anonymous and Gamblers Anonymous had already pioneered in applying the 12-steps to other addictions so the Family Renewal Center extended its programming based on the 12-steps, to sexual addiction. In 1983, Dr. Patrick Carnes formally introduced the concept of sexual addiction to the world in a text entitled “Out of the Shadows.” Since then the field of sexual addiction and compulsive sexual behavior has developed dramatically. Terms such as addiction, compulsivity, hyper-sexuality, and “Don Juanism,” all have been used to describe what generically could be called "out of control sexual behavior." Regardless of its name, clinicians from all fields agree that a syndrome exists in which individuals have a sense that they have lost control over their sexual behavior. According to the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH), sexual addiction is a persistent and escalating pattern or patterns of sexual behaviors acted out despite increasingly negative consequences to self or others. The fundamental nature of all addiction is the addicts' experience of helplessness and powerlessness over an obsessive-compulsive behavior, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable. The addict may be out of control. They may experience extreme emotional pain and shame. They may repeatedly fail to control their behavior. They may suffer one or more of the following consequences of an unmanageable lifestyle: a deterioration of some or all supportive relationships; difficulties with work, financial troubles; and physical, mental, and/ or emotional exhaustion which sometimes leads to psychiatric problems and hospitalization. Addictions tend to arise from the same backgrounds: families with co-dependency including multiple addictions; lack of effective parenting; and other forms of physical, emotional and sexual trauma in childhood. The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH, 2005) report that the symptoms of sexual compulsivity often accompany other addictive behaviors:Alcohol and Drug Addiction – Alcohol and drugs alter libido, enhancing it early in drug addiction and inhibiting it later. There is a pattern in cocaine addiction of selling sexual favors for cocaine. As the cost of drug addiction increases, the drug addict usually can't afford the drug from ordinary job income, and must resort to (either/or) stealing, drug dealing or prostitution to support their habit. Alcohol and many drugs cause blackouts or amnesia during the drug using experience, and if sex is coupled with that drug using experience then the details of the sexual experience may not be remembered.Food Addiction - Sexual anorexia or pathological self-denial of healthy sex is a frequent accompaniment of overeating and anorexia nervosa.Pathological Gambling - The lifestyle of the gambler often includes hyper-sexuality, where both compulsions feed the false sense of self-esteem of the addict.Religious Addiction - Compulsive religiosity sometimes accompanies sexual addiction as the sex addict is seeking religion to lessen guilt and shame. The beginnings of compulsive religiosity may signal the onset of a period of sexual anorexia. Multiple AddictionsSince it is impossible to expect treatment for one addiction to be beneficial when other addictions co-exist, the initial therapeutic intervention for any addiction needs to include an assessment for other addictions. National surveys revealed that a very high correlation exists between sexual addiction and other substance abuse and behavioral addictions. Sexual addicts who have reported experiencing multiple addictions include sexual addiction and: § Chemical dependency (42%) § Eating disorder (38%) § Compulsive working (28%) § Compulsive spending (26%) § Compulsive gambling (5%) Poor PrognosisWe have come to realize today more than any other time in history that the treatment of lifestyle diseases and addictions are often a difficult and frustrating task for all concerned. Repeated failures abound with all of the addictions, even with utilizing the most effective treatment strategies. But why do 47% of patients treated in private addiction treatment programs (for example) relapse within the first year following treatment (Gorski, T., 2001)? Have addiction specialists become conditioned to accept failure as the norm? There are many reasons for this poor prognosis. Some would proclaim that addictions are psychosomatically- induced and maintained in a semi-balanced force field of driving and restraining multidimensional forces. Others would say that failures are due simply to a lack of self-motivation or will power. Most would agree that lifestyle behavioral addictions are serious health risks that deserve our attention, but could it possibly be that patients with multiple addictions are being under diagnosed (with a single dependence) simply due to a lack of diagnostic tools and resources that are incapable of resolving the complexity of assessing and treating a patient with multiple addictions?Diagnostic DelineationThus far, the DSM-IV-TR has not delineated a diagnosis for the complexity of multiple behavioral and substance addictions. It has reserved the Poly-substance Dependence diagnosis for a person who is repeatedly using at least three groups of substances during the same 12-month period, but the criteria for this diagnosis do not involve any behavioral addiction symptoms. In the Psychological Factors Affecting Medical Condition’s section (DSM-IV-TR, 2000); maladaptive health behaviors (e.g., unsafe sexual practices, excessive alcohol, drug use, and over eating, etc.) may be listed on Axis I, only if they are significantly affecting the course of treatment of a medical or mental condition. Since successful treatment outcomes are dependent on thorough assessments, accurate diagnoses, and comprehensive individualized treatment planning, it is no wonder that repeated rehabilitation failures and low success rates are the norm instead of the exception in the addictions field, when the latest DSM-IV-TR does not even include a diagnosis for multiple addictive behavioral disorders. Treatment clinics need to have a treatment planning system and referral network that is equipped to thoroughly assess multiple addictive and mental health disorders and related treatment needs and comprehensively provide education/ awareness, prevention strategy groups, and/ or specific addictions treatment services for individuals diagnosed with multiple addictions. Written treatment goals and objectives should be specified for each separate addiction and dimension of an individuals’ life, and the desired performance outcome or completion criteria should be specifically stated, behaviorally based (a visible activity), and measurable. New Proposed DiagnosisTo assist in resolving the limited DSM-IV-TRs’ diagnostic capability, a multidimensional diagnosis of “Poly-behavioral Addiction,” is proposed for more accurate diagnosis leading to more effective treatment planning. This diagnosis encompasses the broadest category of addictive disorders that would include an individual manifesting a combination of substance abuse addictions, and other obsessively-compulsive behavioral addictive behavioral patterns to pathological gambling, religion, and/ or sex / pornography, etc.). Behavioral addictions are just as damaging - psychologically and socially as alcohol and drug abuse. They are comparative to other life-style diseases such as diabetes, hypertension, and heart disease in their behavioral manifestations, their etiologies, and their resistance to treatments. They are progressive disorders that involve obsessive thinking and compulsive behaviors. They are also characterized by a preoccupation with a continuous or periodic loss of control, and continuous irrational behavior in spite of adverse consequences. Poly-behavioral addiction would be described as a state of periodic or chronic physical, mental, emotional, cultural, sexual and/ or spiritual/ religious intoxication. These various types of intoxication are produced by repeated obsessive thoughts and compulsive practices involved in pathological relationships to any mood-altering substance, person, organization, belief system, and/ or activity. The individual has an overpowering desire, need or compulsion with the presence of a tendency to intensify their adherence to these practices, and evidence of phenomena of tolerance, abstinence and withdrawal, in which there is always physical and/ or psychic dependence on the effects of this pathological relationship. In addition, there is a 12 - month period in which an individual is pathologically involved with three or more behavioral and/ or substance use addictions simultaneously, but the criteria are not met for dependence for any one addiction in particular (Slobodzien, J., 2005). In essence, Poly-behavioral addiction is the synergistically integrated chronic dependence on multiple physiologically addictive substances and behaviors (e.g., using/ abusing substances - nicotine, alcohol, & drugs, and/or acting impulsively or obsessively compulsive in regards to gambling, food binging, sex, and/ or religion, etc.) simultaneously.ConclusionConsidering the wide range of sexual behaviors in our world today, one should always take into account an individual’s ethnic, cultural, religious, and social background prior to making any clinical judgments, and it would be wise to not over-pathologize in this area of Sexual Dependency. However, since successful treatment outcomes are dependent on thorough assessments, accurate diagnoses, and comprehensive individualized treatment planning - poly-behavioral addiction needs to be identified to effectively treat the complexity of multiple behavioral and substance addictions.Since chronic lifestyle diseases and disorders such as diabetes, hypertension, alcoholism, drug and behavioral addictions cannot be cured, but only managed - how should we effectively manage poly-behavioral addiction? The Addiction Recovery Measurement System (ARMS) is proposed utilizing a multidimensional integrative assessment, treatment planning, treatment progress, and treatment outcome measurement tracking system that facilitates rapid and accurate recognition and evaluation of an individual’s comprehensive life-functioning progress dimensions. The ARMS hypothesis purports that there is a multidimensional synergistically negative resistance that individual’s develop to any one form of treatment to a single dimension of their lives, because the effects of an individual’s addiction have dynamically interacted multi-dimensionally. Having the primary focus on one dimension is insufficient. Traditionally, addiction treatment programs have failed to accommodate for the multidimensional synergistically negative effects of an individual having multiple addictions, (e.g. nicotine, alcohol, and obesity, etc.). Behavioral addictions interact negatively with each other and with strategies to improve overall functioning. They tend to encourage the use of tobacco, alcohol and other drugs, help increase violence, decrease functional capacity, and promote social isolation. Most treatment theories today involve assessing other dimensions to identify dual diagnosis or co-morbidity diagnoses, or to assess contributing factors that may play a role in the individual’s primary addiction. The ARMS’ theory proclaims that a multidimensional treatment plan must be devised addressing the possible multiple addictions identified for each one of an individual’s life dimensions in addition to developing specific goals and objectives for each dimension.Partnerships and coordination among service providers, government departments, and community organizations in providing addiction treatment programs are a necessity in addressing the multi-task solution to poly-behavioral addiction. I encourage you to support the addiction programs in America, and hope that the (ARMS) resources can assist you to personally fight the War on poly-behavioral addiction.

Being Dumped, just plain sucks!

2008-08-07T00:18:00.002-07:00

by: Dorothy Lafrinere
Today I received a question from a guy. Here is what he said:"Posted by Anonymous The last woman I was involved with was quite full of herself. So then why did she dump me?"And my answer to him was this... "Posted by Dorothy Hey there, sorry to hear about your being dumped. Not knowing either of you, it is really hard to answer that question. There are many reasons for people walking away from a relationship. It could have plain worn out. Also they could have found someone else. Either way, it sucks, and you have to deal with the pain, and learn to get on with your life. It is a challenge, but it does make you aware, of what being human is all about. There is a saying; "If it doesn`t kill you. it will only make you stronger." Also I am a firm believer in: " Things do happen for a reason." Hang in there, things will get better, if you let them. Take Care and thank you for sharing that with me." "Being Dumped" really is one of the worst experiences, short of death that we, as humans are faced with in our lives. They say that, death of a loved one is easier to learn to live with, than a break-up , "Being Dumped" or rejection.All of the above, tell us that we are unacceptable to someone. We immediatley turn it into ourselves and that's when the self-blame seed is sown. Through self-blame we begin to feel shame. Shame is so painful, that no one talks about it or even wants to think about it. Shame is the least identified emotion we as humans deal with, because we are ashamed of our shame. Shame, is yet another negative emotion, that captures and imprisons us in a pit of hell. It pulls us into a life of silence and inactivity, lying and hiding our true fears. When we are rejected in any situation, it is a true hit to our self-esteem. If we are weak in that area, then our fall is going to be very hard. If we are strong in that area, we will quickly become weak. I wrote this in a recent blog:"When we first fall in love; What is that saying, "Love is Blind"? Ha! Now that's funny, because it really is blind. We trust so instantly and genuinely that we potentially set ourselves up for the biggest fall in our lives. Why is that? Is it because we are so driven by nature to want to trust someone? Or is trusting someone just a happier, easier, way of life."So there it is, we as humans, live to love and want to be loved. We are blinded by the romance of the word ~ LOVE~. We are made happy by the word~LOVE~, but we are also hurt by the word ~LOVE~. So why do we continually set ourselves up? We are gambling, and we do not even know it. Or, is life simply just that, a gamble? The bottom line is, no one wants to get "DUMPED", because it is not in our nature to know how to accept it. How many of you have been, "DUMPED" and just knew that your life had ended? You just knew that you will never see anything the same again. Well, you were partly correct there. It is like any other change in our lives. Things will be different than we are use to. Your life has definitely not ended. Yes, your partnership has ended with a person, and maybe it was not expected, but nor are hurricanes or wars. We deal with it all, we have to. We chose to survive. Think of it as starting a new life. Newness is positive and healthy. Look at things differently, and embrace all that newness. Do not fear it. "BEING DUMPED", is just another chapter in your book of life. If you had no chapters, think how dull your book would be. Now, you can open your self to another chapter, and believe me, there are many. If you spend the rest of your life wondering all the "WHY`S", just think, you have wasted even more of your precious time on something that has chosen another road. As for the fact that a person is, full of themselves, that really has nothing to do with the "Why's" of "Being Dumped". Even the most confident people close doors on relationships. They in fact, have more courage to do so than a person of less confidence, or being less full of themselves, so to speak. Who Knows? All we know is that the decision has been made and you as a person, with intelligence, must turn the page. Getting stuck in that feeling just makes therapists rich. (wink) Life offers many, many humps and bumps. We trip and fall, over and over again. The trick is to get real good at picking yourself up and dusting off the old dirt. This is life. I told my daughter, when she was struck by her first cupids arrow, "If you are going to get emotionally involved, be prepared to get emotionally uninvolved." It's life! One very important thing we must remember; when we are at the bottom and we feel we are worthless and will never ever TRUST again, it's is a nothing more than a human emotion. We know it as doubt. We can over come doubt very easily. Look in the mirror, and tell yourself, that you are UNIQUE, and you are going to make happiness your goal. You must risk all the falls to reach that goal. Letting yourself believe that you are deserving of another relationship is truly a risk, again another gamble. But what is life without a little risk? We have the power to overcome our negative self. We just need to DO IT! "Self doubt is not an option!Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we often might gain by fearing attempt."Shakespear

Love Advice: Let Fate Decide?

2008-08-07T00:18:00.001-07:00

by: Rick Valens
One of the most commonly asked questions, What is Love? What is its exact definition? Well, there can never be a definite answer. Everyone got his or her own answer to it. To some it can be really simple while to others, it can get really complicated. But one definite thing that is for sure, everybody needs love. It is a basic human need; we are not born into this world to be alone. It has always been our natural instinct as human to reach out to people, to be with and accepted by others. Consciously or subconsciously, everyone is searching and waiting for that special someone to appear in his or her life.But where and when will this special someone appear? For all you may know, he or she could be just nearby or even just beside you. It all depends on fate a lot would say. Fate? Well fate is again, something that cannot be explained, something that is always so amazing. Think about it. Among the millions and millions of people who could be out there, why is it that you had somehow met your friends to later become the best of friends? Got retrenched, feeling so terrible and disappointed but to later find your love among your new colleagues in your new job? Life has just suddenly become so beautiful?Well, this is indeed a very true encounter of a friend of mine. Hmm… thinking about it, isn’t there also kind of a fate between you and me that you are actually reading this article right now? Everything is like all so miraculously arranged, having a reason behind every event that happened. Do you believe in fate? Personally I definitely do. But again, are we really going to be just sitting around doing nothing, waiting for fate to just come by? Well, I wouldn’t think so. If you are not going to help yourself, who is going to? Fate has always been around us. As long as we are in places where there are people, presence it may be. Many at times, it had actually been there but somehow we just didn’t realized and cherished it when it was there. Sad to know of it, isn’t it so? Well, sometimes we were just too obsessed with our works, dreams and nevertheless too high an expectation that we missed to see it, to cherish that someone who was all along just beside us. It is only too late to realize it now, an opportunity won’t drop by twice. Your happiness lies in your own hand, don’t live your life a regret. I am sure you wanna have a life that is so full of fond memories than with tons of regrets, don’t you? Think about it. Let us just open up ourselves shall we? Everyday is a beautiful day, stop burying yourself with that tons of endless work. Make time for yourself, reach out, make more friends, make new friends, widen up your social circle, live a balanced healthy social life. Make life enjoyable; you will see things in a more different way. You might be going, “Hmm… why is it that all this while, I have never noticed that she is actually such a pretty girl.” Well, in fact this is how true love comes about. It doesn’t always have to be a love at first sight, to be attracted to his or her physical look. Sometimes it is through an initial friendship, enjoying the companion of one another that along time, you discover the beauty of his or her inner human qualities, unknowingly falling in love with the person. Wouldn’t this be a more beautiful and meaningful love than to a love at first sight? Remember, love has always been a game ever awaiting your participation. Just as in life, it is a game of chance; if you never try you can never win. Well if you did not find your love today, be disappointed do not. It is just like missing the last boat leaving the dock. There will always be another one to pick you up the next morning? And always will there be. Now, another boat is getting ready to set off soon. To the land of great romance and opportunities it will sail. The question is, will you board it?

The Best Way to Pick Up a Girl

2008-08-07T00:17:00.004-07:00

by: Paul Kyriazi
The Best Way to Pick Up a GirlCopyright © 2005 Paul KyriaziHow to Live the James Bond Lifestylehttp://www.bondlife.com/You see her across the room. Ah, so attractive. But nobody to introduce her to you. "Ah, I'll do a James Bond on her," you think. Now what was Bond's first words to Pussy Galore? "I must be dreaming." No, that won't work. How about singing "Underneath the Mango Tree" to her as Bond did to Honey Rider in "Dr. No". Ah? No!Well, what's left? You'll just have to go up and talk to her, if it's a situation where you won't see her again. But it's always safe to assume that she has a boyfriend that can squeeze the stuffings out of a gold ball. That aside, take a chance and make polite conversation. What's the worst that can happen. She says, "I'm sorry, I'm not available." and you save the time and money of a date with her. Like George Burns says, "When a beautiful woman says "no" to me, it's a relief.If you know that you will see her again, like at your university, your job, or working at a restaurant, you can have another shot at her and use the shy man's approach to getting a date. "You farm boys don't make a pitch, you just shy your way into position," Ann Margaret says to Pat Boone in "State Fair".Okay, here it is. Instead of asking her to dinner or out on a date which has romance intended, get some tickets to a concert or event first, and then with tickets in hand say, "I just happened to have tickets to this event. If you'd like to go with me, I'd be happy to take you." This way the subject is the event. Talk about the person singing at the concert, instead of if the two of you could hit it off or not. She can easily say yes or no, or ask more questions about you or the time and place of the event. She doesn't have the pressure of turning you down, so she can just turn the event down and that will be that. And if by chance she can't make that date, but is interested in you, she can start talking about going out another time.I've strongly suggested this "ticket" technique to both men and women who are infatuated with someone at work, or at shop, or restaurant, and have no idea how to make an approach. If the person is available, they usually say yes to an invitation. After all, it's just going to an event. It's not really a date. I used this "ticket" technique in college to ask out a beautiful stranger. I was very shy, but was "in love" from a distance so I had to take some kind of scary attraction. Her name was Cindy and I often saw her in the student lounge surrounded by guys. It took weeks of watching her before I could catch her walking alone, and ask her if she'd like to go see the reserved seat Cinerama showing of "Grand Prix". She said, "Well, I don't know you, but if you come and talk to me sometimes and I get to know you, then maybe."So in the next days I made an attempts at getting in a few words with her as she talked with her friends. Then I found out she was taking the film appreciation class that I had taken a semester earlier. So I pushed the teacher to show my new 16mm action film in the class that she was in. He fiqured I had a secret motive because he said he'd show it in the morning class, but I said it had to be shown in the afternoon class (the one Cindy was in). Finally, he agreed. I not only directed the film, but had a part in it where I used my newly learned karate and hoped she would be impressed. The film went over great with the class cheering and applauding. As she was leaving the class I said to her, "Well, do you know me well enough now?" She said, "To go out with you? I replied, "Yes." She smiled and nodded her head yes.So don't "ask her out". Don't "take her to dinner". Get some tickets, and maybe she'll answer you like Cameron Diaz does in "Charlie's Angels". "Tickets? I love tickets!"

How to be Successful in Life, Dating, and Business

2008-08-07T00:17:00.003-07:00

by: Yair Czitrom
A big question. I am sure that everybody on this planet would like to know the answer to that.A few years ago, I worked for a British time share company. I am sure that right now there are many people twisting their faces: “time share? Oh. No! “. I agree – But this is not the point of this article.While I was working there, I took some intern course in body language and “The art of sales”. Since then EVERYTHING i want to “sale”, I manage to. By saying everything, i mean business, things that I want from my wife, from my kids, from my friends and family and so on.How do I do that, you ask? Well, here it is. You can try to use this method in every field, and I promise you it will work:As an example, I will use my first date with my wife which eventually leaded to our marriage.Picture this – My first date with her, nice restaurant, candle lights, wine and music (you do need to set the scene first).She came; we said hello to each other, ordered some wine and then the “sale” started.
KISS – Which means: Keep It Simple & Stupid. This is a very important point in the whole conversation. The more info you give freely, them more they need to think about. You should give info about your self, but try to think about what you say as you can talk too much and give some info that should not be given…at least not right now.
WH questions – As the conversation roles, try to ask as many WH question as you can: why, where, how, what…You need to gather as much info about them as you can to understand who is sitting right now and talking to you, what is his/her type, what does she/he likes…Why is that so important? As I asked my future wife on that first date all the WH question, I found at that she is a “homey” type, love romance, love to coddle…If I would right away start talking about me and my “wild” life, I would probably missed her interest in me. I do not say you need to be someone else just to get their attention, but trying to “win” this meeting.
Tea or Coffee – Now you have gathered all the info you need, and it is time to start closing this deal. You are not about to close it now, but we need to get closer to the goal of our “sale”. Tea or Coffee questions are BASED on the info you got earlier and now you try to focus on the points. For example: “so what you are trying to say is that you rather be at home then go out to wild parties?” or “so… what do you prefer, Madonna or Jimmy Hendricks?” With this type of question you are now minimizing the info you got to more focused answers.
The Closing – You have now got the info, got the focused answers, it is time to “close” this “ Sale”. What you want to do is to get a yes or no answer (depends on you) from them. If you will get that answer – You have just reached you goal. Who do you do that? Very simple. Use ALL the info from the entire evening/meeting and concentrate on the particular questions you wan to get yes or no answers to. For example: “so what you are saying is that if I could make some nice dinner for you, just as you like, with candle and wine, could we meet again?” Of course, you are waiting for a “yes” here. It is EXTREMLY important to use finishing statements at the end of your questions, like: “so you do like coddling, don’t you?” Use you head to nod as you ask it..it gives a “mirror effect” on people and they can’t help not nodding back.
As I mentioned at the beginning, you can use this technique ANYWHER on EVERYBODY…trust me it works, but as everything in life, you need to practise and a lot.Hope you can and will use it in your life.

Amaze Your Lover - 16 Romantic Ideas To Keep Them Happy

2008-08-07T00:17:00.001-07:00

by: Jessica Kihara
Some people have a natural ability to romance the oppposite sex and others seem like they don't even know what it means. However, everyone should know how to make their partner's heart melt because it's one of the finest acts of seduction. For Your Wife/Girlfriend:1. Kidnap her for a surprise picnic. Plan your rendevous for the weekend or when you both have a free day. Make sure she doesn't have any plans. Then you tell her to come with you to the supermarket or something along those lines. Give her time to get ready, get in the car, and pick up some take-out food. Then head to a nice empty beach or park and explain to her that you're having a romantic getaway!2. Write her a poem. If this is not your thing, there are lots of places to get some inspiration. Try a poetry book, romantic song, etc. Just don't repeat anything word for word because it may sound familiar to her and she'll know you faked it. 3. Cook her a delicious meal, light some candles, dim the lights and CLEAN the house! When she gets home, she'll be speechless. 4. Hold her hand everytime you go out. If this isn't possible (because one of you is carrying a baby or pushing a shopping cart) then make sure to maintain some form of physical contact. This will make her feel like you're proud to be with her and can't keep your hands off her!5. Give her a spa like treat. Fill your tub with warm water then add some milk and honey. Invite her in, give a a nice scrub down, then sit behind her and give her a firm yet gentle scalp massage. 6. Plan a photography session. Let your wife or girlfriend get all dolled up for you, then take pictures of her that you'll keep in your wallet, office, or car. Tell her that she's beautiful and that she takes amazing pictures. 7. Get up a few minutes before her one day and write a simple "I Love You" on a post-it. Stick the post-it on the bathroom mirror or someplace she'll be sure to see it. This is guaranteed to make her feel special and lovey-dovey! If you wan't to expand on this idea, you can leave sweet little notes for her in so many other places too!8. If you're an artist, take inspiration from Titanic and draw, paint, or sculpt your lover. You'll get the best resluts if your masterpiece actually looks good but if not, tell her you could never create something as beautiful as her. For Your Husband/Boyfriend: 1. After a hard day at work, give your man an exquisite back massage. Use some aromatheraoy massage oil to relax and soothe him. 2. Wear lingerie. This might not seem like the most romantic thing to do, but he will absolutely love it. He will definitely appreciate the effort you made and it'll seem super-romantic to him!3. If your lover shaves his face, you do it for him. Play some romantic music, lather him up, and use slow, gentle strokes to shave him. DO NOT cut or nick him! Just take your time and he'll feel satisfied and taken care of. 4. Take some time out to just look into each other's eyes. Appreciate his presence, his scent, and his warmth. If you feel like kissing him, go for it!5. Pretend to need him. Men like to be the ones to protect you, so tell him you get scared when he's not around or that you feel safe with him there.6. Cuddle him unexpectedly. Warning - do this when you two are completely alone so that he won't feel uncomfortable or embarassed. To keep him happy, stop before he feels crowded. I suggest you hold him for about 5-6 minutes, then give him some space.7. Buy him tickets to a football or basketball game that you know he wants to see. To keep things romantic, go with him and cheer for his team!8. Cook him a huge feast, let him stuff himself, then you load the dishes in the dish washer while he rests. When you're done, sit near him and stroke his arms while whispering sweet nothings in his ear. These are great tips that you can use anytime. Good for special occassions such as anniversaries or when you just want your partner to feel extra special. Don't ever let your significant other forget how much you care. Keep them feeling warm and fuzzy and they'll treat you so much better!

Internet Dating Over 50: I Want Companionship

2008-08-07T00:16:00.002-07:00

by: Susan Dunn
“Internet Dating over 50: I Want Companionship,”by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ CoachTrying to figure out what the other person islike, how you’ll get along, what the potential is,what the other is after, and what they mean bywhat they say are just a few of the challenges indating at midlife. In some ways it’s easier onthe Internet, and it’s fast becoming the preferredmethod of many midlifers.One thing we certainly look for is someone who iscompatible enough. Personally, I prefer the word “complimentary,” as I relish those dynamic differences that enrich a relationship, and it gives a nod to the dictum that opposites do attract. A psychologist once told me, as we observed an unlikely pair we both knew who had decided to marry, that “men marry their conflicts.” What then is the woman doing? There’s a ying and a yang to it all, yes?“Compatible” is used a lot, however, so let’sconsider – in what ways do you need to becompatible? Shared values are crucial, andcertain goals, such as what sort of financialsituation you want. How into traditional rolesyou are, and how family-oriented you are. Forsome, sharing the same religion. Certainly acouple should have the same general idea aboutwhat a marriage is for, should provide, and canaccomplish. These can be conversed about, but toassess the all-important “chemistry,” you mustmeet in person. Do it as soon as you know it’ssafe, I say. You’ll save yourself a lot of time“I was totally in love with him in writing,”Marsha told me. “We both thought we’d met theperson we’d been waiting for for 30 years. Whenwe met at the airport, we both knew there was noway. In person it was too compatible, likebrother and sister. It’s ironic. Our 3-monthonline romance remains one of the highlights of mylife.”Another thing most of us want it “companionship.”(For complete coverage of this topic, see my“Midlife Dating Survival Manual for Women”.) Iwant to caution you that it can mean just aboutanything.It can mean, when a man says he “wantscompanionship,” that he’s no longer interested in,or capable of sex.Some people mean “recreational companionship”, andbeware. It can mean “recreational appendage.”I’m thinking of one man I dated who was retired,and it turned out he wanted me to play tennis withhim every morning, golf every afternoon, then takewalks or go dancing every night, and go hiking onthe weekends. A meal might be thrown in whennecessary, for fuel, and talking, too, as long asit was factual and related to the task at hand.Oh, and the second morning of tennis (and last),he arrived with a bucket of balls and told me to“stand over there”, as he was going to teach mehow to serve.The Italians say, “The first woman a man marriesis his wife. The second is for companionship.The third is nonsense.”I want a full relationship, not just a sportsbuddy, and whether I’m the man’s first or secondwife, I want to be the last, and a wife, not anobject. Yes, I love sports, but I love manythings, and most of all, I want to love a MAN.That means I want emotional and intellectualcompanionship, as well as recreational. If theperson’s completely polarized and just after awarm body for one specific thing, and you want afull relationship, better to find our soonerrather than later. I’ve been thrilled when I’vefound “the perfect tennis partner,” but I wouldn’tmarry for that, would you? He or she might.Beware.Now let’s look at what people have said in actualonline profiles. Ladies first:I enjoy having a nice companion to share goodtimes with. The person I would like to be withwill have a great sense of humor and the abilityto converse on many subjects.To be able to discuss something in a loving andunderstanding manner is a cornerstone of a goodrelationship!Sharing events and activities with a specialperson is very important to a happy life. I enjoydoing a multitude of things and over the yearshave been active in community events as bothorganizer and volunteer.Now from the men:I want to enjoy life with someone special andshare things they like to do and things I like todo.Dancing is important to me, but it’s not that youhave to be a pro. Indeed, if you do not dance atall that is probably best. Raw material! I alsolove to read, go to films, plays, and rarely stayhome. So I suppose someone who enjoys that kind ofactivity.No couch potatoes please. Someone who likes whatI like – biking, hiking, working out, and boating.The dance partner guy wants a dance partner, not a relationship; “raw material,” as he calls it. Reading, plays, and films aren’t shared activities. The home he rarely stays in sounds more like a base of operations. Of course I’m guessing. The thing is, read your own profile through the eyes of someone else, or work with a coach so that you say what you mean.The woman who asks for “a nice companion to sharegood times with”? Whenever I read or hear this,or it’s cousin, “I just want to have fun,” I knowthey aren’t talking about marriage. I’d love toshare fun and good times with someone, but I’dalso like them to stick around if and when itisn’t such fun. I want someone who will walkthrough the fire with me.That doesn’t mean, as one man interpreted it, walkthrough the fire FOR me. I’m not looking forsomeone who will fight all my battles for me(though some would be nice). I’m looking for aman who doesn’t disappear when one of thegrandchildren has a stroke, or shut down after afight, or refuse to deal with it when one of thekids is in rehab, or disconnect when he gets laidoff. Walking THROUGH fire means staying present –physically, and connected – emotionally, whenthings get rough. When things are going well,it’s easy. The test of a person’s character andcommitment is what happens when it’s not fun.The no-couch-potatoes guy? He’ll likely drag youhappily around sports courts, but if you want todo something active that he doesn’t like, likeshopping, I bet he’ll redefine “active.” But youknow that because he ingenuously tells you hemeans things HE likes to do.The woman who wants to share activities and thenmentions her community involvement? I’ve seenpeople marry because they were united around acause, but generally the cause dies, and thereneeds to be a lot else there. Check it out.“We hit it off because we were both animalactivists,” Cheryl said. “The problem was, I gottired of it after a while, and it turned out itwas his entire life. If he’d treated me the wayhe treated out dog, we’d still be together.”Most people really do reveal a lot in theirprofiles, if you’re willing to take off theblinders and see it. At the same time, you needto create your own profile in a way that doesn’tmislead others.Kudos to those who say, “I doubt I’ll remarry,” or“I’m looking for someone to sail around the worldwith me for 3 months,” or “I’m looking for thelast love of my life.” When you know what youwant, and speak it clearly, you’re more likely toget it.Keep your eyes open, love like you’ve never beenhurt, and know that if it’s possible in theuniverse, it’s possible for you.Good luck!

Sign of Affair: I Fell Out of Love...and just love being in love

2008-08-07T00:16:00.001-07:00

by: Dr. Robert Huizenga
If there is one front-and-forward excuse for infidelity it is: " I fell out of love."This usually means: I no longer feel sexually attracted to you (I'm sexually attracted to someone else, for now, at least.) Or, I need to spice my life with giddy emotional highs and intrigue every so often. Infidelity has different faces...and different signs and patterns. Did you know there are 7 different kinds of affairs? Well, there may be more, but after a couple decades of clinical work and research, I've identified 7. And, if you look carefully, you will find that each form of infidelity carries different signs and markers. Know those specific signs of infidelity and you can save yourself much grief.One kind of affair I write about in my E-book is called, "I Fell out of Love...and just love being in love."Here are some signs and patterns you can expect in this kind of affair:1. Hang on to your seat. This may be some ride, much like a thrill ride at an amusement park. There will likely be many ups and downs, spiced with dramatic flair. Watching your spouse go through his gyrations may leave you somewhat dizzy. He will give his all to this new-found "love" and at other times might find his way back to you. 2. Typically you will struggle with being ignored and feeling rather awful that you can't provide the "love" this other person seems to provide. You might find yourself questioning your capacity to "love" and your desirability. His affections will obviously be centered on that other person.3. He may want to tell you about this other person. Not only might he want you to know about the other person he may desire to share with you some of the details of this relationship. He might want you involved. This creates an intense triangle that juices the drama. (Most classical love stories are dramas, complete with a triangle; he "falls in love" with the forbidden or unattainable princess. Often the drama ends as a tragedy - Romeo and Juliet.)4. Expect some juvenile behavior such as love letters (e-mail), special names, special promises, secrets only for the two of them, etc. Some of these affair relationships are the result of unfinished business from adolescence. Perhaps he was responsible for family or beset by some trauma or internally or externally imposed injunctions that precluded him from dating, socializing with the opposite sex, and "falling in and out of love" a number of times, which is so important and vital for adolescent development.5. You may hear the persistent phrase, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." He may truly "like you" and depend on your stability, goodness and understanding. The thought of losing that may keep him connected with you. His fear of losing that which is stable and enduring may conflict with his need to follow his feelings. As well, the possibility of loss may point to the internal emptiness that stirs up very uncomfortable feelings and thoughts. This is part of the roller coaster ride.6. He may feel very badly about his "inability" to love you and his "inability" not to love the other person. He may express great remorse for the dilemma. He may profess deep sadness for "hurting" you - but, as you know, he has no control. His feelings drive him. His "concern" for you indicates his superficial understanding of relationships. Or, his "concern" for you may be a manipulative attempt to find an easier exit from the marriage.7. Expect his feelings for the other person to fade. They will fade quickly if this is a pure "I've fallen out of love (and just love being in love)" affair. The "romance" of adolescent love affairs start quickly and end as abruptly. If, however, other issues come into play, such as, resentment and/or the inability to say no, you have a more complicated situation that takes longer to resolve.

Adultery as Sexual Addiction: Should You Stay Married?

2008-08-07T00:15:00.002-07:00

by: Dr. Robert Huizenga
I outline 7 kinds of affairs in my E-book, "Break Free From the Affair." One affair, "I Can't Say NO!" is characterized by addictive tendencies. Infidelity (as well as pornography, strip clubs, online chatting, compulsive masturbation, etc.) may be a part of the sexual addiction.
Often the spouse or partner of a sexually addicted person intuitively knows of the addiction and the struggle his/her partner has with the behavior.
The partner often "feels for" his/her partner and is in a great quandary about staying in the marriage or leaving the marriage.
If you are a person facing this dilemma or know of someone who is, here are some pointed questions to help move more quickly through the decision making process:
1. Do you really want to save the marriage or are you just plain worn out? Does it seem that it would be much easier to just put up and tolerate the crazy kind of behavior you bump into with him? Are you emotionally fried and think of confronting him with your feelings and thoughts of ending the marriage as jumping into more emotional turmoil?
2. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you think you should hang in there for religious, moral or other “should” reasons? Most spouses who partner with those who can’t say no are very conscientious people. Is that you? Do you want to do the right thing? Are you willing to continue feeling the humiliation and facing the dangers because you believe you should stay in the marriage? Do convictions rather than practical and personal concerns dictate your decisions?
3. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you believe you should stay to protect the children? Do you think you are the only spouse who can care for the children? (You may be.) Or maybe your spouse cares deeply for the children and is a good parent. (That may be also.) Do you think that ending the marriage would make life immeasurably worse for your children? Do you fear for their welfare if you confront his behavior?
4. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you see absolutely no way out and are resigned to this marriage? You may experience a powerful pervasive feeling of being stuck. You may believe that you have tried everything and that it is in the best interest of everyone to stay where you are. Couple your weariness with your sense of being stuck and you may tolerate a great deal of disappointment and pain for the sake of the marriage.
5. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you see yourself as incapable of getting out? Your self-esteem may be at rock bottom. You may think of yourself as incapable of starting over, incapable of starting a new relationship, incapable of making the transition to a new life and incapable of making decisions on your own. It is not unusual for the spouse of someone who can’t say no to lose her sense of dignity and self-respect as he attempts to control, intimidate and dictate.
6. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you need to protect him? Do you see beyond what is there to him basic emptiness and fear? It’s there and you know it? Perhaps you fear what might happen to him if you do indeed leave? Will he be able to cope? What destructive path might he take next? So you hang in there, aware of his underlying pain and hope some day it will be addressed.
7. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you live in the fear that if you talk about leaving you will face danger? Perhaps you might face violence? You might face the emotional game playing at a new level of intensity? Does it seem wiser to hold back, not confront, not move toward change for fear of what he might say or do? Do you sometimes feel frozen with fear?
8. Do you really want to save the marriage or have you given no thought to how you might start over? This is a little different than the fear of starting over. Perhaps your life has been so wrapped around his or the care of your children that you have given little, if any, thought to you. Have you thought of your desires, your skills, your dreams, your hopes and your future apart from him? Or, apart from your children?
Take some time to seriously and thoughtfully address these questions. Once you do, you may experience a new found freedom to act and move in new ways.

How to Overcome The Fear of Rejection

2008-08-07T00:15:00.001-07:00

by: Rick Valens
Feeling uncomfortable in the stomach, cold sweaty palm, trembling of legs, losing the ability to think correctly when approaching a girl? Hate yourself for not able to overcome this problem? Oh, please do not feel so. Believe me, you are not the only one facing this problem. In fact, this is a very common problem in man. Everyone is just like you, not willing to admit it openly, having the fear of being laughed and mocked by others. But there is absolutely nothing wrong for feeling so.Well approaching a girl, asking her out for a date isn’t really as scary as you thought. For all you may know, the girl is just as or even more nervous than you. Some guys are born with the natural flair with girls while some guys are just born shy. But that doesn’t mean that they can’t do as good. In fact, shy men are who most girls are looking for. It is really a pity that all the good men are hiding up leaving the girls with not much of a choice but to hang out with the jerks. So how can you overcome your fear? Well, this is something that I can’t help you. You simply just got to make that first step, that very first attempt. Still feeling too nervous? Ok, perhaps we should take things a little slower. There is actually no urgent need for you to just walk up to a girl and ask her out for a date. Too sudden? You might just scare her off. But please, don’t take for ages before someone else try to cut in the queue. I don’t suppose you memorized your whole school textbook before going for your exams? It’s the same thing, you don’t need to wait till you fully overcome your fear before you approach a girl.Well anyway, I should believe that the both of you are at least like normal friends? Classmates? Colleagues or? Whatever it is, grab any chance to get closer to her. Too shy to strike a conversation with her? Look her in the eyes, drop her a nice warm smile. Make her notice you, make her remember you, let her know that you exist! You be surprised, your eyes can actually work more wonders than to words at times. All these will eventually boost the chance of success when approaching her at a later date. She will naturally feel more comfortable with you than to be approached by a total stranger.Ok, now that you have done all of what you can do, no more excuses from you! Stop hiding up, it’s time to make your move. Now, I want you to follow very closely after me. Take a deep breathe, gather all your courage. She is sitting all alone on the bench under the tree. Slowly and steady, you walk towards her. Yes, step by step getting nearer and nearer. She turns and saw you approaching. Remember, she has seen you before, she knows who you are. Now look her in the eyes, smile at her. She greets you with her nice gentle smile. One final step, you stop in front of her. “Hi, what a coincides to see you here”, you say to her in a nice, friendly voice. “Busy with anything now? How about a little coffee together?” Smiling so sweetly at you she replies teasingly, “Your treat? Sure why not?”Hey you still with me? Ha sorry, was just trying to play a little game of hypnosis with you. Did I fare horribly? Well anyway, it would really be so lovely if things were as what I had described? Why not? Why couldn’t it be possible? You see, the problem with most people is that they always tend to create negative thoughts; creating an image of failure, an image of been rejected in their mind before things actually happen. Subconsciously, they have actually rejected themselves before anyone else could even reject them and yes, the likely chances is they will fail. Just like in soccer matches, when David Beckham scores from his spectacular free kick? If at the moment before he even lifts his feet, he was creating the image of ballooning away the ball over the goal post in his mind, you think he will score? So why not picture things the other way round, telling your mind; yourself that you are going to make it? It will definitely boosts your confidence and the chance of a success. Hope you are feeling more comfortable and less nervous now? But well, the chance of being rejected is nonetheless always still there. So what should happen if you really fail? You should learn to graciously accept the rejection. It is perfectly alright, my friend. At least you know you have tried? You finally pluck out that courage? There is nothing to feel ashamed of. Picture it this way; you are the one being approached instead. Approached by a girl that is not of your type. You would have rejected her as well, wouldn’t you? But would you make fun of her, laugh and mock at her? I should believe not? Instead, you would have felt happy and thankful to her; it is just a pity that she is not your type of girl? That is exactly how the girl whom rejected you would have felt too; it is just a pity that you are not her type of guy. Nobody would be laughing at you, probably they would be admiring you for your courage instead. Though you might be rejected but believe me, once there is a first time the rest will just come naturally. You might be sad and disappointed but once you get yourself back, you would have remembered that it wasn’t as scary what you had thought. You would have probably already overcome a great deal of your fear. It is just like the first time driving out on your own after getting your license. For some unlucky ones, meeting up with a little accident. But that doesn’t stop them from driving on? In fact, experiences were gained. So was confidence along the way, driving more smoothly, stepping even harder on the accelerator? Well, rejection is part and parcel of life. It is not only in love that you get rejected. In life, you are faced with more rejections. Rejections from your work? Your boss? Your business associates? Even your own family? But that won’t stop you from moving on in life? Last but not least, there is one thing you have to accept. The fact that, you are a man! It is afterall still the guy’s job to do the asking. You just gotta do it and I am sure you can do it yeah?

What Does the Way You Shop for Christmas Presents Say About You?

2008-08-07T00:14:00.000-07:00

by:
Copyright 2005 Michael HaylesWhat would you do in this situation?It’s approaching 1.50pm, you’ve been in a queue for the past twenty minutes, clutching that prized gift, which has been the devil’s own job to track down. If the two people still ahead of you each take no longer than a minute or so to get served, you may just squeak back into the office by the 2pm deadline - and, as you’re painfully aware, there’s an important meeting scheduled for 2.15.The first of the two customers ahead of you is an elderly lady who is having great difficulty remembering her pin number and having keyed in the wrong number three times has become very flustered and upset as she searches for some alternative way to pay.The store manager is called for on the internal phone and as the queue behind you starts to lengthen, you realise that getting back by the 2pm deadline is already beyond hope.Frantically, you start to calculate the maximum amount of time you dare hold out for, if you are to avoid being late for that vital meeting.You consider asking the assistant if she can put the gift by for you, but all her attention is focused on consoling the distraught woman, whose card has been refused. You even consider offering to pay for her goods yourself, but since you have just enough to cover your own purchase that wouldn’t work either.As the manager arrives and takes the old lady aside, the assistant turns her attention to the customer directly in front of you. You try to catch her eye, but she has already scanned the first of several items he has been patiently holding.A quick glance at the time tells you that unless you leave in the next few seconds, you won’t make the meeting.Now, what do you do?OK, I know this is an extreme example of the kind of horrors that can befall us, as we struggle through the annual ritual of Christmas shopping, but, as I’m sure many of you reading this know only too well, it is not that rare an occurrence.The fact is, few of us plan out the best way to tackle this seasonal assault course and it’s not until we find ourselves in the thick of it, that we realise how much easier a pre-prepared plan of action would make the task.We may have very ordered minds for work related matters, domestic essentials and important relationship issues, but somehow when it comes to Christmas shopping, reason flies out of the window and it all becomes one mad scramble to get everything done before time and everything else runs out.It’s as if there’s some unwritten law that says Christmas shopping is meant to be spontaneous and chaotic. If you enter into it by any other means, you are considered a killjoy with no festive spirit. But why?What is wrong with taking a sober, reasoned approach to this often highly expensive pursuit? There are plenty of people, who have given up buying Christmas presents altogether and when you look at the pandemonium that frequently takes root in our shopping centres at this time of year, who can blame them?Take a quick look at your emotional barometer the next time you’re out in the gift jungle and ask yourself it all this hassle is really worth it. Half the time, you end up getting the wrong thing, or duplicate something someone else has bought and what about the cost of it all?Are you someone who sets a strict budget for each person you are buying for, or do you go at it with such reckless abandon that you max out all your credit by Christmas Eve?If neither of these identifies you, where do you fit in to the Christmas shopping picture and is there anything you can do to improve the experience?One of the big secrets is shopping early enough to avoid all this. Buying gifts online can also work wonders provided you do it before all the high demand items get sold out. Either way, it isn’t going to do you much good if you’re reading this now while the rush is already in full swing.My solution is to find something that is generally available all year round, but still makes a great gift. Jewellery and watches are perfect for this as you can seek out what would suit the person you are buying for and then adjust your options to fit the price range you’re comfortable with. Avoid fads and the very latest styles, too many others will be after those.And once your shopping is complete, you at least have the satisfaction of knowing you have chosen something a bit special that is unlikely to be duplicated without putting your personal finances under too much pressure. And for that you are fully entitled to feel pleased with yourself.By the way, if you need any help selecting a watch, click the link below to get a handy free report on how best to choose the perfect watch for someone else (or yourself for than matter). It just might make your Christmas a whole lot happier.

Future Internet 3: People are leaving the rat race and its ignorant ways behind

2008-08-07T00:13:00.002-07:00

The strangest thing is happening out in that magical meeting place called the Web. People from all over the world are using Internet technology to connect with others who want to leave many aspects of modern social paradigms behind. Small communities and movements are being formed based around new ideas on how people want to live in the world. Concepts like 'well-being' as opposed to economic profit as the purpose for life are being shared amongst minds all across the globe. People are expressing their philosophies over the Net and the results are very inspiring. Many are realizing that they are not alone in wanting to change the world for the better.
Have you ever heard of ecovillages http://gen.ecovillage.org/? These are actual places where people of like mind are deciding to cohabitate in a sustainable way that leaves minimal impact or ecological footprint on the environment around them. It is almost like this modern technology is helping us return to a time where people lived at one with the Earth, while the village type of living must be a great conduit for traditional close human relationships among families. These villages are popping up all over the world; culture and nationality is irrelevant. This is a process of informed minds deciding to collaborate with others to experience a type of life defined on their own principles. Could the Internet itself have been the medium of information and communication that sent these souls on their quest for a new way of being?
Another new movement that I've come across is Slow Food: http://www.slowfood.com/ and with it, Slow Cities. This group of people started out as a reaction to the fast food industry that they believe goes against what eating should be about, as well as its effects upon the environment. Now whole cities are calling themselves 'Slow' and altering their practices of food production so that wild and farmed populations of animals and vegetation are treated with dignity and with sustainable biodiversity in mind to keep future human generations healthy. There are currently over 80,000 members in over 100 countries who believe that the eating process shouldn't be homogenized, taste is important, and keeping rare plants and flavors alive is necessary to keep the true 'spice of life'. I don't think any of us want to lose the enjoyment of a meal that tastes different from any other, where we sat for hours enjoying our friends' company, and where we know that the whole eating process didn't scar the world.
As I am currently based in Australia I have discovered a few other concepts that I'm sure are prevalent in your nation as well. Downshifting Downunder http://www.downshifting.net.au is a site dedicated to downshifting, or making the conscious decision to work less, get paid less, consume less, and have plenty more time for the things in life that are important, like spending time with those you love. We only have so much time here on our planet and I'd be quite unhappy on my deathbed to realize that I had spent nearly all of my magical human existence working for money, accumulating possessions, and damaging the Earth while never getting to know my family and community. Not getting to enjoy the natural beauty that our surroundings have to offer, or ever encompassing a complete feeling of relaxation would be a great shame. This group believes that 20% of all Australians have chosen to downshift with the motto that 'consumption is not the only way to happiness.'
This idea coincides with another site I read about in an Australian Conservation Foundation magazine called http://www.wellbeingmanifesto.net/. This is a manifesto that questions the focus of the Australian political system. It states that Aussies are three times wealthier than their parents and grandparents in the 1950's and yet we are not any happier. This small group believes that a change in focus from a purely profit-driven mentality to one that values social and individual well-being is the key to a better future. I've read about the country Bhutan which has the measurement GDH instead of GDP, Gross Domestic Happiness instead of Gross Domestic Product. Could we also need a shift from materialism to one of a simple emotional prerogative?
As this article was greatly influenced by words from the ACF, I feel I also must mention their website http://acfonline.org.au/ and the section you can click on called Green Home. This is an awesome eye opener for other average people like myself who would like to make a difference to how we are living in our present lifestyle. It has sections like Gardens, Shopping, Transport, Waste, Water, Energy, and Packaging, which show you how a small change in these areas of your life can have huge positive repercussions for the environment, as well as your wallet! I had to stick that fact in, as I do know how necessary every dollar can be in this consumer capitalist world we live in.
Did you know that by keeping your car's engine in tune you would reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 5-15%? You can also save 100kg (220 pounds) of pollution each year by keeping your tires at the maximum recommended pressure. You can reduce evaporation of water in your garden (44% of household water is used on the garden) by 70% when you use mulch (leaves, grass clippings etc). Having your appliances like TVs and computers on standby power uses 11% of all Australian residential electricity. What a waste! There are many more facts on their site that will inform you how to have less of a damaging effect on the world while you're here, check them out.
As you can see, there is a revolution going on around us as we speak. It is a quiet revolution of the collective consciousness of our species. New technology has meant that we are now becoming more informed (or rediscovering ancient wisdom) about our interrelation with the world. Instead of rats racing toward the cheese, we can become turtles enjoying the breeze.

Overcoming the Fears of Divorce

2008-08-07T00:13:00.001-07:00

by: Harlan Jacobsen
The new fears surfacing during and as a result of your divorce process become a heavy wave of fear and add much more despair to an already overloaded period in your life. Fear is a major factor in the stress and moving on from your divorce. Fear of the unknown. Probably more "unknowns" hanging over your head, than any other time in your life. What catastrophe happens to me next? You will need to learn how to handle these fears that seem to come along with the divorce process.. If you do not learn how to confront and control these fears of divorce, you risk losing your emotional and physical health and the joy of living. Fear has been with you forever, and has all along the way touched every aspect of your life. Here are some examples of fears to help jog your memory...failure, the future, financial insecurity, rejection, injury, success, height, water, fire, flying, germs, relationships or lack of, death, sex, or lack of, war, losing something, not getting something, getting caught for wrongdoings, crowds, public speaking, relapsing, being wrong, the opposite sex, the same sex, the unknown, health problems, any phobias , etc. This heightened state of fear during the divorce process, may derive from a self-centered fear that as a result of our divorce that we will lose something that we already have or not ever again be able to get something that we want or need. Get these fears out in the open by submitting them to paper and take a good look at them. Write down each fear that you have experienced as a result of and a part of the divorce process experience. Doing this exercise on paper is an important part of the step to move on that we are explaining here.To cheat and not do the "on paper" exercise is to cheat no one but yourself and your moving on to a new life.Use descriptive words to cover both the feelings and beliefs underlying your newly acquired divorce fears. You will then be able to talk more honestly and openly about your fears with someone who cares, whether it is a professional or a friend. Your divorce induced fears are one of the parts of your divorce that need to be and can be talked out. Writing it down and seeing them in black and white will help you focus your thoughts as you face your fears. Once you have your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs all written out in front of you, this will allow you to be more objective with what is going on with your fears. These fears restricting us from doing what should be done, or causing us to do what should be avoided, can set in motion chains of circumstances which can add significantly to divorce woes. These predictable fears can add additional misfortunes that we do not need or deserve. Is it possible that you have developed some of these new fears because you have relied on yourself and you now see yourself as having failed ? Is this apparent lack of power and feeling your life has gotten out of control, affect your circumstances and your present dilemma? In the divorce process, particularly if in a legal adversarial battle with two attorneys. life seems much of the time to have almost completely gotten out of your control. Fear of all the bad outcome possibilities and then not knowing what will happen next is bad enough. It is devastating to discover that it now appears, no matter what you do or how much effort you expend, you will have no control whatsoever of the out come. Financial insecurity, is perhaps the biggest fear and stress of divorce. Perhaps the money was not enough to go around when you were both supporting one household. Now, with divorce, that same income is now going to have to be stretched to support two households. Certainly someone's standard of living is going to have to be drastically lowered and likely both. How bad is it going to be, how can you survive? Are you going to lose your home? Fear piles in of what all you might lose. Next most common fear is rejection, I was rejected by my spouse who knew me better then anyone in the world. Result, now my fear is that no one will ever love me again.......... Afraid of never getting involved in a relationship again, or lack of ever having sex again, fear of not ever finding companionship again, fear of being wrong, fear of the opposite sex, fear of the unknown, what lies ahead. etc etc Fears not only cause stress, they can eat away at your body, mind and emotions. Your spirit gets lost in the waves of emotions: anger, frustration and the loss of all joy and hope. The new fears surfacing as your divorce progresses, bring on a new wave of despair.Fear of the unknown or what catastrophe happens next is the great problem with the divorce process. If is perfectly normal to be uncomfortable with anything new or unknown, and becomes a fear when the unknown can include losses. To overcome these fears, simply become informed and knowledgeable about all things in your divorce, that lie ahead. When you know all about it, it no longer is a fear. Read up on and become informed, on this web site and associated links.. We have spent years putting together what you need to know to survive divorce and to move on to a second chance to get on with a great new life. You need not be afraid of and/or powerless, when it comes to what you know how to handle. You have no experience and little or no knowledge about what you are going thru. It is natural to have fears about what you know nothing about. Others have gone thru it and left you the information you need to know, so go thru this process, totally informed and knowledgeable. If you remain ignorant about it and afraid, it is in a large part because you simply have not done your home work. It is very important to learn how to handle your fears, get them under your control, to get thru your divorce recovery process. The uncertainty of your new roles, all on your own, perhaps feeling for the first time in your life, not having someone around as a baby sitter.For the first time the almost complete isolation you face and the lack of the unknown, together all stress you out far more than when you had been going through your daily life before divorce. . With the onset of the split, often fears started to run wild. You will eventually come to realize you do not have control over events or other people. However, you do have total control over your response to events and to people.. This is where we begin to wage our battle with fear Yes, the only control you have is over yourself. Perhaps for the first time you are now totally in charge and control of your own life. You alone have all responsibility for you. That is indeed scary. Can you handle it? It is now your choice on how you will choose to live it. Choose now how you will obtain the necessary tools, knowledge and assistance to live your life with more happiness, more joy and more love then you have ever experienced before. You must do something about these needless fears immediately if you find yourself being overwhelmed and experiencing fear. Consider fear as the enemy. Visualize your mind as a house. When you leave the doors and windows open, these fears rush in and take over. Close your mental windows and doors and lock them out, and they will soon go away. Whatever you fear most has no power - it is your fear that has the power.Oprah Winfrey Here are some additional suggestions:Most of your fears are mere shadows. Do whatever you need to cover and do to take normal precautions from what you fear. in a relaxed and healthy manner.. Say to yourself, " My new life is not controlled by fear". Fear is like a bully that tries to intimidate you, the more it affects you, the more it comes on to you. When and if the bully finds out you lock it out and ignore it, the fear bully finding it has no power over you, soon leaves. Remind yourself of the following, several times throughout the day. and every time your fears rise to the top of consciousness. "My fears are mere shadows, and most of these fears I have imagined are not about to become my reality. The 5% that do are never as bad as I had envisioned them." Take time to see yourself living your life in complete control and more fully and happily then you ever have before. What you visualize all day long you will bring about. Where you put the power of your attention is what manifests it self so do not dwell on or allow your fears in, Stop bringing up and processing of your fears. as a result, soon, they fade away and are "out of here".

To Love or Not to Love?

2008-08-07T00:12:00.004-07:00

by: Rick Valens
Have you ever fallen in love with two different persons at the same time? Falling in love with two different persons whom both have the same feeling for you too? Well, there is actually nothing wrong with that. In fact I would say that it is something very normal, sometimes even falling for more than two persons for some. We are afterall human beings, creatures of great emotions. It is just natural for one to develop a liking for the opposite sex, especially when the both are getting along very well. Sometimes, it is just so hard for us to control our feeling and nevertheless, it has always been human nature to be greedy. It is always good to be able to have the best of both worlds isn’t it? But well, things are usually just not possible. At the end of the day, you just have to make your choice, to decide for yourself, your one and only love whom that person to be. To love or not to love, it is your choice. Think of it this way. In our path of life, we are always faced with choices. Choices that we have to make decisions over; decisions that will affect our life. At circumstances, even having to make immediate decision on the spot, decisions concerning of life and death. Sometimes we made the right decision and sometimes the wrong. But no matter what our decisions might have brought so far; we accepted them, didn’t we? That is life. There is not way the world is going to stop moving just for you. To turn left or to turn right, to move forward or to turn back, you just have to make up your mind. I should believe that you will not choose to be stuck at the cross junction for your whole life? Well, a game of chances and uncertainties life has nevertheless always been. If you never play you can never win. You have just got to make your choice, to decide where to place your bet. You can of course choose to give up, not to risk your bet. You always have your choice. Life is just so full of choices, remember? But well, will you later regret giving up that chance when you have it? The same goes for love. Between the both, you just got to decide whom you really like more. Well, having choices is always better than not having any at all, right? I should also believe that you are not going to give up that chance of even placing your bet? I know it is going to be hard but do just give yourself sometime. Follow where your heart goes. Between the both, there is definitely one whom you will actually like more. Ok, just picture this scenario; there are this two musical concert, both a once in a lifetime concert. Missing it, you will never get the chance to see it again. You have been dying to catch the shows all these while. However for such a coincidence, they are been held at the same timing on the same day. Again, I suppose you will not just give up the chance of catching both shows altogether? Between the two, you will definitely choose one right? Finally, to get to fully enjoy the show, which you had decided upon, you just got to forget about that disappointment from missing the other show. But well, more often than not, once you found yourself in the musical concert, chances are you will be totally captured by that spectacular ambience, enjoying yourself so much, totally forgotten about any disappointment that you earlier had. Now where we are discussing about love, it is just the same. Many at times, we just can’t bear to give up on what we already have, struggling so hard within ourselves. In the end, we might jollywell end up with nothing at all. In life, we gain some we lose some. It’s no use holding on so hard to something, which you know will not come out with anything. When you have to give up, you have to. When you have to choose, you just have to. Just like choosing between the two musical concerts, follow where your heart goes. Once you made up your mind, everything will just seem so much clearer. Slowly, your path of love will reveal its way for you. Will it lead to happiness for you? Well again, we wouldn’t know. But if we never try we will never know. At least, I should believe that you will be much happier than to be still stuck at the cross junction, lost for direction? Remember, the world is not going to stop turning just for you. So is with love. The two persons will not just keep waiting for you. Wishy-washy? You might just end up with nothing at all. Happiness won’t come passing by twice, cherish it when you have it.

Relationships: Giving to Get

2008-08-07T00:12:00.003-07:00

by: Margaret Paul
Relationships: Giving to Get By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Are you giving love to your partner for the joy of giving, or are you giving to get love? I received the following email on this topic, asking for my help: "Hi, my name is Adam. I am living with my parents and I'm thinking of moving out with my girlfriend Patty. But there are some things that make me feel upset, and I don't really know what to do. I love her but she doesn't seem to be the person she was. At times she feels bad and upset. These periods last for about 4 - 5 days. During these times she seems more distant and our sex life just stops. This makes me frustrated because for the past year I have been working so hard to try and make her feel better when she feels bad. I thought that it was working but now it seems nothing I do works. I miss the old times because she kissed me randomly all day and it made me feel so loved and wanted. She would hold me, and tell me great things. It was like a fantasy. Now, I'm lucky if she kisses me at least once in about 3 hours. I actually start all of the kissing. I start all of the holding. It feels like I have to start everything. Mainly at times it feels like she just wants me as a friend. She doesn't make me feel loved or wanted. My feelings about this come and go mainly around the times when she feels bad. But these feelings also come around sometimes when she is not feeling bad. I just don't have a clue what to do, and I need some help."Adam is giving to get. He wants control over getting Patty to validate his worth and fill him up. He is fine as long as Patty is having sex with him and kissing him a lot and making him feel "loved and wanted." But, because Adam is not doing anything to make himself feel loved and wanted, he is addicted to Patty doing this. He is not giving his love to Patty from a full place inside, a place inside filled with love. Instead, he is empty inside and hopes that if he "works hard" and is nice to Patty, he can have control over getting her to fill his empty hole. As a result, Patty feels pulled on to take responsibility for Adam's wellbeing, and becomes upset and distant in the face of the pull. She is getting turned off to Adam and just wants him as a friend because his neediness is not attractive to her. When sex is a way for Adam to get validated - rather than an expression of his love - Patty will feel used rather than loved. when they have sex. Nothing will change in this relationship until Adam decides to learn how to take responsibility for his own good feelings rather than expect Patty to do it for him. Patty wants him to come to her as a powerful and secure man, not as a needy little boy needing her constant kisses to feel okay about himself. Adam needs to take his eyes off how Patty is treating him and instead focus on how he is treating himself and Patty. He needs to open to learning about what he is telling himself and how he is treating himself that is causing his emptiness and neediness. He needs to stop being a victim of Patty's behavior and instead focus within on what he needs to do for himself, for the little boy within him that wants love and attention. He would have love to share with Patty if he were to focus on giving himself love and attention and on making himself happy, instead of trying to make Patty happy in the hopes that she will make him happy. As it is, he is just trying to get love - giving to get. Adam is coming from a very common false belief – that our best feelings come from being loved and desired. The truth is that our best feelings come from being loving to ourselves and to others. Adam won't know this until he decides to change his intention from trying to have control over getting love to learning about being loving.

So you are working for a difficult boss, huh?

2008-08-07T00:12:00.001-07:00

by: Mahalakshmi Prabhakaran
Well… A bad boss is a universal phenomenon. All of us at some point of time or other have faced the monster from hell that just loves twisting you round his tiny li’l finger and takes pleasure in trashing your hard day’s work right into the bin without any compunction! Phew... it’s a tough little world we all live in. Here are a few practical pointers that will help you not only in dealing with that tough taskmaster of a boss, but also maybe help you win him over! Don’t judge him/her in haste. Call it the human tendency to gripe, but experience shows that people crib about their bosses just two days into their job! So if you are just into your job and are having problems coping with the Big B for inexplicable reasons, take a breather. Instead of rushing into conclusions, take time off to understand your boss and his/her working style. Giving yourself some time gives you some breathing space to settle into your job, get accustomed to the work environment and hit off a working relationship with your colleagues and more importantly, your boss. According to experts, 3 months is a good enough time. In an ideal world, by the end of the period you will end up realizing that your boss is not a bad soul after all! Understand his/ her psyche. Yes. Apart from discharging your duties, being on a job also entails taking on the role of a psychologist. It pays to observe people, not the least your boss. Silently noticing your Boss and colleagues gives you a peek into their character. Pay more attention to your Boss’s conversations, his mannerisms, how he interacts with the rest of the team. Observing him will help you discover his likes and dislikes, pet interests and even weaknesses. If you are smart, you will know how to leverage this knowledge and develop good camaraderie between the two of you. You might gladly end up discovering that you share similar interests. So, the next time you feel like wringing your hair out in frustration, stop cribbing and starting observing! Speak Up. Ok so you have grinned and borne your boss. Observed him to get to know him, have tried every thing to get him to like you, yet he continues with his boorish behavior. Then it is time to have some frank speak with him/ her. Put your concerns out in the open. Tell them frankly what it is about their behavior that is discouraging you. If your boss is considerate, he might take efforts to change his behavior. But if he refuses to back off and regret his misgivings, go on and talk to the HR and other higher ups in your company to come out with a solution. According to industry experts, talking out sometimes helps clear the air and gives your boss an opportunity to correct himself. Standing up to him will show you in a new light, as someone who is confident and fearless. It may, with the right boss earn you some brownie points a la good commendation and better prospects for promotions. Vent your woes to willing ears! Can’t handle the stress anymore? Then go ahead and vent your woes about your unfortunate situation with your colleagues, friends, and family - well practically anyone who is willing to lend you a patient ear. As any amateur psychologist would say, bottling up your feelings will only end up stressing you out. While talking out will relieve you of tension and give you solace that you are not the only one afflicted with a bad sore-of a boss. Cautionary advice: Have these sessions outside office and very far from your boss!! Don’t over do it. You may end up driving people away with your whining. Nothing works? Get out! If you think you have given your best shot to live with that bully of a boss and he still ends up making your life a living hell? Then its time for you to pack your bags and scout for another job!

Cheating Husband or Wife: 6 Keys to Know if You are Ready to Handle What You Might Find When You Spy

2008-08-07T00:11:00.002-07:00

by: Dr. Robert Huizenga
When you spy on your suspected cheating spouse, please make sure you consider all the possibilities you might encounter and whether you can handle them.
Have you considered the many situations that spying might uncover? Can you imagine the worst thing you might find? Predict what your response will be to the worst-case scenario. Are you ready? Here are some specific questions to ask:
1) Do I have friends I can count on for support if I discover the worst? Do they know I might need them? Have I told them exactly how they might help me? Do I have the capacity to stand back from the deep emotions and not get mired or lost in destructive thoughts and feelings?
2) How have I handled emotional pain in the past? What if it gets almost unbearable? If I encounter the worst possible emotional hurt and pain, do I have a therapist I can contact immediately and see soon to help me through the rough spots?
3) You see the signs of a cheating spouse. What will be my strategy for what I find? Do I have a strategy for the different scenarios? Do I have a strategy to confront or not confront my spouse? How, when and under what circumstances will I confront him/her?
4) What kind of strategy will I have for self-care? What will I need to do to keep myself functioning somewhat effectively?
5) Do I have a coach or an objective someone who knows about cheating husbands and cheating wives and who can help me develop strategies and goals for confrontation and self-care? Someone to keep me focused and working on these strategies and goals?
6) Do I know what kind of affair I might face? Do I know the prognosis for that kind of affair? Have I educated myself about affairs and what I must do to effectively resolve and move through this crisis?

The Three Needs That People Have In A Conflict

2008-08-07T00:11:00.001-07:00

by: Tristan Loo
There are many human needs that people have, but in the context of an interpersonal conflict setting, three obvious ones come to mind. As simple as they are, these three needs are often the cause of unnecessary conflict or the escalation of a small dispute because one of the two parties does not realize that they are not meeting the others needs.To Be Heard & Acknowledged Without EvaluationDuring interpersonal communication, the other person has a need for you to listen to their ideas and to acknowledge them. The need to be heard also goes with the need to express one’s inner feelings without the fear of evaluation, judgment, or reprisal for making it known.To Have Options & To Practice IndependenceAutonomy is a basic human need. We hate to be forced to do anything without a say or choice in the matter and many of us will resist or defy just based on not having a say in the matter. Parents are the best experts on this need. When we tell our child to go to bed or to brush their teeth, or to eat their vegetables, or take their medicine, what is the one is the #1 response? “No” It’s not so much that they don’t disagree with the decision, but merely that they want to exert their own independence and free-will into the process. As adults, we are no different, we’ve just found more creative ways to articulate “No.”To Have Answers, Explanations, & ReasonsRealize that everyone has a curious nature. It is programmed in us. Once our interest is sparked by something, we usually can’t leave it alone until we get a satisfactory answer on it. Therefore if we shut someone down with a position that offers no explanation or reason, then this will create resistance and resentment. Bureaucrats and authority figures often get into the bad habit of telling people that nothing can be done because “its policy” or “its the law.” This shuts them down without offering an explanation to them that satisfies their need. Their only recourse then is to take it out onto the person by making them the villain.

How to Talk to a Woman

2008-08-07T00:10:00.002-07:00

by: Caterina Christakos
Taking a girl out on a date already says a lot. But this whole business is not just about seducing someone. You must gain the confidence and trust of the person sitting at the other end of the table. More than that, you must make her feel good in your presence and even want more. How to do this? Simple! When you're not flirting with her just let her take control for a while.Always keep in mind that women's favorite subject is themselves. This little "bug" in their software gives men a big advantage in a conversation and that is curiosity. Yet, only few use it because of the misconceptions surrounding curiosity in general. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but when a conversation between a man and a woman is concerned, I don't think it ever hurt anyone. What I'm trying to say is that if she says something that makes you curious... just ask her! This will tell her that you are interested in her person. Nevertheless, watch out for those not so discreet questions that could turn you into a cat and get you killed.Another thing most men forget is that women, even the prettiest, disregard themselves. If you discovered something about her that you really like make sure she can feel your admiration. This rule applies to anything from the color of her eyes to the way she back-parked her car for example. Still, try to use original ways to make compliments and remember that you'll receive the most "points" for cherishing her intelligence.Always listen to her when she talks! Sounds too obvious? Maybe, but the key thing is that it counts less if you've been really listening to her as long as she thinks you weren't. Therefore you can use several tricks like saying confirmation phrases ("I see", "yes" etc.) showing that you're following her. Just don’t do it so much that she mistakes you for her shrink. Re-telling what she just said is another useful skill as long as you don't abuse it. You simply rephrase what she said and she'll know you got the point. Nevertheless it can be very annoying if you overuse it.And, as I mentioned earlier, when she makes you curious about something just ask her! This proves you were listening in the first place. The same happens when you make a compliment based on something she just said.But curiosity can also be used whenever you run out of topics in a conversation. Every woman is curious by nature so all you have to do is to stir her curiosity and forget all about you running out of interesting subjects or her getting bored.

The 10 Warning Signs of Suicide

2008-08-07T00:10:00.001-07:00

by: Anne Wolski
Copyright 2005 Anne WolskiIn a time when suicide has become a culture in society, it is important to be able to recognise the warning signs. Suicide is one of the leading causes of death in people aged 15 – 24 with young males four times more likely to succeed due to the lethal ways in which they choose to kill themselves.1. Previous suicide attempts:Previous suicide attempts are the biggest risk factor of a person successfully completing suicide. The more attempts the person makes, the more likely that he or she will eventually die by suicide. Often people say that people who attempt suicide are only looking for attention. This may be true but it is also true to say that the person is obviously in a state of pain and needs help and understanding. The reality is that suicidal behaviour is usually a last resort when the person feels that all else has failed. Normally, they are trying to resolve their inner pain rather than trying to manipulate those around them.2. Recent suicide of a friend or relative:Sometimes, when a close friend or relative dies by suicide, others adopt a copy-cat attitude and follow the deceased person’s lead. It is not uncommon for suicide of a friend or relative to trigger attempts by friends or others.3. Threats of suicide:Many believe that people who talk about suicide won’t actually do it. The reality is that, in the majority of cases, people have spoken of their intent before killing themselves. Often it may have been a single statement such as “Life’s not worth living” or “I wish I were dead.” Sometimes the person is preoccupied with death through a genre like music, art, or poetry.Talking about suicide or exhibiting unusual interest in death through other themes generally means that the person is considering suicide as an option and that they really need and want some help.4. Depression:A lot of people use the word 'depression' to describe feelings of sadness and loss. These feelings often pass within a few hours or a few days. During this time, people are able to carry on much as usual. However, if you feel sad much more intensely and for longer and your feelings start to interfere with your work, social life and family life, you may need to seek professional advice. There are a number of symptoms of depression and it's very rare for all symptoms to occur in one person all at once. You might feel it come on slowly, from sometimes feeling blue to deeper feelings more often. It is hard to accept that symptoms like sleeping badly or feeling worthless are depression. After all, don't we all feel that way sometimes?That's the key - sometimes. It's not normal to feel that way for a long time. For some people, the feelings of hopelessness and despair that accompany depression are more than they are equipped to cope with and, as a result of this lack of coping skills, some take the option of suicide.5. Changes in personality or behaviour:There may be changes in the person’s behaviour including withdrawal, loss of interest in personal care and appearance, angry outbursts, and absenteeism from work or school. Their performance at work or school will often decline as well.6. Increased use of drugs and/or alcohol:People who have difficulty in coping with problems will sometimes turn to substances such as alcohol or illicit and prescription drugs for relief. Abuse of these substances tends to lower inhibitions leading to an increase in risk-taking behaviour. Drug and alcohol abuse is often linked to suicide.7. Behavioural disturbances:Behavioural disturbances such as anger, aggression, stealing, impulsive behaviours, isolation, and drug and alcohol abuse can be a sign of increased suicide risk. Sometimes, people who are particularly vulnerable may act out their feelings in a potentially destructive manner.8. Psychiatric illness:In some illnesses such as schizophrenia, it is not uncommon to hear voices. This can be a contributing factor in suicide if these voices are telling the person to take their own life even if that person does not want to die.9. Preparation for death:Preparation for death often includes such things as making a will, saying goodbye to people, apologising for past misdemeanours, and giving away their possessions, particularly their favourite things. They may also acquire the means to kill themselves such as a gun, rope, or pills.10. A sudden lift in spirits:If a person has a sudden lift in spirits, particularly after depression, it is often a significant factor. It can mean that the person is relieved because he or she has made a definite decision to take his or her life and that the problems and their resultant unhappiness will soon be ended. They will often have more energy at this point to end their life.Although not everyone displays these warning behaviours, a large percentage of people do display some of them. Encouraging the person to talk about their feelings, including their intended suicide, can be just what they need. No matter how uncomfortable you feel about the subject, it is important not to judge. A listening ear can make all the difference.

Love each other, and enjoy the ride

2008-08-07T00:09:00.002-07:00

by: Lindsay Wincherauk
The world can be a very scary place. Everything seems to change on a daily basis. Uncertainty in every aspect of life surrounds us. We are all faced with one tragedy after another. On any particular day you can read about plane crashes, terrorism, crystal meth or whatever. You may be wondering; how does this affect love? The current divorce rate is nearing 50 per cent. Can you imagine the impact on the children? On one hand, no wonder relationships are struggling and the divorce rate is so high. We are living in a world of "me" time. Consumption is king. We all need to take a deep breath and slow down. Life is moving too fast. We need to get back to a day where we say "Hi" to our neighbours instead of fearing them. On the other hand, it's not all bad: I'm happy, in fact, I'm individually optimistic, yet, globally pessimistic. Can we change the course of things to come? I don't know. We've messed it up pretty bad. Just think about it for a moment. The family unit is in a state of crisis; the institution of marriage may be failing. C'mon, two drinking buddies getting married in Ontario? I suggest in the future for those of you walking down the aisle could you please uncross your fingers and take your tongue out of your cheek. You're only screwing up your kids and, in turn, our world. If everyone actually meant, "till death do us part," the divorce rate may only be 20 - 25 per cent resulting in: At least a 50 per cent reduction in unwanted children, in turn resulting in: A smaller global population, in turn resulting in: Less consumption, in turn resulting in: HOPE! Wait a second, if that was the equation. I might not exist. We have certainly left one messed up world for the next generation to try to fix. It's too bad that most of them come from broken homes. How are they going to fix the world, when they can't even fix themselves? My radical suggestions: Be aware of what is going on in "our" world. Look at yourself first and the people in your life who matter and to try to encourage, nurture and love. Turn off the news (except for 24 hours). Laugh, smile and cry from time to time. Have a blast. Treat others with kindness. Make your "moments" memorable. Don't have kids just for the sake of it - kids aren't puppies. Avoid confrontations: life is too short. And most important, remember to hug each other. We may not be able to fix the mess, however, we can have a blast during the ride. This article is free for republishing
Authors Bio:Lindsay Wincherauk (aka: the seed) is an aspiring author, photographer, entrepreneur and comic. Over the last several years he has discovered his passion: writing and photography. He loves formulating new ideas and images. He is driven by life and feels life is meant to be lived to the fullest. He takes his inspiration from life’s challenges and believes that we need to look at life from different angles to see the true beauty in things. His work captures individual beauty. He believes that life is best lived in the “moment” and that if you open your mind and eyes to the possibilities, you may discover greatness.He has traveled to 18 different countries, has been a Best Man 6 times, a Pallbearer 3 times, and he is a Godfather. He has hung out with Rastafarians, Russians, Clowns and Drag Queens. He feels it is vitally important to embrace differences. He has co-authored one book and has two more in the works, which will be released in the not-too-distant future. Lindsay attended the University of Saskatchewan and now resides in Vancouver, British Columbia.

"Blue Defends Blue" in Florida Tragedies

2008-08-07T00:09:00.001-07:00

by: Susan Murphy-Milano
BLUE DEFENDS BLUE" Susan Murphy-Milano, Daughter of Chicago Police Detective Philip Murphy who murdered her mother Roberta Murphy, in 1989, before taking his own life speaks out on this tragedy in Flordia on 10/11/05. It does not matter in what city or state this took place, the fact still remains that blue still defends blue. The spokesperson for the Orange County Florida sherriff's department Barbara Miller responded "Not only when you have a deputy who has died, but when you see two small inncocent children, it's very disconcerning and disheartening to the officers" Well, the officers responded to at least 5 calls for help from estranged wife Leigh Ann to this home in the past month. The Lautenberg Act of 1998 was put into law so that tragedies just like this do not happen. Clearly this Officers actions goes far beyond the deaths of two innocent children. It was his way of having the last act of control because Leigh Ann, who he thought no differently of then a possession was going to pay for leaving him. As you are reading this you can bet that officers across the country are telling their spouses "See What happened" or police wives are seeing the news headlines fearing if they leave, they too, will be killed. Throughtout my entire childhood I heard my father say "If you leave, I will find you, If I find you, I will kill you. Then Sheriff Kevin Beary stated "I wish I had all the answers on something like that". It's called accountability and doing the job you were sworn as officers to serve and protect. It does not mean looking the other way when it's one of your own. It is the Orange County Sheriff department who should be charged for the crime of not responding and doing their job and as the law requires. This is a perfect example of the lack of accountability. The events of this tragedy are clearly off balance. Why doesn't someone charge the Sheriff Department with murder?Police Departments across the country need to get their act together by being more accountable to the other members of police families.How, first when any Officer going through a marriage break-up, there should be an automatic red flag to the department. The end of a police relationship should be treated the same as an officer involved in a street shooting. In these cases the department pulls the officer from active duty, usually assigning him time off or desk duty until he is given clearance by the police board after a review and mandatory counseling. The spouses should also be brought in for a debriefing of sorts explaining what safety measures, tactics and a telephone number for assistance and what she can expect should events escalate. I am reminded of when I was in the 5th grade, I teacher gave us an assignment to write a poem about something in our lives, I wroteThis man who drinks and carries a gun,each night he'd come home, we would have no fun.That bottle, that gun,there is no place to run.The laws pertaining to Family Violence, who not signed by elected officials with a pen of ink, but a pen of blood for all those who died because the system turned a deaf ear.

Are You Hooked to the Power Source?

2008-08-07T00:08:00.002-07:00

by: Kimberly Chastain
By Kimberly Chastainhttp://www.christianworkingmom.com/As Christian’s we are often very independent. We try to do everything and often feel we do everything. Are there times when you are frustrated, tired, irritable, and have no energy? I am not selling you a vitamin supplement, so don’t worry. I have recently realized this past week how little I turn things over to the ultimate Power Source - God. Lord, I cannot do this in my own strength. If the children argue one more time - I will scream. God, help me to know what to say without screaming. Lord, what is your agenda for me today - you know I all ready have one figured out. Do we see the many requests of our children as divine interruptions or just another thing to do on our list?I know often I grow weary and God needs to fill my tank. We fill our tanks with junk food or junk TV for that matter, but do we go to the Ultimate Power Source? Do you feel some of the things that bother you are really to small to talk with God about or not a big deal? I am convinced that God wants to hear the smallest details of our lives. I have found when I share my frustrations with Him I take a deep breath and calm down. I have more patience with my children, spouse, or work situation.Please don’t hear me saying I have it all together, I certainly don’t. I am learning daily to stay connected to my Power Source. That could be a prayer on the way to work or a prayer on the way home from picking up my children. I encourage you daily to connect to your Power Source even if it is a quick prayer for strength, wisdom, or whatever your needs are for the day. “I will supply all your needs, according to my riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19

How To Use Reverse Gossip To Get Someone To Like You More

2008-08-07T00:08:00.001-07:00

by: Tristan Loo
Ordinarily we think of gossip and rumor-spreading as a negative network of lies and false assumptions that destroys reputations and ruins careers, but did you know that you can use gossip to your advantage when trying to create rapport and build trust with someone? Yes, its true. Use that very same negative network to make yourself appear more likable to another person.The Underlying Psychological Mechanisms InvolvedThe American Psychologist Abraham Maslow came up with a 5-layered system of human needs that motivates people in life. One of those layers of need is the need for self-esteem and the sense of belonging. As human beings, we not only need to feel good about ourselves, but we also require confirmation and feedback from others on how they perceive us. Negative feedback poses a risk to our own self-esteem and therefore it creates conflict because we strive to protect our self-esteem. Positive feedback, in the form of compliments or respect, boosts our level of self-esteem and we tend to gravitate towards that positive feedback.So All I Have To Do Is Start Complimenting People I Like?Well…Only if you want to come off looking fake or like the drunk guy at the bar. Understand that while people like to hear good things about themselves, they are also highly suspicious about any compliments that you might give them. When we get complimented by someone who has not yet entered our circle of trust, we perceive it as a polite gesture or a red flag that they want something from us. We hold back accepting that the compliment is genuine until all avenues have been exhausted. Repeated compliments further raise the red flag in the person’s mind and act against our objectives to create rapport because it pushes them farther away. Some people are very good actors and can make themselves come off looking completely genuine when they give compliments and disarm their counterpart, but this is something that most people do not possess.So What Can I Do?The same network of gossipers that are used to destroy reputations can also be used to increase your rapport with someone. You see, when someone hears a compliment from you, they don’t often believe it as being genuine because they discount it as mere politeness, or that you are trying to manipulate them somehow. When they hear from a third party that you respect or admire them, they perceive it as being true because it is being told by a neutral party and it creates instant fondness for you because now they perceive you as someone who can meet or increase their level of self-esteem. I liken this to self-promotion versus testimonials. Anyone can go out and bolster about themselves and a few people might believe it, but most don’t. Testimonials from satisfied clients are a powerful marketing tool because people perceive that the business or individual is trustworthy and delivers a good service or product. The same holds true with marketing yourself to another person. Tell a third-party that you respect or admire the person that you like and it will create a positive image for yourself.

About Thai Girls and Why Western Girls loosing ground !

2008-08-07T00:07:00.002-07:00

by: Dao Jones
David is living in Thailand and writes. Read his story. Why Western Girls hate Thailand ! Have you ever seen an ex-pat with a farang (in Thai language= foreigner/westerner) girlfriend? Me neither. Throughout Thailand, farang girls have been swapped for Thais in a manner reminiscent of the 1950’s science fiction classic Invasion of the body snatchers - "it’s some kind of pod... aaagh!" Why does this happen?Loads of farang girls enjoy holidaying in Thailand with their boyfriends. It’s the ones who come with their girlie mates who discover that the fortnight is not as fun-filled as they had hoped. Just like the rest of humanity, western girls relish the chance to meet new people and get fucked rotten. It’s the second part of the equation that Thailand often fails to deliver – for girls, anyway.I visited the island of Koh Samed a few months ago and noticed a group of pretty English girls who were out looking for a good time. In Ibiza, these provocatively dressed minxes would’ve had to beat the fellas off with a shitty stick. On Koh Samed, however, they partied alone. There are no girlie bars on the island, so the western guys had all played it safe and brought their Thai sweethearts along.As the girls’ frustration mounted, one of them copped-off with a Thai waiter. There was no age gap but the height gap was a bit noticeable. She popped him into her pocket and took him back for a night of fun in her bungalow.Next day, I was lucky enough to overhear part of the post-mortem. Apparently he was quite sweet but had burst into tears when she asked him to use a condom. His English was quite basic but he was able to explain his family problems and financial difficulties.The topic was dropped when her new boyfriend arrived with a couple of his little mates. He was wearing her T-shirt. Food and drink was ordered and the girls footed the bill. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, although the other girls weren’t giving out any fuck-me vibes to his mates.Their patience was rewarded when a couple of days later a group of good looking English lads turned up unaccompanied. The two groups soon became one. The new Thai boyfriend went into limpet-mode and showered his girl with public displays of affection. Her discomfort was obvious. Even after she dumped him, he hovered around like a bad fart.The whole episode was priceless entertainment and it illustrates well the sexual politics that make farang girls hate Thailand. It seems that the dating strategies employed by some Thai men are not far removed from those of their fun-loving sisters. The sickly confection of charm and freeloading is served up with a large dollop of jealousy.Men can never resist second helpings but why do women find this dish so unpalatable? It’s because they want their men to be strong, dependable, generous, respectful, kind, high-status, intelligent, hard working, sincere etc. The list just goes on and on. If you fall short of their ideal, they won’t hold back in telling you about it either – in endless detail.Men value these things too, but they don’t bang on about it so much. If she’s cute and funny, a man can generally forgive a girl her shortcomings. The western girl in our story was turned-off by the waiter’s whining. As men, we are used to sharing our lives with women who whine and it’s just water off a duck’s back. What we are not used to, however, are women who restrict their whining merely to asking for pocket money. It’s a breath of fresh air.When it comes to snaring a man, Thai girls leave their western sisters at the starting gate. It’s not just their cheeky charm and good looks. The killer punch is how they make a man feel valued. To do this, they give him their undivided attention and refrain from hurtful criticism. In other words, they show him that they value him warts and all (even if they don’t). They may only be after his money but, if a guy is happy, he probably doesn’t care.Western women just can’t stomach the indignity of lowering themselves to this level. That’s why in Bangkok they are generally seen out alone. Their chances of finding a boyfriend are slim and of keeping one slimmer. Some are reduced to paying Thai men for sex. It doesn’t take long for them to become bitter and unhappy. They could do with losing a few pounds too.There is, however, some hope for our sex-starved farang chicks with attitude. A few thrifty guys have plugged into this niche market to save themselves 1,000 baht a night. Reportedly, it’s like shooting blonde pussy in a barrel. The wise swordsman will go back to her place, boot the soft toys off the bed and quickly dump his load before getting back to join the lads for last orders.

Blind Date Secrets - 5 tips to ensure you both have a great time

2008-08-07T00:07:00.001-07:00

by: Jake Markus
So you’re going on a blind date. Few dating scenarios are as nerve wracking, and you’ve probably heard lots of horror stories about miserable blind dates. Your blind date doesn’t have to be a disaster, though, if you follow a few simple suggestions to help it be more successful.Prepare Yourself Communication experts say that we commonly form an impression of someone new within the first four minutes of meeting them. The first impression you make will set the stage for the entire blind date so prepare in advance to make a good one. Choose clothes that are appropriate for the date, not too revealing or strange. Get a fresh haircut, trim your fingernails, and shine your shoes if needed. On the day of date itself, allow plenty of time to get ready and allow extra travel time to wherever the two of you are meeting.Where To Go And What To Do Plan the date for a neutral location, preferably one where there will be a number of other people. When you don’t know the other person it’s not safe to meet in private, plus if you’re in a fairly active location it’s easier to disengage yourself from the date if necessary.Most dating experts recommend that a blind date not be centered on a meal. If the date isn’t going well and you’re having dinner, you have to stick it out longer than if you’re meeting for coffee. There’s also the cost factor to consider. If either person is investing a lot of money in the date activity that puts more intense pressure on both people.The First Meeting Arrive a little early, make sure you’re neatly dressed, and step forward with a polite greeting and hand shake. Remember to smile and be friendly, even if you feel nervous. If you’re a man, open doors, hang up her coat, and pull out her chair if you’re sitting down. If you’re a woman and your date does these things for you, say thank you and enjoy being treated with good manners.Making Conversation Getting the conversation started and keeping it going is important to the success of your date. Remember those experts who said a first impression is formed in less than four minutes? They also tell us that communication is based on much more than just words. In fact, when you’re talking with your date the words you use only account for 7% of the total communication occurring. Your tone of voice accounts for 38% of your message and body language accounts for the remaining 55%.Ending The Date When the date comes to an end, thank the other person and say something general like “I enjoyed meeting you.” If things went really well then you can indicate if you’d like to date him or her again. If things didn’t go so well then don’t say you’ll call, or that maybe you could get together again sometime. This will create a false impression in the other person and simply avoids the truth.If you don’t want to see the other person again, it’s okay to say so politely. Saying something like “I think we don’t have a lot in common” is much kinder than saying “I’ll call you” and then not calling. Always be kind, though, and make every effort to spare his or her feelings as much as possible.

Does Marriage Counseling Work?

2008-08-07T00:06:00.004-07:00

by: shelly phegley
When considering marriage counseling, it's difficult not to wonder whether seeing a marriage counselor will actually work. This article provides some objective information based on data obtained from a national survey of marriage and family counselors and their clients. Also presented are several interesting opinions provided by individuals who have actually been through marriage counseling and were asked to comment on whether or not seeing a marriage counselor proved effective in helping their relationship.An honest marriage counselor would agree that the motivation of a couple may be the single most important factor in determining the success of marriage counseling. It's unlikely that even a brilliant counselor would be able to save a marriage where one spouse has already decided upon a divorce, and a mediocre marriage counselor can probably help a couple who are utterly committed towards making their marriage work. With this in mind, research has been made in an effort to determine, on a more scientific level, the effectiveness of couples counseling.In an article published by Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, clients of marriage and family counselors from 15 different states reported on their experience with counseling. The findings indicated that marriage and family counselors treated a wide range of issues in relatively short-term fashion, couple and family therapy are briefer than individual therapy, and that client satisfaction and functional improvement are quite high.[*] Specifically, of clients from 526 marriage and family counselors in 15 different states:98.1% rated services good or excellent 97.1% got the kind of help they desired 91.2% were satisfied with the amount of help they received 93% said they were helped in dealing more effectively with problems 94.3% would return to the same therapist in the future 96.9% would recommend their therapist to a friend 97.4% were generally satisfied with the service they received 63.4% reported improved physical health 54.8% reported improvement in functioning at work 73.7% indicated improvement in children’s behavior 58.7% showed improvement in children’s school performance [*] Excerpted from "Clinical Practice Patterns of Marriage and Family Therapists: A National Survey of Therapists and Their Clients", Journal of Marital and Family Therapy--Volume 22, No. 1While the above study provides raw data that supports the effectiveness of marriage and family counseling, a very interesting discussion on the question "Does Couples Counseling Work" from a public forum devoted to this topic offers a less clinical, but still positive view. Based on what seems to be a very honest and frank discussion among couples "who've been there," the answer to the question of whether or not marriage counseling is effective is a positive one. Read these posts on the Berkley Parents Network.Regardless of the studies and opinions which seem to support the effectiveness of marriage / couples counseling, there are those who question it's effectiveness. An article on the about.com portal, had this to say:The science of marital counseling is being studied in great detail these days. Research is showing that it is not as effective as people think, that women seem to get more from it than men, and that it might not have a lasting effect on the couple's marriage.What type of couple gets the most from couple therapy? The answer is young, non-sexist, still in love, open couples. Which couples receive the least from therapy? Some factors that can make couple therapy unsuccessful include couples who wait too long before seeking help, and often one or the other is set on getting a divorce and is closed to any suggestions that may save the marriage. Excerpted from the marriage.about.com portalUnfortunately, the data supporting the above-mentioned research is not specifically cited in the article. The article seems to imply that couples who seek counseling because they want their relationship to work are more likely to succeed with marriage counseling than are those who enter into counseling with the (perhaps hidden) truth that they already want out.

Using the Internet as a Forum or Method for Adult Dating

2008-08-07T00:06:00.003-07:00

by: Sara Jenkins
Using the Internet as a Forum or Method for Adult DatingIn this day and age, many find it hard to find someone that can share their passion and love with. With so many people experiencing a hard time with relationships and many have gone through failed affairs, a multitude have given up and just moved on. Adult dating seems so awkward to many because they feel they don’t have the same vigor and charisma that they used to. They pine for their lost youth and feel a bit of insecurity. That should not be the case though, dating is not exclusive for those who are young, and adults have the right to experience love and passion in their life. This is the fuel that makes life a bit exciting and something that can make us look forward to the new day. Adult dating can be easy and fun. You can meet people that share your interests and hobbies. You can find a person that can truly understand your way of thinking and perception of life. If you are afraid or embarrassed you can use the same old methods, using personal ads. But with the entry of the Internet, the personal ad has gone a long way; many people all over the world making your search wider and more comprehensive can now view them. Here are many sites in the internet that offers match making, it can either be for a long term relationship or maybe just for a bit of one night fun. The possibilities are endless. Adult dating services on the net are a great resource for adult dating. They spare you the awkward moments of actual dating but still allow one another to talk without falling on their faces. These sites allow for forums or chats, which can lead to a very erotic experience. With adult dating services, you get anonymity, adult chat, a sex date or maybe the man or woman of your dreams. In starting of, most adult dating website services would ask for some information about you so they could match you up with the right person, you may also include a photo of yourself if you want. Your profile should reflect the real you, names are optional since most use nicknames or aliases; you have to be careful about giving out your details. Try to establish first a rapport with your adult date before you decide you can trust them. Use your imagination to set your personal ad apart from the rest. Be discreet yet be imaginative. Your mission here is to attract attention to your personal ad.Adult dating can be fun and easy with the Internet, this is good especially for those who run a busy life. You can find an adult friend all at the comfort of your home and you don’t need to be shy you will be well hidden behind the cloak of anonymity provided by the Internet you can truly be yourself because you don’t carry the heavy burden of shyness. One of the best things about adult dating in the Internet is it is very affordable. You get a wider each and yet you don’t get the overpowering telephone bills or the travel fees just to meet and talk to someone from far away. You get to pick from a multitude of people even for whatever sexual preferences you have. Forget about the hefty bar tabs and the dinner bills talk or chat the night away and when the time is right, you can personally meet each other and have the time of your lives. With adult dating in the Internet, your nights wont get so lonely anymore.

7 Ways to Drive a Man Wild

2008-08-07T00:06:00.001-07:00

by: Caterina Christakos
It's unbelievable the amount of bad advice there is out there on how to seduce a man or if they give you advice they forget to tell you how to use it properly. So here are a couple of tips on what to do and what not to do to drive a man wild and an instruction manual.1) Dress in a way that makes you feel sexy and also flatters your figure. Let's face it some of us look ridiculous in stilettos. Red is almost always a good color. Try a red slinky dress and comfortable undergarments. Those torture devices they sell to suck in our guts look great under the dress but are not sexy at all when you are trying to yank them off for a wild night of pleasure.2) Pay attention to what he has to say for a change. Yes you can talk about yourself but a man finds it really refreshing when a woman allows him to have his own time in the spotlight.3) Don't talk about your ex. If he asks, keep it short and sweet. You are starting fresh with this guy. No need to bring in the ghost of past relationships. You are perfect to him in the beginning. There is no reason to make him wonder if the last guy who dumped you was right.4)Wear a light attractive scent. This means layering scents. Bathe in scented bath oils first. Then apply a light powder in the same scent. Finally spray the same scented perfume in front of you and walk into the mist. Do this about 45 minutes before you see him. If you overpower him with your scent, instead of wanting to edge a bit closer he will be running for the nearest exit.5) If you bring him back to your place make sure it is dimly lit. Soft lighting minimizes lines and wrinkles and gives your skin a bit of a glow. Keep candles handy or lamps that have adjustable lighting. In soft lighting you can be his dream woman and you can feel a thousand times better about undressing in front of him.6) Do a strip tease for him. Now I am not talking about a ten dollar hooker strip tease. I mean a slow undressing. Have him lie on the bed to watch, as you slowly slip out of your dress, then your undies and finally your stockings and shoes. Make him wait a bit.7)Explore his body in detail. Consider it a five course meal. Drive him absolutely wild by discovering all the hidden spots he didn't even know existed. Most women just lie there and let the guy do all the work. Participate and you have just blown past most of the women he has had sex with.

Women and Friendship; is it as good or better than Chocolate?

2008-08-07T00:05:00.001-07:00

by: Tina Frazer
I’ll start this article by admitting that I am a full-blown “chocoholic.” I love the way eating a piece of chocolate makes me feel. It’s so indulging, satisfying, and to me is the ultimate reward or excuse to instantly lift my spirits, calm my nerves, and just make me happy. This lead me to thinking about how few things in life are as good or better than chocolate. Now, I would certainly have to rank being a Mom at the top of the list, but another big contender is Friendship. I think it is truly disappointing that we as women allow something as rewarding and bittersweet as friendship, to regularly take a back seat to our careers, husbands, children and busy demands of life. When you compare eating a piece of chocolate to spending time with friends, you will find a lot of commonalities…Friendship and Chocolate are both actually healthy for us.Friendship and Chocolate both make us feel good.Friendship and Chocolate can be addictive and both make us eager for more.Did you know that researchers and scientists have suggested that chocolate contains compounds that can help maintain a healthy heart, good circulation, and reduce blood clotting? And, a Nurses study at Harvard Medical school found that women with friends were less likely to develop physical impairments as they aged. I know for me personally, whether it’s a few minutes on the phone, a nice e-mail shared, lunch/dinner, or movie time spent with a friend, I am left feeling refreshed, happy, and ready to sing, “I feel like a Woman!” While I truly love being a Mom, I need friend time for me (even though half of it may be spent talking about the children anyway). It just feels great to spend time with my girlfriends to gab about everything under the sun, including love, relationships, finances, parenting, - and occasionally important topics like Brad Pitt! Have you every noticed that when you do finally take the time to make that phone call to your friend, send that e-mail, or arrange that dinner or movie date, that you feel so good you automatically start planning for the next chat or get together. We do this because this needed interaction with our female friends just leaves us eager for more. This “feel good” addiction is similar to why we automatically eat more than one piece of chocolate in the box (and admit it, we rarely stop at just one). I may be disqualified to judge what is truly better, friendships between women; or chocolate, since I admittedly confessed to being a “chocoholic”. After all, some of you reading this article may not even like chocolate. In my opinion they are both equally fabulous. However, I do want to say if ever you needed to slow down, and purposely make time for something in your life amongst your daily juggling of activities, then please do so for friendships. Finding “friendship” time needs to be a priority even if it is once a week or once a month, to catch up with old friends and to make new ones. It’s healthy, it makes you feel good, and you (we) deserve more of it.Cheers to a happy, healthy, life shared with many great friends and of course a bit of chocolate!

To Trust or not to Trust !

2008-08-07T00:04:00.002-07:00

by: Dorothy Lafrinere
Trust is something we learn as very small babies. We trust the first person that we bond with and it grows from there. Have you ever noticed how cool kids are? They trust every little thing we say. They rarely question us when we tell them something.Believing our every word; and why not? They have not been exposed to mistrust yet, not that they would recognize it at such an early age.Then they get older and come in contact with other children. This is when relationships begin., seperate from the familiar family relationships that they have grown to know as "normal". They begin to compare lifestyles with their friends and for some, this is when the first mistrust begins. They find out that it is not normal to be touched by people in their private parts. They find out that it is not normal to be beaten for doing something wrong. They find out that it is not normal to not be fed for a day or even two. They find that it is not normal to watch their dad hit their mom. They find lies, which gives birth to MISTRUST. Their lives turn an entire chapter at that point. They grow up somehow; suffering through the pain and loneliness of living with mistrust. For some they rise above it and use it as a learning tool. For others they become it; mistrusting everyone and everything. A small number of those people seek help and spend many hours and a great deal of energy trying to conquer it.Then we have our jobs, we trust immediately anyone that has been there longer or that comes off as knowing more than us. We trust our bosses and our co-workers.It is natural to trust as if we were babies all over again. With any new venture we yearn to trust. When we first fall in love; What is that saying, "Love is Blind"? Ha! Now that's funny, because it really is blind. We trust so instantly and genuinely that we potentially set ourselves up for the biggest fall in our lives. Why is that? Is it because we are so driven by nature to want to trust someone? Or is trusting someone just a happier, easier, way of life.Once a trust is breached, it creates a scar that has it's own heart and never goes away. We just learn to ignore its beat. We try to reorganize our minds and put it on the farthest burner we have. Some of us can do just that, while others cannot. For them life is not so easy. They find themselves thinking, should I trust or not? It's like they have to find proof and reason to trust, because their minds already mistrust. This is similar to the term "Guilty until proven innocent". For anyone out there that can relate to that, and I am sure there are many of you that do just that, life is hell.If, lets say we love someone and they tell us one thing, and we keep getting mixed signals that stir up our mistrust thoughts, where do we go with that? Books tell us, that we are to trust the ones we love and that's it. And then, if our trust gets breached, and only then, can we be accurate with our mistrust. "Blah" I say! Oh and we're also told at the same time to trust our gut feelings. OK, I admit confusion here. I know this subject is really going to cut like a knife for some people and I will apologize now, but we have to deal with the reality of our lives. How else are we going to tackle our insecurities and get stronger. Our goal is to have a somewhat happy life. One that we can talk about to our grandchildren. We have to open our eyes and know what is going on in our wolds. If your relationship has had a breach of trust or if you have experienced mistrust earlier in your lives, then you already have a reason to feel insecure. Now that you know that, you can start to build up on that. Now you need to identify the exact core of it and toss it. Its old news and its over. Start a whole new life as if being born again (for lack of a better phrase). I hear you already saying, "Easier said than done". I totally agree, but how many times have I said, "Anything worth having , does not come easy"? The answer is MANY. Life is not easy. We have to earned all our happiness. I have noticed, and I am guilty of this myself, that we are waiting for our lives to be happy. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about happiness and if I have realized anything at all, its that happiness is in you and your thinking and how you deal with every little thing. To Trust or not to Trust is in our control. If we choose not to trust, we open the door to all sorts of evil demons, such as jealousy, low self-esteem, anxiety, envy, selfishness, self-torture, worry, loneliness and just plain unhappiness. So when we feel that , "Trust or not trust" debate lurking in our minds, choose to not allow your mind to go that direction. Tell yourself, that you are an intelligent person and you know what is right and what is wrong right now. It'is now that you are living, not then, or the past. We are very good at deciding what we want to eat, right? Or where we want to vacation and spend tons of our hard earned money. So then why is it so hard for us to just change our train of thought? Let me tell you..HABITS!Bad habits, and for any of you that have read my HABITS blog, then you know what I mean. So go back and read it again and again. I believe that if one really wants to change something, it CAN be changed. "Let your thoughts determine your goals and your goals determine your destiny" (something like that). We are all destined to be happy. We just have to focus on our goals. Feeling mistrust definitely has been caused by something in our lives. We may never figure it out and some of us have already figured their reasons out. But for whatever the reason, it is a negative emotion and one we can surely do without. Work on it, then work on more trust and more love. When we can trust, love comes naturally and that always invites happiness. So there you have it! I have given you the steps; it is your responsibility to you to climb them.

Ghost Mothers

2008-08-07T00:04:00.001-07:00

by: Paula Krapf
So many women talk about their relationships with their mothers—no matter how old they are. For some, their mother, from whom they have supposedly separated long ago, still occupies a central place in the psyche. She’s too close, she’s too much. She has advice, is nosy, and interferes. The daughter wants time away, she wants boundaries, and fights for her separation from her mother.For others, the mother still occupies the psyche, but with a wrenching kind of longing—a mother that is biological and even sometimes present, but also a mother who is so self-involved as to be emotionally absent, or literally out of the picture. This kind of mother takes up space and energy as a nagging, missing piece, a ghost. Her image hovers, her memory, or perhaps a dream of how it could have been, should have been, but never is.Which kind of mother do you have?My mother was a dream. I realize now, 10 years after her death, that I was always trying to get the dream to come true—to have her be warm and huggy, to have her want to know me, to visit me in my house, to know my children. To know me. It never happened. It left a yearning that I played out with men, it left a hole that I tried to fill in many ways.When I was little, she left me when I was four years old, and once a year appeared in the landscape of my life—I lived with her mother—only to disappear too soon and in a flurry of anger at her own mother, without seeming to notice how hard it was for me.So many people—men and women—struggle with this kind of emptiness, the burn of anger in the pit of the stomach, the unanswered questions that can’t be asked—why are you like this? Mothers who are neglectful, selfish, and abandoning do not set out to do these things, they are a result of her own problems, her own pain, and maybe even mental illness. It is hard for us as her child to see this fully, or to forgive it.How to help to heal the Ghost Mother wound:1. Learn about your mother’s life—how she became the way she is—though talking with relatives, if she won’t talk to you directly, or by sitting down and hashing through history shown in photos and family albums.2. Find adoptive mothers who will nurture you, and friends who understand your story.3. Learn to mother yourself—though therapy, through having children of your own. They will teach you.4. Write your story. Tell your story. Having witnesses to your story is a part of healing. Seeing compassion in the eyes of others shows you that you are worthy of it, and deserve it.5. Learn to forgive. Work on it. Work on being yourself and having a life you like and enjoy.6. Learn to surround yourself with who you like, people who love and like you, and beauty that makes you feel part of the web of life.

Do You Give Away Your Power?

2008-08-07T00:03:00.002-07:00

Do You Give Away Your Power?
by: William Martin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Do You Give Away Your Power?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~When you love someone do you give your power away? This may seem a strange question to ask and you may wonder what 'power' has to do with 'love'.However, if we take a look we might see that love and power are very closely linked. This may not seem very romantic, but that does not mean it is not true.We see another person as attractive depending on the level of 'personal power' that they hold. Things like good looks, money, success (however we define it), musical and artistic abilities, and the like all, can add to attractiveness - and 'attractiveness' is a form of personal power.When we love someone it is natural to want to give to him or her. It is part of the fun of a relationship. Yet, if we try to give too much of ourselves before the other person is ready the chances are that they will run a mile... Has anyone not experienced that kind of 'rejection'? I don't see any hands going up...It seems to be part of the human experience for everyone no matter what their status in life.The problems start to arise when we place another person above ourselves. If we do that it can come across as if we feel that the other person is more important that we are. "What is wrong with?" that you might wonder. "Isn't that how love is supposed to be?", you may ask.Well, the problem with it is that it is not sustainable. The other person is looking for an equal not for more members of their 'fan club'. In order to have a meaningful relationship they need more from us than simply adding ourselves to their list of admirers. Sooner or later they will believe our own low assessment of ourselves.The more we look up to someone the more we reduce own status in their eyes. Indeed, perhaps the more we look up to someone the more reason we give them to look down on us.This does not mean that we cannot admire qualities and abilities in others. It just means we need to do it with a feeling of equality and not with a feeling like we are some kind unworthy creature admiring someone far better than we are.Love is really something much bigger than us as individuals. In a sense, love is a process. How we love has to do with how we respond in that process. It may have little to do with the other person because we will respond the same way within that process with someone else. If our response to love is to try and raise up the other person by lowering ourselves then that will be our experiences of the 'process' of love. We will experience being reduced and diminished when we love.If our response to love is to raise ourselves up and the other person too - then that will be our experience of love. We will experience love as enlivening and enriching. Yes, we may still have our disappointments - but, overall it will raise us up and not diminish us.We need to look at our response to the process of love and see it is different from the 'object' of our love. In that way we can find more skillful ways to express how we feel.And, the expression of love is a skill. It is one of the highest of skills, but it is still a skill. It is something that needs to be learned - often through trial and error. There is not sense beating ourselves up when we make a mistake because it is just part of the process of learning the skill. Part of the process is learning to feel good about ourselves as part of our own experience of relating to others. If we try and exclude ourselves from our own ability to love, that is what makes us want to sacrifice ourselves to the image we make of the other person. We have set ourselves up to lose if we do this as it makes a false god / goddess out of them. Then we begin to look at the other person as if they are source of love in our life. Which is a dangerous thing to do to another fragile and quirky human being. It is dangerous as it is too much power to give another person - especially when it is someone we might hardly know at all (except that they are 'so wonderful'...).We need to recognize the source of love in our lives. It is a deeper and wiser part of ourselves, which lives within us waiting recognition. That is our true source of personal power - and our true source of love.

Addicted to the Drama

2008-08-07T00:03:00.001-07:00

by: Karen Fish
There are presently 6 billion people living on Planet Earth. World Peace is the ideal that all 6 billion of them will learn to live in Peace and Harmony together, united in Holy Matrimony, until death by natural causes do them part. Lets start off small. Lets see if we can get two of them to live together in Peace.Samuel Twain is a 54 year old Harvard Graduate, former Law Professor, District Attorney, Defense Counsel, turned extremely successful Mutual Fund Owner. Obviously we are not talking chopped liver here. We are talking Midas, in his professional life, and Murphy, in his personal life- the only law he has known is Murphy’s Law- or so he thinks- way too much. Sam is currently married to Jane, a stunningly attractive woman, popular, brilliant, composed, a ballet, tennis, golf, community involvement enthusiast, on the outside, the perfect woman. Sam and Jane have raised two magnificent children, Dawn, a 26 year old physician, married to Alan, a 28 year old physician, and Gail, a 21 year old doll about to be married to a young wonderful lawyer named Richard. They are all in perfect health, living in Boca Raton Florida, on the outside, the family envied by the entire world – a modern day Pleasantville family. Unfortunately, the entire family is caught in the throes of grief and misery, as if the Titanic had just hit the Iceberg in the Icy Atlantic Ocean late at night, and the Captain just realized that they forgot to load the lifeboats. How could this be? Well, have you ever heard of a little 3 letter word called sex? Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychiatry, who had intimate relations with his mother on a regular basis, said that every 3 seconds men have a sexual thought. It must have been all that time spent sitting in his chair with his stopwatch that led to his fascination with Fransz Antoine Mesmer, the father of faith healing, and hypnosis, if you don’t count the Jewish born Rabbi and Creator of the Universe, the Messiah to 2 billion Christians and 1 billion Muslims, Jesus aka Joshua aka Yeshua aka The Holy Spirit aka God the Father Almighty, you know who I’m talking about. Sam and Jane have spent hours if not days with their relationship counselor Dr. Ellen Friedrich, who is still working on the case, without any success. She is wondering how she passed 11 years of medical school but can’t seem to get the perfect couple of the Universe to function peacefully together. Sam has spent so much time bouncing from Baby Thomas’ crib room, to hotel suites, to his palatial country estate in the Hamptons alone, that when the border guard asked his address, he began to drool uncontrollably and had to be fitted with a cloth between his teeth and a straight jacket to prevent him from chewing his jaw off.So what is at the root of Sam and Jane Twain’s misery? Well, 8 years ago, a lovely woman, Dawn, divorced from 2 alcoholics, came to work as a secretary in the office of Sam Twain. To say that the chemistry between Sam and Dawn was and continues to be hot, is like saying that Adolf Hitler wasn’t really that enamored with Jewish people. Sam and Dawn not only set the bed on fire at an age when Sam should be going blind from Viagra, but they also have a blazing red hot friendship. At the same time, Sam is still madly in love with Jane, even though 30 years of practice seems to have cooled off the sheets somewhat. One would think that of these 3 intelligent and mature adults, at least one of them after eight years of this relationship turmoil would have been able to say good bye to one of the others, but unfortunately we are dealing here with human beings, and life is not that simple. Sam cannot bring himself to leave Jane because he loves her so. Sam cannot bring himself to leave Dawn because he likes her so and Dr. Freud may have been wrong – it may have been every 2 seconds. Dawn cannot break up with Sam because he is the answer to all of her financial emotional sexual and life problems, and Jane cannot bring herself to throw Sam out of the house because she so loves Sam, and knows that even half a husband is better than cyber dating - an endless series of coffee dates with every mishegena in the world and their own shtick galore. Perhaps this is the answer to World Peace – it’s never going to happen. Maybe the Black Eyed Peas were right - we’re all too addicted to the drama. http://www.thetempleoflove.com (The Peace Site)

Abuse is not "One Size Fits All"

2008-08-07T00:01:00.002-07:00

by: Susan Murphy-Milano
Abuse Is "Not A One Size Fits All" Solutionby: Susan Murphy-Milano SOMEONE YOU MIGHT KNOW PATRICIA AND ROBERT When Patricia met Robert at their annual church social, it was love at first sight. They had so much in common. Sharing love for the ballet, music, food and most importantly they shared the same dream; they were both looking for that special someone to spend the rest of their lives with. Someone who believed in family, God & children--to them it was imortant to have a strong foundation. Both came from good, hard working christian families and they wished for the same happiness their parents had shared throughout their marriages. Patricia and Robert dated for over a year when Robert asked for Patricia's hand in marriage. While telling her story, if only for a brief moment Patricia's eyes reflected on a happier time in her life. Patricia begins when Robert proposed. We had just learned that Robert was offered a job as a financial analyst with a large investment banking institution. Robert wanted to really go out on the town and celebrate. I was so happy for him, I went out and bought a new dress. Robert was very secretive about how we would celebrate his new job. The next weekend we drove about two hundred miles. I knew by the highway signs we were headed to Chicago. When we arrived at the restraurant, Robert excused himself. When he returned he handed me an envelope. When I opened the envelope, I wanted to just scream out loud . Inside, there were two tickets to see my all-time favorite performer in the whole world, Tony Orlando. I couldn't believe my eyes. And they were front row seats to boot. I could hardly get through dinner knowing we were going to see Tony Orlando. I have to say when we were seated for the show, I had goose bumps. After the first song, Mr. Orlando reached into the audience with his hand and asked me to come up to the stage. When I turned to look at Robert, he'd left his seat. I was actually on the stage with this handsome hunk of a man. Then he asked the audience for their cooperation for a moment. Then Mr. Orlando turned me around to the back of the stage. "Do you know this young man approaching," he asked. I couldn't say a word, I was frozen. "Ladies and gentlemen, the person coming on stage is Robert and he has something to ask this very special lady." Mr. Orlando said hello to Robert, handed him the microphone and said. "It's all yours my man." And then, what seemed to be before the entire world, Robert got on his knees and proposed. When I accepted the crowd of strangers stood up and cheered. Then, from the audience, my family and Robert's family came up on stage to congratulate us. We set a date and married in our town church shortly after. Things happened so fast, with the wedding, sending out resumes for a job, and then trying to find a place to live. We were going crazy. I was so excited when I found a good paying job; everything was falling directly into place. After a few months, Robert began acting strange. He'd blow up when he thought I misplaced his shaver, or his socks weren't matched and still sitting in the laundry basket. You know, stupid little things like that. One night, I had to stay late at work and finish a project. When I walked in the door Robert was sitting with the channel changer in one hand and a beer in the other. "Can't you come straight home from work just once?" When I tried to calm him down he threw his beer and the channel changer at the television and stormed out of the apartment. The next morning he apologized for blowing up and said he was under a lot of pressure at work. He asked me to forgive him. A few weeks later, the girls from work made plans to go out for a night on the town. I didn't think it was such a big deal. Robert was going to a basketball game with some people from work and I really didn't feel like staying home by myself. When I came home, Robert had just arrived. "Where have you been?" "I went out with some girls after work, why?" "Those bimbos who go out and meet men like whores. Is that what you want to do? Is that what you like? Cause if it is, you can go out that door." I was stunned and hurt by Robert's words. When I called home for some comforting reassurance, I was amazed as to how hard it was to lie and say how fine everything was going between Robert and I. A few months later we learned I was pregnant. When I shared the news with Robert, he was so excited. Then at dinner that evening he asked when I was going to give my notice at work. "I thought I'd work until the baby is born." "Absolutely not," he said. "No wife of mine is going to work while she is pregnant." So, at his insistence, I gave my notice and began looking for a house. I thought things would get better, but Robert grew more irritated and impatient. When we brought our son home from the hospital, the baby would wake up nights and cry and Robert would get upset. Nothing I did seemed right. If dinner wasn't on the table the moment he walked in the door, he would scream louder then the baby. If my hair wasn't fixed the way he liked me to keep it, he would accuse me of not caring anymore. If he'd call during the day from work and I wasn't home, he would demand to know who I was with that day. I couldn't understand. I loved him so much, why was he treating me this way? I continued to ask God for guidence, but somehow it didn't stop the hurt I felt inside. When I went to my pastor, he told me to continue praying and to reach out to family members for support. So When I called my sister and explained what was going on, she didn't believe me. She said I needed to pay more attention to Robert. So, I took her advice and tried to make things better at home. After our second child was born, I hardly left the house. And I had no time for myself. One night Robert came home from work late. He'd been drinking. He demanded I put the children to bed. When I didn't get off the couch fast enough, he slapped me. "Did you hear what I said? What part didn't you understand?" I stood up, stunned, put the children to bed, locked the door to the den and went to sleep. The next day Robert left for work before I got up. That afternoon a dozen roses arrived with a note from Robert saying he was sorry. For a couple of weeks things were great, but that didn't last long. One night after I put the kids to bed he wanted to fool around. I was just too tired. I had been up for two nights straight while the kids took turns with the flu. When I pushed Robert's hand away, he became angry, accusing me of having an affair. Then before I knew it, he pulled the belt from his pants and began beating me with it. I screamed for him to stop; the more I screamed the harder he hit me. Then he began shouting, "You little bitch, you little bitch, defy me will you, this will teach you. I'm your husband, you do what I say when and where I want, do you understand me." In the background you could hear the children screaming. All of a sudden there was a heavy knock at the door. "Open up, police, open the door now." Robert got up turned around to go to the door, he pulled a comb out of his back pocket combed his hair and tried to straighten his appearance before he answered. The officer demanded to be let in the house. He made his way around Robert into the corner of the living room where he found me hovering in the corner. The officer slowly helped me from the floor onto the sofa. Then he gave his partner the order to cuff Robert. "But you're making a mistake, you can't do this, what do you think you're doing?" Robert said. He kept going on an on about his rights. Shortly afterwards the paramedics arrived to treat my injuries. Suprisingly, everyone was so nice. When the officer insisted I go to the hospital, I refused. "I'll be fine," I explained. "And besides, I have no one to leave the children with." I was so numb and terrified, I didn't know what to do and everything everyone was saying wasn't registering. Here I was this grown woman, with two small children, a responsible individual. How could I have allowed this to happen? Why didn't I see? What did I do to provoke this outburst? Why was God allowing this to continue. How much more can I take, I thought. Before the officer left, he gave me telephone numbers of where to get further assistance. When I got the children back in bed and settled, I sat at the kitchen table just staring at the sheet of paper that was given to me. I decided to give one of the numbers a try. When I asked about services, I was told that they were full, try back in a week. I continued calling the other hotline numbers. I kept getting the same response, "Sorry, we're full." HOME, SWEET HOME Feeling as though I had no other alternatives, I decided to call my mom. I decided to go home for a visit. When I went to the bathroom to get cleaned up, I was horrified. My face was swollen and bruised, my neck, arms and back were raw and red with a lot of my skin broken. Then I called the police station where my husband had been taken. They informed me that it would be around noon the following day before he sees a judge and bail is set. When I got the strength and my second wind, I packed up the jeep with some of the kids' toys and clothes. We left early the next morning for my parents' house. When we finally arrived, my parents came out to help me along with the family pastor. The expression on my parents' faces was one of horror. My father wanted to find Robert and teach him a lesson for harming his little girl. We got settled, I sat with my parents and my pastor and we talked things out. The Pastor suggested I write down what I needed to do. And before he left we all got down on our knees and prayed togather. I pulled out the yellow pages and looked up legal assistance offices, women's groups and attorneys. I spent the next four hours on the phone. Everywhere I called wanted personal information or history before they would even speak with me. Then I was told no one would be able to contact me for a few weeks because they were booked. Then I began calling private attorneys everyone was pretty matter of fact. The first questions were about resources, net worth, what was my current financial status. And unless I had twenty-five hundred dollars for a retainer when I walked in, they wouldn't help me. So I decided to call around to the various churches for direction. I found them very supportive and helpful. After dinner that evening Robert called and demanded to speak with me. "She's not here," my father said. Robert kept calling and when my father had had enough, he blew. "Listen, you call here again and I will call the police. Stay away from me and my family." After the children were asleep, my parents and I resumed our conversation and we discussed what I wanted to do and what was best for all concerned. It was a blessing that my parents were willing to do anything they could to help me, and for the first time I didn't feel alone. The next day, someone from a church office returned my call. I was asked so many questions, I felt confused. There seemed to be so much to do that I wasn't aware of because I had never been in this situation before. That afternoon, I scheduled an appointment with an attorney recommened by a local church. ROBERT'S RIGHTS The first thing the attorney did was to take pictures of me with an instant camera. Then he explained my legal options and alternatives. He also tried to prepare me for what might happen. He suggested that this was not going to be easy, I wasn't going to just be able to get rid of this man and throw him out of my life. He said Robert had rights too even though he's committed a crime. The attorney wanted me to understand that because we had children, Robert had a right to be a part of their lives. And that even if I had sole custody, Robert, under the law, had a right to visitation. Then after we finished our meeting the attorney asked if I would pray with him. I was very confused, but for the first time I felt God's presence with me. All of this seemed as though it was happening so fast. The attorney suggested that because I didn't have an Emergency Order of Protection that we fill out the paperwork in his office, head over to the court building and get one now. He indicated that we would have no problem based on my injuries and police reports. I was so scared. I had never set foot in a coutroom before; it was cold and smelled like damp, musty wood. It was nothing like you see on television, except the "All rise" when the judge enters the courtroom. When my name was called, my attorney gently guided me by the arm and we went in front of the judge. My attorney spoke first. "Your honor I'm... representing my client, Jennifer Serpico. As you can see before you judge, my client has been badly beaten. We are here today to obtain an emergency order of protection for she and the children. In addition, we ask the court to grant temporary custody to Mrs.Serpico pending the outcome of a divorce, your honor." Then the judge spoke, "Clerk, swear in the witness." "Raise your right hand..do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" "I do," I replied. Then the clerk held up a piece of paper and asked if that was my signature. "Yes," I stated. Then for the record I was asked to state my name, address and age. The judge asked me to briefly explain what happened. When my attorney told the judge it was in the paperwork before him, the judge told him to be quiet and asked me to answer the question. I tried to explain, but I couldn't. I lost it and began crying. Slam, went the judge's gavel. "The court will take a brief recess while the witness composes herself." "I'm sorry," I told my attorney." Did I make him angry?" "No,"in a gentle voice he replied," just calm down and we'll try again." When the court was called back to order the judge reappeared from the side door of the court. He looked down at me. "Are we ready to proceed"? "Yes your honor," I replied. I tried taking a few deep breaths in between sentences to explain what Robert had done and that I was in fear for my life. When I finished the judge spoke. "The court finds in favor of granting Mrs. Serpico an emergency order of protection based on the witness's testimony and physical injuries apparent before this court. The court further orders that the witness be granted temporary custody of the minor children. Next return date in 21 days. Good luck." Then he tapped his gavel and the court person called the next case. When I asked why we had to return back to court the attorney explained that Robert would have to appear before the judge and my order would then be renewed depending on the circumstances of my case. There was so much I wanted to ask, but I didn't want to take any more of my attorney's time and most of all I didn't want to appear stupid. ROBERT RETURNS A few days later Robert appeared at my parents' house, demanding to speak with me. My father refused to let him in the house. The following night my parents and I were awakened by a large noise outside. When I peeked out the upstairs bedroom window, I spotted Robert's car down the street. I began screaming, "It's Robert, he's back." My father ordered us to stay in the house and to contact the police. You could hear my father having it out on the front lawn with Robert. It was also obvious that Robert had been drinking. When my father turned around to go back in the house, we heard a loud noise like a car backfiring. Then all was quiet. I called 911 again, trying to get assistance. I heard my mother whisper to stay put. When the police arrived, they found my father unconscious lying with a bullet wound to his back. Robert was nowhere in sight. The police immediately put out an all points bulletin on the radio. They were throwing so many questions at us. They wanted a description of Robert, the car, what we saw. Several minutes later a call for backup came over the police radio. It sounded like they had Robert in sight going 90 miles an hour on the state highway. You could hear the chase like a made for television movie. It sounded like several cars were in pursuit of my husband all at one time. When the ambulance came, my mother went with my father to the hospital. An hour or so later a squad car pulled up to the house. The officer approached me, "Mrs. Serpico?" "Yes," I replied. "We're checking, but we believe we've located Robert Serpico. We'll know in just a few minutes." The following day, the doctors took my father off the critical list and moved him to a regular room. I was still in shock with the news that Robert was dead. According to the police, while in pursuit of Robert who was going at a high speed, his car went out of conrtol, sliding off the road and over a bridge. He was pronounced dead at the scene. Even though he was gone, the memory of the violence and the anger I felt were still inside of me. You would think it just goes away, but it doesn't. I learned that I had to deal with all of this. That meant there had to be a conclusion to all of this. It's taken over a year through therapy just to get past the violence and why he did this. I still have a long way to go and with the assistance of professional counseling there is hope that I will recover and begin again to rebuild my life. Patricia's story ends with the tragic death of her husband, but she still has much to grieve from the abuse she received as well as his death. She has since remarried and volunteers at a local women's shelter. HOW YOU CAN HELP The most important thing you can do for a friend or family member who's being abused is to let the person know you care. They need to know that you are there for them, no matter what. If you see signs or specific behavior patterns in a loved one or friend, you cannot look away. Here are some things to be alert to. Is she: *Not coming to family gatherings or outings? *Making excuses for not showing up when they're expected? *Wearing clothes that hide arms and legs during hot weather. *Appearing irritable or depressed? *Talking about trouble in the relationship? *Openly admitting emotional, physical or sexual abuse? These are all signs of abuse. If someone is trying to reach out to you for help, don't pass it off as a one time incident. Abuse is against the law; these are not accidents, they are crimes. If you choose to ignore appeals for help, she could be killed, and there will be no more choices to make, except to pick up the pieces. Listen to the person who comes to you for assistance or advice. Don't judge her. Do not minimize the extent of what she says is going on. Abuse is not a "One Size Fits All" Solution. Like our own fingerprints no two cases of abuse are the same. Our society does not make it okay for anyone to say "I need help" or I am a victim of abuse or a broken relationship", when there is so much contempt for weakness and submissiveness. The names, addresses and telephone numbers of programs and agencies who assist victims of domestic violence are located in your phone book under social service agencies. Or you can search the internet. Sit down at the kitchen table with her, take paper and pen and help her with a safety plan or to set goals. Let her know you will help and support her in every way. If you know someone who is being abused, but you are fearful of confronting that person, send them information anonymously. Don't look the other way. Do something!

Don't Give Away Your Power!

2008-08-07T00:01:00.001-07:00

by: William Martin
Lets look at some ways we can get to know another person without giving our power away. This enables us to minimize the risk that we will get hurt in the process.The other day, a lady asked me an interesting question. She said, 'Are you single?'. What I noticed about that is that it feels like a very different question from 'Do you have girlfriend?'.I also noticed that my respect for the person went up a notchor two - even though I did not want to get into a romantic relationship with her.The reason for this is that asking 'Are you single?', has a refreshing boldness about it without being pushy. Whereas the "Do you have girlfriend / boyfriend?", question has a sort of unspoken "you probably wouldn’t want me anyway" feeling about it. At least in can drift into that if the person is not very careful how they say it.Like anything to do with personal power it "Ain’t what you do it'sthe way that you do it". However, asking the right question is part of the way we do it.One way we can make dating easier on ourselves is to change the question so that we do ask people on 'dates' at all! What I mean is go for what some call "the no-date date". This is where we just invite the person along to something we want to do anyway. It can be anything from a favorite café, a place which has the best cakes / donuts, or place with an unusual shop, or a particularly nice park and so on.That way we can say something like, "I am going to a lovely park at the weekend. It has a beautiful path through the trees. Would you like to come?". (Or, whatever is suitable based on what you know about them). Invite them to do something fun or interesting, which does not take up too much time.We are just inviting them along, so we spend time with them. It is not really clear to them whether it is an actual ‘date’ with romantic intentions or not. We can get to know them a bit better before we decide to go that way. In this way we can avoid saying "Want to go out with me?", whichagain just gives our power away. If they turn down a no-date offer next time you meet them you can even say, "Hey, you really missed out. That park / café / shop I told you about was great (and have something to say that reinforces this (weather was fabulous, they have the best coffee etc.)". This turns even a 'rejection' into something in your favor. We can also invite someone we want to get to know to join in with something we are doing with other friends. We don’t have to get stuck in thinking we have to invite people out one-on-one. You may wonder whether you will give the person the wrong impression if you are interested in them, but not make it clear from the start by specifically asking for a date. You actually probably stand a better chance to get to know each other when just relaxing without any pressure. However, your 'interest' will probably be in who you think they are, rather than who they really are. Give yourself a chance to get to know them for real before deciding anything.Besides better to find out early whether this is a person with whom you can just relax and have fun with. If the chemistry is right you will soon find yourself in real dates with them and you won't have had to give away your power to get there.Author: William Martin is the founder of http://www.meetyourgreens.com a totally free dating site.

Weaving the Brokenness - Healing the Wound of Mother Abandonment

2008-08-07T00:00:00.002-07:00

by: Paula Krapf
My daughter puts her arms around me, her brown eyes soft and beckoning. Her rounded belly and motherly curves rest against me, and for a moment I choke up. She is pregnant with a girl baby whose middle name will be Joy like mine. She will be my first grand-daughter, and my second grandchild. I was named Joy by my great-grandmother, Blanche, the mother of my grandmother Lulu, who spent much of her childhood living with Blanche’s mother. When Lulu was a young woman, she abandoned her daughter Josephine. Josephine abandoned me when I was four years old, leaving me with her mother. What a heritage!When I look at my daughter, I see the images of my foremothers in my mind—my beautiful but insensitive mother, my intelligent, breaking-the-rules grandmother. I remember their terrible fights and broken dishes that went flying when my mother came to visit, and I think of my grandmother’s deathbed, where there was no forgiveness between them. I think of how my mother didn’t want anyone to know she had a child, and how I tried to win her love until she died.I was able to break the chains of abandonment, but I still carry within me the memories of these passionate but disturbed women whose genes I carry. I am the last remaining witness to know and remember this heritage. We are the first mother-daughter generation to hug, kiss, talk over our disagreements, apologize, forgive, and have a loving relationship. For this I give thanks every day.My grandmother and mother didn’t want grandchildren either. My children were not welcomed, and my mother made it clear the few times she saw my children, they were to keep their identity a secret too. Her passing on the poison to my children woke me up to how cruel and heartless she was. Over the years, I had adjusted to her rejection of me, but when I saw her teach my children not to call her grandmother, and to lie to the people at her apartment about their identity, I snapped. I never tried to get her to accept us again after that. I had to accept that she never would.This was another pattern. When my grandmother received the telegram announcing my birth, she threw it aside saying, “So the brat is born.” Later, she took me in and raised me, but the feeling that I was living on the edge of societal and familial acceptance settled deep into my bones.My story is only one such story about this topic—mother-child abandonment. There are many thousands of such stories in the world, people who were abandoned as children. On my book tour for Don’t Call Me Mother—Breaking the Chain of Mother-Daughter Abandonment, people listen with tears in their eyes as I read about the loss and loneliness that I felt as a child, and they cheer me on as I read how I fought to find myself and create a better life. When they come to me afterward to tell me how I have told a part of their story, I understand the tears are for their own childhood losses that are being healed by hearing another’s story. It is gratifying to see that I can use the painful parts of my life to give others hope about creating lives of meaning and joy despite deep early wounds.If you recognize your story in mine, here are a few healing suggestionsHealing Abandonment1. Remind yourself of these things:a. It was not your faultb. You were not a bad childc. Your mother may not have realized how deeply this affected youd. You deserve love2. Create joy and beauty in your life now.a. Gather supportive friends and loved ones around youb. Feed yourself good food, and treat your body wellc. Give yourself birthday parties and moments of celebrationd. Create your own family, whether it is your own children or friends whom you adopt as your new familye. Appreciate each day as it unfolds3. Find the help you need to heal your woundsa. Find a therapist who believes that the past affects the present and can help you work through itb. Write your story—from your point of view all the way throughc. Illustrate your story with family photosd. After you write your story, write the story of your mother’s life. Research her life as best you can. Illustrate it with photos.4. Use visualization, meditation, and prayer to get in touch with the life you want to live, and the blessings of your lifea. Meditate in quiet surroundings each day for at least 10 minutesb. Read books that inspire you to love and accept yourselfc. Share with others your healing storyLinda Joy Myers, Ph. D., prize winning author of Becoming Whole: Writing Your Healing Story, is a Marriage and Family therapist and teaches memoir-as-healing workshops in the San Francisco Bay Area and nationally. Linda’s work has been praised by reviewers, healers, and radio and television interviewers.